A Wedding to Remember
by Houddy
Summary: The third installment of the Remember trilogy finds House and Cuddy headed toward holy matrimony. Will they be able to weather the storm of her unapproving mother and have the wedding of their dreams, or has that dream turned into a nightmare?
1. Getting There is Half the Fun

Sorry to everyone who's been waiting so long for the third installment of the Remember trilogy to come out. I've had the worlds biggest case of writers block, as well as some RL things to sort out. But I hope that this story lives up to the long wait. And now, without further ado, I give to you...A Wedding to Remember.

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**Getting There is Half the Fun**

House stared out the window. The rain was coming down hard. "I don't think we should go." He turned back into the room where his fiancé was making a final check of their luggage.

"I don't care what you think." Cuddy didn't bother to look up. They'd had this discussion already, every day for two weeks.

"You've made that abundantly clear." House looked back out the window. "Did you call the airport? There might be..."

"The flight is on time." He'd thought of a dozen excuses to get out of going to her parents house for their golden anniversary, but she'd shot down every one of them.

"I hear they might get a tornado in Chicago."

"They're not getting a tornado in Chicago House."

They could," he mumbled, turning back toward the window.

"Not this weekend." Cuddy pulled the suitcase off the bed and brought it out to the front door to join the other. She came back and tossed him his coat. "Put it on, and get going. The car is here."

"I'm not going." Nothing else had worked, so House was going for the petulant child routine. That one always sent her running.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm. "You are going." She gave him a tug. "Know why?"

"Because you're evil and enjoy torturing me?" He pulled back, not willing to budge.

"No." She gave a strong yank and nearly pulled him to the floor. Fortunately, he grabbed onto her and landed on top of her.

"This is more like it." House leaned in and kissed her, but she turned her head quickly. "I'll tell you what. You give me a blow job and I'll think about coming with you."

"Tell YOU what, House." She shoved him onto his back and got up. "You come with me to my parents party and I'll think about letting you see me naked ever again." She smiled and walked into the living room. Moments later, House was with her.

The driver had already taken both bags out to the car and was waiting for his passengers.

"Nice car," House said, dropping his body into the backseat.

"I wanted to make sure we actually got to the airport." She shot him a knowing glance. Last time they'd tried to go see her parents House had taken the wrong exit three times.

"You could have driven," House said innocently.

"And listen to you bitch about my driving the whole way there? No thank you. I'm tense enough already." She wasn't really looking forward to this much more than he was.

"If you'd stop treating the I-95 like the Autobahn, I wouldn't have to bitch."

Cuddy didn't want to have this argument again, so she turned to the driver and asked when he thought they'd get to the airport. It was the longest hour of her life.

"Are we there yet?" House asked for the fifth time in ten minutes.

"You're not going to annoy me into changing my mind." Cuddy pulled out her iPod and pushed the noise cancelling earphones into her ears.

A few minutes later House pulled one out. "I think I forgot something."

"Don't care." She pulled the wire from his hand and shoved the earbud back into her ear.

House leaned forward and started talking to the driver. The car swerved slightly catching Cuddy's attention. She pulled the buds out of her ears just in time to hear, "...right there under the table."

"House!" She knew exactly what he was talking about, and it was private.

The driver glued his eyes to the road, afraid to look at the woman who's sex life he now knew in some detail.

"You were ignoring me." House pouted.

"Can you behave yourself for three days?" She's bargained with him before with some success.

"What do I get if I do?"

"To live," she replied bluntly.

"Did you here that Gus? She threatened my life." House called out to the driver who wanted nothing more than to get these two out of his car fast.

"Gus?" Cuddy questioned.

"We're friends now." Gus wasn't the drivers name. House hadn't bothered to get that information. It was just the first name that popped into his head, and he was pretty sure the driver wouldn't bother correcting him. He had a feeling the driver didn't like him much.

"Maybe you can marry him instead."

"You don't love me anymore?" House looked like a wounded puppy. It was a bit over the top, but he knew she wouldn't fall for it no matter how realistic he'd gone.

"Surprisingly I still do. But you're going to do something this weekend that will piss off my mother, and then you'll either have to enter witness protection, or she'll kill you."

"What is she, the head of the Jewish Mafia?"

"I wouldn't be surprised." Cuddy sighed. She wondered if it had ever dawned on her mother that the reason Cuddy was single and childless was because her mother had chased away every boyfriend she'd ever brought within ten feet of her.

House grinned. "I'm so glad you made me come." His mind went there and his smile grew. "And made me go visit your parents too."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Why am I marrying you?"

"Because you love me." House snickered. He knew she was a sucker, and he was going to tease her about it for as long as he could. He swept the hair off her neck and kissed it gently. He knew it drove her nuts, and felt her body tremble as the chill of excitement rushed through her.

She whispered into his ear. "If you think I'm going to do it with you in the backseat of a car you're crazy."

House fell back into his seat and pouted. "You're no fun."

Cuddy waited a few minutes, wanting to take him by surprise. Once he'd turned his attention back out the window, she slipped her hand slowly up his leg. She felt his eyes strain in his head. He was trying to look at her without her noticing.

Her fingers crawled slowly up his inner thigh. She felt a slight reaction as they glided across his scar, but it wasn't as bad as it used to be.

House grinned when he heard his zipper slid down quickly. It was an oddly pleasurable sound. He was tempted to spin around in his seat and take her right then and there, but he was curious to see how far she was going to take this first. It wasn't often that she initiated sex in public. He didn't want to ruin her moment.

Cuddy's fingers slid into his y-front and gently brushed the hardening shaft inside. House felt the heat filling his entire body as she stroked him slowly. His breath was coming quickly and he tried not to sweat. He didn't want her to think that she could get a rise out of him whenever she felt like it, no matter how true it was.

She felt the hot steel in her hand. It was so easy to get to him that she almost felt bad doing it, until she remembered all the times he'd done the same to her. She closed her hand in around him and watched him squirm.

"Look, we're there." She saw the airport looming in the distance.

"Don't you dare!" House said menacingly as he felt her warm hand leaving him to flap in the wind.

"I've got to pay the driver." She began fumbling for her purse.

"You are evil."

"Yes." She smiled at him, then leaned over and kissed him sweetly, her hand making quick work on his penis as she did.

She was good. So good that it took seconds to get him fully prepared to fire off. When she was done, she tossed him a tissue and got out of the car. House cleaned up with a mix of disappointment and respect, then followed her into the airport.

No matter what happened this weekend, there was no way he was not going to marry that woman.

Flying is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have

The airport was bustling with activity. People ran from here to there and back again. Lines of people waited to be harassed and fondled by security while others grew hostile in the endless, non-moving lines at the ticket window. House followed Cuddy into one such line, his limp more pronounced than ever.

"You should have gotten me a wheel chair," he said, looking for a handicapped lane.

"I am not pushing you around all day." She checked their tickets one more time.

"We're going to miss our flight."

"We have over an hour."

"You asked for a flight with no children, right?" House looked at the snot nosed brat in front of them. He was staring up at House in awe, and holding a candy bar in one grubby little hand.

"There's no such thing. So I had all the children drugged before they get on board." Cuddy realized the woman in front of her had overheard, and hid behind House for a while.

They finally made it through baggage check in. The woman who had dealt with them requested a break as soon as they turned to head for security.

The security line was moving at a snails pace. No one was surprised, or pleased about it. Cuddy took off her shoes as they approached the check point.

"Aren't you afraid they'll find the bomb," House said in his outside voice.

Moments later they were being escorted into a private room behind the check point.

"Can you arrest him for stupidity?" Cuddy was asking the officer that was questioning her.

"Unfortunately it is not yet a federal offense to make such comments, but if we find any evidence that this was more than a joke..."

"You won't. He's just a jerk, not a terrorist."

"That is for us to determine ma'am. Now please empty the contents of your bag into this basket. A female officer will come in to inspect you momentarily." The officer stepped out of the room having gotten all the answers he expected from her.

"I am not removing my clothing unless you bring me a pretty young officer." House was protesting when the lead officer came into his room. It never ceased to amaze him that people still thought it was funny to cause bomb scares in airports. He wished he could arrest people for it, through them in jail for a few days, that would straighten them out.

"You will do what you're told, unless you want to spend the night in the slammer." The gruff man said.

"Slammer? Do you guys really call it that?" House chuckled inappropriately and felt the officer ache for his gun.

"Come now, Dr. House, let's just get this over with so you and the fiancé can go back about your business."

"I don't want to go back about my business Officer," he squinted at the man's name tag, "Maitland. So just arrest me now and do me a favor."

"I'm afraid that's not going to happen Dr. House." A slow smile spread across Officer Maitland's face. This was the first time he'd ever been happy to not arrest someone. "You're free to go."

"What?" House seemed disappointed, which pleased Maitland to no end.

"You're free to go. We have seen no evidence that you have a bomb, or plan on having a bomb or that you are anything more than a sad old man trying to get attention."

"You don't know what you're talking about." House was being sentenced to a weekend with the soon to be in-laws. That was worse than a night in the worst jail in the world. At least it was to him.

"Now, collect your things and leave the airport. We have pulled your bags and they will be waiting for you at the check in desk."

House thought he was hearing things. "Does this mean we can't get on our flight?"

"What do you think Dr. House?" Maitland leaned on the table menacingly. He'd seen it on Law and Order and thought it looked cool and did it every chance he could.

"I think I love you." House got up before the man could change his mind. Glorified security guard or not, Officer Maitland had just given him the best news he'd ever gotten.

Maitland frowned as House practically skipped out of the room. He stood in the doorway and watched his prisoners reunite. The only solace he could find was in the look of death the man's fiancé had just given him.

"Looks like we're going to miss that party..."

"DON'T talk to me!" Cuddy was furious. More mad that he'd ever seen her, and he'd seen her in all stages of mad before.

"I didn't think..."

"I said don't talk to me," she snapped, pushing past him and not caring if it hurt. He'd had them banned from the airport, and from flying for six months. She was in no mood to talk to him.

House watched her get into a cab and pulled out his cell phone. "Hey Wilson. Come pick me up at the airport, outside the United terminal. I'll be waiting." He hung up. Damned voicemail. He needed a drink.

He headed back into the airport, but was stopped at the doors. "I just want to go to the bathroom."

"Sorry sir." The security guard escorted him down the sidewalk to a Porta-Potty being used by the construction crew fixing the east wing of the airport. "You can use this." The guard waited as House pretended to take a piss.


	2. The Grand Gesture

The Grand Gesture

**The Grand Gesture**

Wilson came and took his friend home in silence. He tried to ask questions, but House shut him down each time. It wasn't until he handed his friend a glass of scotch that House decided to answer one of his many questions.

"Are you insane?"

"You've known me for almost fifteen years and you still have to ask that?"

"It was rhetorical. Why did you say you had a bomb?"

"It was a joke."

"You don't joke about bombs in airports anymore House. It's a federal offence."

"Actually it's not, though there is an officer Maitland who wishes it was." House thought back not so fondly on his run in with the charming officer Maitland. "They did ban us from flying though, for six months or something."

"Six mon…House, what about your wedding?"

"What about it?"

"Aren't you going to go away for your honeymoon?"

"Why? I doubt there's going to be a wedding now." House held up his empty glass for a refill.

"House, don't talk like that." Wilson fretted. After the failure of his most recent marriage and the break up of his not relationship with Robin the hooker, Wilson needed his friends to get married, to remind himself that there was a happily ever after.

"Like what? The truth?" House was passed anger and wallowing in self pity now.

"House, you can't just give up." Wilson was rallying. "Cuddy loves you. You have to win her back."

"Maybe I don't want her back." Or maybe he didn't want to get his heart broken again.

"Oh, who are you kidding? That woman is the best thing that will ever happen to you House. She loves you the way you are, for better of worse. She's never going to try to make you into someone you're not. She finds your sexual harassment charming. She thinks you're a genius. And she loves you."

"You said that one already."

"It bears repeating, because it's not something that happens every day House. You don't get to be in love with someone who loves you often. Sure, there are girls throwing themselves at your damaged feet, imagining that you can be saved from your inner torment by their loving care…"

"Are you describing yourself now?"

Wilson wanted to hit him, but he never would. "And it's easy to fall in love with someone who won't give you the time of day, or is just using you for their own selfish ends," now he was talking about himself, but he'd never admit that to House. "But every once in a while, maybe just once in a lifetime, you manage to find someone who loves you as much as you love them, and when you do, House, you can't just throw that away. You've got to fight for that kind of love."

House's eyes had glazed over.

"You've got to make the Grand Gesture, House." Wilson felt his inner white knight mounting his inner noble steed. This was what he lived for.

"The grand gesture?" House didn't like the sound of this.

"The Grand Gesture." Wilson kept capitalizing it with his voice. It needed to have importance. To be something big and flashy. "Something meaningful, to show her you're really sorry."

"Do I have to really be sorry?" House nibbled on a pretzel.

"Yes, House, you have to really be really sorry. What you did was horrible. You should be sorry."

"Fine, if it will make you happy, I'm really sorry."

"I'm not the one you need to say that to."

"Then why are you the one harassing me?"

"Because the one you need to say it to is so mad at you right now that she can't even speak to you."

House poured a little whiskey into Wilson's glass, then drained the rest of the bottle into his own throat. "Thanks for reminding me."

Wilson felt like banging his head on the table. "You have to fix this House."

"I have to move to Hawaii." House decided.

"Hawaii? What?"

"All those bikini clad young med students looking to earn a little extra credit. The young girls go for the tragic hero type…"

"You are no tragic hero House. And you're not going to run away from this. You're going to get off your ass and find a way to make it right."

"Why? So I can find a way to hurt her again in a week or so, so we can get into another fight and I can spend another night on your couch?"

"She loves you House." Wilson was loosing steam.

"So you say."

"So she says."

"Then she's an idiot."

"An idiot is the best you can ever hope for House." Wilson got up and walked away. He needed a break from his best friend. When House got like this, there was no reasoning with him.

House was grateful for the peace and quiet. The last thing he needed right now was his manwife giving him grief. He was kicking himself enough without Wilson's help.

A grand gesture, huh? Wilson could shove his grand gesture up his grand ass. House laughed sadly to himself. It was going to take a hell of a lot more than a grand gesture to make Cuddy forget about this one. It was going to take the one thing House didn't want to do.

House banged on Wilson's bedroom door with his fist and his cane. "Get up." He banged some more. "Pack your bags. We're going on a road trip." He looked into Wilson's bleary eyes as the man stood in the doorway, pajama clad; hair tussled, and too tired to deal with House.

"Is this some kind of joke?" Wilson felt himself being shoved back into his room.

"No. It's a grand gesture. And it's your bloody idea, so get packing." House pulled a weekend back from the back of Wilson's closet and began tossing random things into it.

Wilson followed him, taking things House had put in, like the change Wilson had left on his dresser, and replacing them with useful things like socks and underwear. "What, exactly, is my idea?" Wilson pulled the now full back off the bed and lugged it into the living room.

"Cuddy wants to go to her parent's anniversary party. We're going to get her there."

"And how are we going to do that?" Wilson was still trying to process being awake.

"I told you. Road trip." House dragged his friend out of the apartment and into the car. "You're going to have to drive. I'm wasted." He tossed Wilson the keys and got in the passenger door.

"Of course," Wilson sighed resignedly. He'd be a fool to expect any less.

A half hour later House was unlocking his front door. It was well past midnight and Cuddy had fallen asleep on the couch. Their suitcases were still sitting by the front door. He motioned Wilson to bring them to the car as he went in to get Cuddy.

There was a pile of used tissues scattered on the floor. She'd been crying. And a more than half empty bottle of gin beside a glass and a jar of olives. She'd been drinking. Neither of those things pointed to anything good.

House watched her sleep for a moment. Maybe he should just forget about it. Let her rest, let her forget. She stirred and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He leaned close to her and whispered in her ear, "Cuddy? You need to wake up now."

She turned slightly away from him.

"Is she awake?" Wilson came back in, having put the bags in the trunk.

"Yeah, we're having a lovely chat." House snapped.

"What?" Cuddy mumbled, still half asleep, half drunk and not at all aware of what was happening as House wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to her feet.

"Come on, we're going to your parents place." He refused Wilson's help, wanting to walk her to the car himself: all part of the grand gesture. It wasn't easy, but he managed.

Once they were all securely seated, Wilson pulled off into the night, a sense of dread trying to take hold of him.

They drove in silence, Wilson concentrating on the road, House focusing on his DS.

"What the hell is going on?" They both jumped, and the car swerved, as Cuddy pulled herself up in the back seat.

"We're going to Chicago." House said, nonchalantly.

"Why?" She was struggling with the flashing lights that whizzed by the car at a safe, legal speed.

"Because you're parents have been married for fifty glorious years, and I would cry myself to sleep if I thought I'd missed that happy occasion." Sometimes House just didn't know when to quit.

"We would already be there if you hadn't gotten us thrown out of the airport."

House wished, at this moment, that he'd brought what was left of that bottle of gin with her. He wasn't sure, however, if he wanted to get her drunk or hit her on the head with it. Either way would get the desired result of her shutting up.

Cuddy finally noticed Wilson in the driver's seat. "And what are YOU doing here?"

"He made me," Wilson said quickly. He refused to take any responsibility for this.

"Figures." Cuddy rolled her eyes, but it made her dizzy, so she leaned back in her seat.

"I needed a driver," House said by way of apology.

"I'm not talking to you," she said rather childishly before lying back down and drifting off to sleep.

House followed suit, leaving Wilson to drive in silence, a condition he had quickly come to appreciate. His silence was short lived when he heard Cuddy getting up in the backseat.

"You're still driving," she said, looking at the sleeping House then at Wilson.

"House was supposed to take over, but he fell asleep." Wilson glanced quickly at his friend, then back to the road.

"How'd you do it?"

"Do what?"

"This." She motioned around the car. House would have been throwing a ticker tape parade at not having to see her mother, but instead he was sleeping his way half way across the country to spend the weekend with her. There was no way this was his doing.

"It was his idea," Wilson said weakly, but honestly.

"And he fell asleep on you. Typical." She wanted to stay mad at him, but he looked so sweet with his head pressed up against the window, his hair a mess and a little bit of drool hanging down out of his slack mouth.

"He had a lot to drink," Wilson said, once more making excuses for his friend.

Cuddy felt bad for Wilson. He was always cleaning up House's messes, or finding ways to get his friend off the hook. He deserved better. "Pull over."

"What?" Wilson wondered what he'd done wrong. Did she want to go back?

"Pull over. I'll drive the rest of the way." She could tell weren't that far now.

"Oh, thank you." Wilson had never been so relieved. He felt like his eyes had been pinned open and all he really wanted to do was shut them tight. By the time Cuddy pulled back onto the highway, he was snoring in the back seat.

Cuddy pressed down on the gas pedal and sped out onto the empty road. The sun was just coming out over the horizon. In a couple hours they should be there.

House didn't wake until the 50 miles to Chicago sign popped up. He found his disgruntled fiance where his disgruntled best friend should have been. "Are you talking to me yet?" He checked the backseat quickly to make sure she hadn't killed Wilson.

"Will you shut up if I say no?"

"No." It was a start.

It was also the end, as they sat in silence for what seemed an eternity but was only a few miles. The silence was filled with all the things they should be saying. A fight he could handle, a fight meant she still gave a shit. The silence was far, far worse. It meant she hadn't forgiven him. It meant he had to do something.

"I didn't think they'd take me seriously," was his feeble attempt at an apology.

"You didn't think at all. That's the problem." She wanted to say more, to call him every horrible name she could think of, but she didn't have the strength. She was tired of dealing with him.

House looked out the window. He heard Wilson toss in the back seat. He glanced over at Cuddy's white knuckles clutching the steering wheel tightly. He correctly thought she was imagining her hands around his neck.

"You should have just let me stay home." He knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as he said it.

"I should have done a lot of things, House." There was a defeated sadness in her voice. The argument had died before it even began.

House stared at her as she pulled down a tree lined street. They were almost there. She wasn't talking to him, and he was about to be faced with the one person on Earth who hated him more than his father. "Your mother doesn't want me there."

Cuddy clenched her fists around the steering wheel and fought back a tear. "I wanted you there House." Silently she whispered, 'that should have been enough.'

She hadn't thought he'd heard her, but he did, and the words stung him. "You're right, it should have been."

He didn't clarify, nor did she ask him too. They both had too much to think about any not enough time to do it in.

"We're here." Cuddy took a sharp turn into the driveway and slammed on the breaks. House usually made a spectacle of his fear of her driving skills, but he knew this was not the time to play around, so he subtly grabbed the arm rest and held on for dear life.

Wilson was jolted to life by the sudden change in speed. "Did we stop?" He poked his head up like a Meerkat and looked through each window. An impeccable white house stood on a perfectly mown lawn surrounded by a far too perfect white picket fence. An excited beagle howled at them until a tall man in the perfect yellow polo shirt and J Crew chinos walked over in his expensive loafers, no socks, and told Barney to be quiet. The dog fell silent at the man's feet and waited for their visitors to come pet him.

House looked over at Wilson, grateful for his friend's presence. "This is going to be fun," he said with the enthusiasm of a man walking to his own execution.


	3. Meet the Rosenberg

Meet the Rosenbergs

**Meet the Rosenberg's**

Cuddy greeted her brother-in-law with a polite hug. "The yard looks good." She carried on with the niceties given to members of the family that weren't really close. "Hi there Barney" She bent over and showed the dog at least as warm a greeting as she'd given Daniel.

"We didn't think you were coming." Daniel didn't sound pleased or disappointed, just indifferent, as always.

"Change of plans." Cuddy shot a glance back at House and Wilson. She supposed she should introduce them. "Daniel, this is House, and Wilson." She pointed to each one in turn.

Daniel took House's hand respectfully. "Lydia has told me all about you."

"I doubt she knows all about me." House shut up quickly when Cuddy gave him one of her looks.

Daniel looked puzzled for a moment, then plastered the smile back on his face. "And...Wilson?" He shook the intruders hand. "I'm not sure she's mentioned you."

"Probably not." Wilson shook hands politely, not sure what he should say.

"He's a friend of House. They go everywhere together." Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"They must keep you pretty busy," Daniel chuckled nervously.

"They wish," Cuddy headed inside. The men followed after her, including Barney, who took the opportunity to sneak in under the cover of company. He was generally not allowed in the house, but his owners were far too polite to say anything about it now. Especially as Lisa Cuddy was showering him with affection.

"Aunt Lisa!" A small curly haired boy came running from the other room. "You made it!" He flung himself into her arms.

"I wouldn't miss a party." Cuddy smiled, a genuine smile that House was happy to see, though he knew it wouldn't last long.

"Bek, Dani, Aunt Lisa's here!" Jake went running back into the play room to get his sisters.

Rebekkah was tall and slender, and far too endowed for the tender age of ten. Cuddy had always worried about her. She had a naive desire to make everyone happy that was bound to get her into trouble one of these days. Her long blonde hair was pulled back and was a stark contrast to the rest of their dark haired family. Daniel used to joke that she wasn't his, that she must be the milkman's kid. Unfortunately, he wasn't too far off. Though it wasn't the milkman.

Bekkah, as she was called, wore a beaming smile as she gave her favorite, and only aunt a hug. "I'm glad you came."

"You've gotten so tall." It was the polite thing you said to kids you didn't know that well, or see that often. For all Cuddy's maternal desire, she really wasn't that good around children. They made her nervous. She was always afraid she was going to screw them up.

Danielle stood behind her siblings. She didn't feel the need to run up and greet people. She wasn't like an eager little lap dog begging to be petted. "Hi Aunt Lisa." She hugged the woman tentatively. It wasn't like they really knew each other. They meet once, maybe twice a year at family gatherings. That was hardly enough to form a strong bond of friendship, or even kinship, which Dani had no use for at the moment. Her family weren't on the top of her favorite people list.

Cuddy introduced everyone to House and Wilson en mass. It was just easier that way, and she knew House wouldn't welcome individual attention. He got it anyway when little Jake came up and wrapped his tiny little arms around House's long, skinny legs.

House shot Cuddy a look that told her she'd better get it off of them before he hit it with his cane, but she didn't. She almost dared him to try to hit a child in this house. Her mother would be on him so fast he wouldn't know what hit him.

And speaking of her mother...

"What are you doing here?" Leila and Jakob entered the room hand in hand. It was sweet, that even after fifty years together, they still wanted to hold hands and sneak a snuggle when no one was looking.

Jakob didn't wait for an answer. He didn't care what it was anyway. He wanted to hug his daughter, and that's exactly what he did, nearly knocking the wind out of her as he wrapped his powerful arms around her tired little frame.

"We didn't want to miss the festivities," House said annoyingly.

"If that were true, you would have flown." Leila knew that something had happened at the airport, but her husband hadn't filled her in on what, exactly, it was.

"You wouldn't lend me your broomstick." House felt Wilson's elbow connect sharply with his ribs.

"What was that?" Leila said, quite possibly the only one in the group who didn't hear him. Fortunately the children were gone, or they'd be drown out by a fit of giggles.

"I said this is James Wilson."

"Wilson?" Leila looked at her husband for confirmation. "Wilson. I don't remember a Wilson on the guest list." No one was falling for her act, but she kept performing it. "Do we know a Wilson?" She looked at her husband.

"He's our guest, Leila. There's always room for one more." Jakob smiled and extended a hand to Wilson.

"Hmph." Leila turned with a snap. "I'll have to inform the caterers that there will be one more person for dinner." She huffed out.

"We're having a buffet. I hardly think one more person is going to screw anything up." Jakob shook his head. He loved her dearly, but sometimes his wife could be a pain in the ass. "I'd better make sure she's not getting them all worked up back there." He followed his wife's trail into the kitchen.

"Well, that went better than expected," House informed the room.

"It's not over yet." Cuddy headed down the hall with House following her. He was stopped when she slammed the bathroom door in his face so he headed back to the living room. Wilson was chatting up a slightly younger, less glamorous and far more rotund version of Cuddy.

"So, you made it after all." Lydia looked him over carefully, as if trying to deduce if this was the real Gregory House or some imposter Cuddy had hired for the weekend.

"Disappointed?" House looked her over in return. He was not impressed with what he saw. She looked uptight.

"Utterly." Lydia looked at him with the same distain her mother had. "So, I hear you're a terrorist."

"No, just trying to avoid your mother." House was surprised Lydia knew about that. That made him even more surprised that her mother didn't. Lydia seemed the type who would constantly rat out her big sister to gain brownie points with the parents.

"House," Wilson mumbled warningly.

"Don't worry, we know about his distain for our family." Lydia had grown to hate House the first time he'd broken her sister's heart, and she wasn't the type to give second chances. It might have been nearly twenty years ago, but he'd had his one strike, and he was out.

"Not your whole family. I quite like your father."

Lydia smiled that sickeningly sweet, false smile she shared with her sickeningly sour mother. "Everyone likes Father. And he likes everyone. So don't think that just because he's on your side, you have any footing in this family."

House looked at her queerly. "I don't want footing in your family, whatever that means. I'd love nothing more than for this family to disown Cuddy so we could be done with the whole lot of you." He felt Wilson tugging at his sleeve, but shook him off. "But I'm here to play nice, for Cuddy's sake. So if you don't fuck with me, I'll continue to play nice."

"And if I do fuck with you?" Lydia found the idea tempting, especially if it meant getting him to show Lisa his mean side. She needed to see that before she made the biggest mistake of her life.

"You won't, if you know what's good for you." House didn't like where this was heading, but at least now he knew where he stood. He was going to have to watch his back around all of them. "By the way, how's the boyfriend?" House grinned at her shocked face. It hadn't yet dawned on him that Cuddy might be pissed when she found out he told Lydia he knew about her affair.

"How dare you! That is none of your business."

"Will the twins be blonde like their father?"

Lydia slapped him hard across the face. "If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to make sure my sister doesn't marry you."

"Good luck with that." House rubbed his sore cheek.

"What did you do now?" Cuddy was back, and glaring at him with her hands firmly on her hips and a scowl on her face.

"Made another enemy it seems."

"You're getting good at that." She turned and left him to commiserate with Wilson.

"Where do you suppose we'll be sleeping?" Wilson looked down at their bags and wondered if it was a wasted effort to take them out of the car.

"I'll take care of it," House said confidently as he headed off after Cuddy.


	4. The Storm Before the Calm

**The Storm Before the Calm**

House searched the far too well appointed house, scoffing and snarling at the total lack of personality, even in the perfectly arranged family photos. If there were a Jewish version of the Stepford family, this would be it.

He opened an upstairs door with the words 'do not enter' printed in pretty girlish letters on a small plaque. He wondered how this had managed to slip past Lydia's Gestapo inspection.

Cuddy was sitting alone on a small, Hanna Montana covered bed.

"Get out!" She said, avoiding his stare.

"No." House had had it. He was not going to face her family on his own. He shut the door and walked over to the bed.

"House..." she really could care less at the moment what his issues were.

House looked at her. She looked so sad. All the life had gone out of her eyes. That sparkle she always seemed to have was missing. He wanted it back. "I'm sorry." It took all his strength to say those two little words, words most people wouldn't think twice about, but which he said so infrequently it was like speaking in a foreign language.

"What are you sorry about House?" Cuddy didn't want to believe him. She wanted to stay mad at him. She would forgive him when they got home, she knew that, but it was far easier to direct her anger at him than face the years of anger she'd built up towards her mother. She needed to stay angry at House, at least for now.

She couldn't look up at him. She knew she should, she knew he was doing something that was difficult for him, and that she should support him in that, show that it meant something to her, but she wanted to stay mad at him, and the sincerity in his face was making that very, very difficult.

"Forget it." She shook her head, secretly glad he didn't really mean it, and hating herself for that relief.

House felt himself growing stronger. She needed him now. This was his chance to make that grand gesture Wilson was prattling on about. He felt himself loosing her. He could see it in her eyes, and the prospect scared him shitless.

"NO! I won't forget it." He could feel something big swelling up inside him. "Your mother has made it very clear that she doesn't want me here. She hates me. And with good reason." She tried to speak but he motioned her to wait until he'd finished. "And you know very well I would rather be working in the clinic than spend an hour with your mother, and now that I've met your sister, I hope to never make that mistake again. So, if you expected this to be a nice, pleasant weekend, then I'm sorry but you're more naive than I thought."

"I..."

"Don't." He knew he was letting her down, but it was too late now. Everything, all the flowery words of remorse he had intended to say had been trampled down by his true feelings. "I know I've let you down again. I know that a good fiancé, a good human being, would make an effort to get along with your family. You're not asking for much, just a weekend, and I can't even give you that. But what did you expect? I am not a good person. I'm a selfish asshole and I can not...I will not compromise myself just to make that bitch more comfortable."

"I know." She spoke so fragily he thought he'd finally broken her. The thought tore him apart.

House turned and stormed out. He needed to find alcohol. He needed to drink himself out of existence before he destroyed them both.

Wilson felt him push past. His first instinct was to follow House, but he knew the man well enough to know when to back away. His next instinct was to check on Cuddy, so that's what he did. "Can I come in?" He pushed his way gently through the door without her acceptance.

"Go away." She didn't want to talk to House's emissary. She had gotten what she wanted, and she hated it.

"He is trying." Wilson sat beside her on the small bed. He never did know when to give up.

"He's not trying, Wilson. He never tries. That's the problem." House tried only hard enough to say he was trying, but if he ever did really make an effort, there was nothing he couldn't do. She knew that. Wilson knew that. Hell, House probably even knew that, but he was still too afraid to really try. It was the one thing she wished she could fix, but she knew she couldn't.

"He's House." Wilson shrugged. It was the only excuse he had left.

Cuddy turned and looked Wilson in the eye, trying to gage his true feelings. Did he really think it was okay for House to slide through lift just because he was House, whatever that meant? "Don't you get tired of saying that?"

Wilson sighed. He felt old and tired. "Yes."

"Just keep an eye on him." Cuddy tried to make her voice sound hard and unfeeling. She wanted Wilson to think House needed a probation officer to keep him in line, but what he really needed was a body guard. He had not yet seen what her mother was capable of, and when he did, all hell was going to break loose.


	5. Hell Always Has a Way of Breaking Loose

**Hell Always Has a Way of Breaking Loose**

The house began to fill with people. The Cuddy's had lived in Chicago for years, in this very house before giving it to Lydia as a wedding present. "You'll be able to fill it with happy, smiling children" , her mother had told her, and Lydia did, having her first child, Rebekkah, just nine months after the wedding. The official story was that the baby was early, though the family, those willing to admit it, knew better.

Everyone came over and greeted Lisa warmly. Most of these people hadn't seen her in years. Relatives she'd hardly known, neighbors from her past, all of them spoke highly of that smart, beautiful Cuddy girl. Most of them thought more of her than her own mother did.

"Don't screw this up." Wilson handed his friend a glass of wine. He knew he shouldn't, that it could be considered enabling him, but he knew House would just take a glass anyway, so what was the point in trying to stop him.

"Is that an order?" House was always adverse to orders, and tended to do exactly the opposite of what he was told.

"Of course it's not an order. I'm not your father, House. But I'm your friend, and I'd like to introduce you to a little something we in the human race like to call common decency. Common decency, this is Dr. House."

"We met once before, didn't get along."

"House," Wilson warned.

"Fine. But this common decency shtick doesn't get me back in Cuddy's pants, I'm coming after you."

Wilson's eyes grew large. "Not to get into my pants I hope."

"You wish." House strode off toward Cuddy. Wilson followed along like the good little puppy he was.

"Hello darling." House slipped his arm around Cuddy's waist and kissed her cheek gently. He knew she wouldn't make a scene in front of her friends and family. "Aren't you going to introduce me?" He smiled sweetly.

"I hadn't planned on it", she teased, and got a little laugh from her court.

"Hello," House thrust out his hand, "I'm Dr. Gregory House. I'm the lucky man who gets to marry this wonderful woman." He kissed the top of her head and heard a collective awe from the women in the group.

"I knew it!" Said a robust woman standing beside Cuddy. "I saw the ring and thought, but then Lisa never said, so I wasn't sure, but I thought maybe, and Leila has been, but oh this is so wonderful." She grabbed House tightly in her arms and gave him a big kiss on each cheek. "Welcome to the family young man."

"Young?" House mouthed to Cuddy in disbelief.

"House, this is my aunt Margo."

House inspected the shortish, plumpish woman in the floral brocade suit with a confection of cotton candy hair piled on her head. She wore more makeup than a South Side prostitute, but managed to seem old fashioned and demure just the same.

"You must be Jakob's sister." House smiled at her politely. The resemblance was uncanny, aside from the hair and makeup.

"Oh, you are a clever one." Margo slapped his chest playfully. She then turned to her niece with a beaming smile. "You take good care of this one, Lisa, he's a keeper."

Cuddy groaned as House beamed down at her. "I'm a keeper," he said playfully in her ear.

"Yes, I'll keep you, in a nice pine box, six feet under."

House smiled. "That's no way to take care of your young man."

"Shut up House." Her words had lost the edge they'd had earlier. She was softening up again. All was not lost.

"So, who's next?" House looked around the room.

"Drop the act, House." Cuddy dragged him to a corner of the room.

"What act?" House said, still acting.

"I know you don't want to be here, and you have no interest in getting to know my family. So drop the act."

"You wanted me to behave myself, so I'm being a good little boy. Now you don't want me to be? Would you make up your mind woman?"

"Why?"

"Because you're giving me a headache. Be good, be yourself, be good, be..."

"No. Why are you suddenly being so nice?" It made her uncomfortable, like it was a portent of doom.

"Because I love you." He realized she wouldn't buy that. "And Wilson is paying me."

"Paying you?" She glossed right over the love part.

"Yeah." House thought fast. Then a brilliant idea struck him. "He's doing to do my clinic duty for a month." He loved it when he could kill two birds with one lie.

"I'll do everything I can to keep you away from my mother." She was pleased he was trying, and thought to make a concession. "Come on." She pulled him toward a group of young people and made introductions.

House was charming, witty and the life of the party in no time. Cuddy was impressed. Wilson was dumbfounded. Leila was furious.

"What does he think he's doing?" She cornered her husband with her question.

"Enjoying himself?" Jakob took a shot in the dark.

"He's not supposed to be enjoying himself Jakob."

"It's a party, we're all supposed to be enjoying ourselves. I think he's doing quite well for an outsider." It was never easy for one of the girls boyfriends to enter into the tight knit Cuddy clan with all their inside jokes and loud festivities. House was doing an impressive job of fitting in.

Leila watched in contempt as the group of people surrounding House burst into laughter.

"Have a knish." Jakob removed one from his plate and stuck it in his wife's mouth.

House excused himself from the group and found himself a nice empty room. It looked to be a study, probably Jakob's. There were medical books lining one wall, a desk with a top of the line computer which looked unused, and a nice couch behind the two visitors chairs. He grinned when he realized the room looked a lot like Cuddy's office at the hospital.

Cuddy walked in after him. "Thank you." She pulled him into her arms and gave him a long, passionate kiss.

"Thank me again," he said, pulling her back when their lips parted.

"If you want, you can hide out in here for a while." Cuddy didn't want to push her luck. The party had been going better than she could have expected.

"Is there cable?" House flipped on the television.

"Probably." Cuddy sighed and turned to leave.

House found Cinemax and settled down for the rest of the night.

Halfway through Hotel Erotica: Primal Urge, House heard the doorknob giggle.

"House, open up, it's me." It was Wilson's voice, so it must be Wilson.

House got up and trudged to the door reluctantly.

"What did you do House?" Wilson hurried in and shut the door behind him, locking it securely.

"What do you mean what did I do?" House didn't like the sound of this.

"Cuddy's gone. She had a huge fight with her sister and walked out. Leila is blaming you, Jakob defended you, now they're fighting. The whole thing is a mess."

"I was in here." House knew that this was somehow his fault, he just couldn't figure out how that could possibly be. "What were they fighting about?" He knew Wilson couldn't resist gossip.

"Well, apparently Lydia has been having an affair, and Cuddy must have known, because she accused her of telling, and Daniel overheard them, and so he and Lydia got into a fight, and Leila accused Cuddy of lying and trying to sabotage Lydia's marriage because she's jealous because she's stuck with you and..."

"Stuck with me?" House hated Leila. He really did. If she came into the clinic with an illness, he'd make it worse, not better, Hippocratic Oath be damned.

"Yeah, she thinks Cuddy's marrying you to spite her, and that she really wants Daniel back..."

"Back?" That was new.

"Yeah, apparently Daniel was dating Cuddy...Lisa, before he dated and married Lydia. Now Leila thinks that Lisa is having an affair with Daniel, which is why she made up the lie about Lydia having an affair and..."

"It's not a lie."

"What?"

"It's not a lie. I overheard them talking about it."

"Wow." Wilson's mind was reeling. "House, it's all a mess. Bekkah has locked herself in the bathroom, Cuddy is god knows where, Daniel stormed out and said he wanted a divorce, and Leila is looking for you, and she might as well be shouting 'off with his head'."

"See what happens when I try to be nice."

"House, this is..." Wilson couldn't finish because House was gone.


	6. The Great Escape

The Great Escape

**The Great Escape**

House knew he had to get out of the house. If Leila found him, well, he refused to let that happen. He would find Cuddy, and explain to her...what? What was there to explain? How could he possibly make any of this right?

He slowly, carefully opened the door and peaked out into the hallway. No one was around. He could hear Leila's shrill harpy cries coming from the kitchen, and Lydia, or at least it sounded like her, and was that Daniel? Were arguing about how to get Bekkah to come out of the bathroom, right in front of the bathroom door, which sounded counter productive to House. He didn't say anything, however, because it afforded him the perfect opportunity to sneak out the front door and into the picket prison that was their yard.

The voices became distant as he headed toward the gate. He stopped. Bekkah was what, ten at the most? Poor kid probably knew exactly what was going on. House walked around the side of the house until he came to what he thought must be the bathroom window. He tapped the glass with his cane.

"Look, I know you're in there." He had peeked through the crack in the curtain and seen her laying on the floor. She looked up at the window. House hit it with his cane again. She pulled herself to her feet and walked toward it. "Open it," he mouthed with exaggeration through the glass.

She sniffled as she stared at him.

"Wanna go for a walk?" He asked casually. She nodded and climbed out the window. House gave a snorty little laugh as they walked toward the sidewalk. "Families suck."

Bekkah looked up at him. "Do your parents fight all the time?"

"Don't know. I don't go near them." House was looking off into the distance.

"I think I'd like that, when I grow up." Bekkah tried to take his hand, but he quickly moved it away.

"Why wait?" House wasn't sure what he was talking about, but he felt for this little girl and he knew she needed someone to talk to. Someone who was not family.

"You think I should run away?" It wasn't the first time the thought had crossed her mind.

"Sure." House shrugged. He had an idea now. "Got a job?"

She shook her head.

"Yeah, but you've got some money saved for an apartment, right?"

She thought about it. "I've got 250 in the bank." Her father had made her start a savings account and put part of her allowance in it each month. It was a new concept, so she hadn't saved quite as much as she needed.

"Not sure what that will get you. Maybe a room downtown, in one of those shelters with the cots all lined up in a big room, and a bathroom you share with everybody."

"Even the boys?" She was at that awkward stage where sharing anything with boys was weird.

"Even the boys." House thought they probably had separate facilities for the sexes, but how was she going to check it out?

"Oh." She looked down at her feet. She was wearing her dress shoes, black patent leather with little bows. She hated the shoes, thought they were for little girls, but her mother had forced her, still trying to dress her and her sister alike.

"Nice shoes," House said nonchalantly.

"You like them?" She made a face.

"Nope." House shook his head. "But you can probably sell them for food money, get a decent price. Maybe buy yourself a cheeseburger."

"We don't eat cheeseburgers." Bekkah frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We don't eat fast food. Mommy says it's bad for us."

"Oh really?" House wanted to piss Lydia off, and he wanted to make Bekkah happy, if only for a moment. "Do you know where there's a McDonalds nearby? I'll treat you to a last meal before you leave."

Her face lit up. "Really?"

"I wouldn't lie." That was a lie.

"There's one down by the mall. But it's too far to walk."

"Wait here." House pulled out his mobile and dialed Wilson's number. A few minutes later, the poor, confused man pulled up to the curb and let them in.

"What the hell is going on? Everyone is worried sick about you Bekkah." He was relieved to see her, but horrified to see her with House. "They finally broke down the door when you weren't answering and found you gone. Your mother is in tears."

"Good!" Bekkah said defiantly, looking up at House for approval. He smiled down at her proudly.

"House, this is not a good idea," Wilson whispered as he drove them to McDonalds.

"Since when do I let that stop me?"

"Good point."

House bought Bekkah a Happy Meal, himself a #1 and Wilson a salad. Wilson didn't know it, but he was on a diet. He took the tray and headed for a table, leaving Wilson to pay. Wilson had already had his wallet out, having eaten out with House before.

"These are the best French fries I've ever had," Bekkah said with her mouth full of the very fries she was praising.

"Yes, but they can kill you." House said, shoving a ketchup covered one in his mouth.

"What?" Bekkah froze, fry in mid air.

"That's what your mother says, isn't it? All that fat and cholesterol. At your age, you need to be aware of that kind of thing. Next thing you know your blood pressure will shoot up and osteoporosis will come knocking at your door."

"House, you're scaring her." Wilson saw the look of fear in the young girls eyes and patted her back warmly.

"The world is a scary place, and if she's going to be living in it all alone..."

"Can't I live with you and Aunt Lisa?" Ooops. House hadn't seen that coming.

"No." He shot the idea down before she could fully develop it. "No room."

Bekkah frowned. "What about you?" She looked up at Wilson.

House could see his friend crumbling. Here was a damsel in distress, and House could see Wilson already dreaming about rescuing her.

"Forget it!" House snapped. "No one wants to have another mouth to feed. You'd just be in the way. What makes you think anyone but your parents would want to raise you?"

"House!" Wilson pulled the now sobbing girl into a strong hug.

"I want my Mommy!" Bekkah was heartbroken.

"Happy now?" Wilson scolded as he led the girl back to the car.

"Yep." House had accomplished what he set out to accomplish. Did it suck that he had to hurt a little girl to do so? Yes. Was it best for said little girl in the long run? Yes. Did the ends justify the means? In House's mind, the ends always justified the means.

The car pulled into the driveway and Bekkah practically charged out of it. House and Wilson barely managed to keep up. By the time they entered the House, Bekkah was in her mothers arms, and everyone was staring at him.

"What did you do?" Cuddy had returned and walked over to him, not wanting anyone else to hear what he had to say until he'd run it passed her.

"I heard she'd gone missing, so I went to look for her." House made sure everyone heard him.

"Really?" Cuddy wasn't so sure that was how it went down.

"Is that what happened dear?" Lydia looked down at her daughter with sorrow in her eyes. She wasn't mad at Bekkah, she didn't want the girl to think that, but she also refused to take any responsibility for the girl leaving in the first place.

Bekkah looked up at House, confused. That wasn't what happened. Why had he said that was what happened? He winked at her. That was even more confusing. She shook her head and buried her face in her mothers dress.

"What happened dear?" Leila wanted to know so she could yell at House and kick him out on his ear.

"He..." sniffle, "I..." sniffle.

"It's okay dear, take your time," Leila said in a way that really said you'd better spit it out and fast.

"I wanted to run away, and, and..." sniffle. "Dr. House told me I shouldn't because it's too scary and no body would love me the way my family does and...and so I came home." She sobbed loudly. "Please don't be mad at me Mommy."

"I'm not," Lydia lied comfortingly.

"Well, it looks like we have a hero in our midst," Jakob said, trying to improve morale. "And Beks is home save, and I think it's time for a toast." He knew damned well it wasn't time for a toast, but he wanted a drink, and it didn't seem like a good time to drink alone either, so he hoped to have some company.

House was first to grab one of the glasses of champagne Jakob poured out. "We'll talk later," Jakob said to him before releasing the glass into his custody. House gulped nervously.

"I would like to propose a toast to family." Jakob's booming voice took command of the room. "We have our ups and down, we have our breakups and makeups, but in the end we learn to compromise and understand each other better than anyone, for better or for worse. To family."

"To family," everyone said, clinking their glasses with false merriment.

The party had died long ago, and only family were left. They trickled quickly once Bekkah was found safe. Jakob and Leila had made up, though no one wanted to ask how, since they'd vanished for a while and come back smiling and slightly flush. Daniel and Lydia had made up as well, at least on the surface. No one was surprised by this. They both cared more about appearance than a little thing like infidelity. Everything had fallen back to normal in less than an hour.

House looked around him in awe, and not the good kind. "What the hell happened?" He saw people acting as though nothing had happened."

"The same thing that always happens. We fight, we make up, we pretend everything is fine until the next fight."

"Well that's not healthy." House hated families. He'd never met one that wasn't completely fucked up.

"No shit." Cuddy downed her drink in one gulp and put the glass down, then she took House's hand and went to find Wilson.


	7. The Morning After

The Morning After

**The Morning After**

House turned over and put out his arm. He felt her warm, soft skin beneath his and smiled in his sleep. Last night had been a trip he never wanted to go on again. But it did prove one thing to him, not that he really needed it proved, but it was nice to have absolute confirmation that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the woman now laying beside him. If he didn't, he would have walked out last night and never looked back.

He had tried to explain that Lydia's being a lying cheating whore wasn't his fault, but he probably should have phrased it better. Much to his surprise, Cuddy didn't slap him in the face. Her resentment of perfect sister Lydia must have been a lot deeper than he'd thought.

He looked over at his sleeping fiancé. The sex last night had been amazing. Make up sex was great, but make up sex after a family trauma was even better.

After most of the guests had left, House watched the Cuddy family fall back into their old routine. There was obviously still a rift between Lydia and Daniel, but they mostly just avoided one another with plastic smiles plastered on their faces. Lydia spent much of the rest of the evening being coddled by her mother while Bekkah spent most of the evening being fawned over by her father.

"That's what usually happens," Cuddy explained as House watched the whole thing with fascinated horror.

"Usually?"

"It's not easy to maintain that kind of perfection." Cuddy almost smiled and House fell in love with her a little more. He did love her compassion and kindness, but he always got a little excited when she showed her bitchy side.

House saw Cuddy's face drop and didn't think it was a good sign. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and waited for the punch. It never came. Instead he heard Jakob's disappointed voice.

"I want to talk to you." Jakob looked at his daughter then followed up with, "alone."

"No." Cuddy was insistent.

"Excuse me?" Jakob blinked at her.

"Whatever you have to say to him, you can say to me." She grimaced at how clichéd that sounded. "He's just going to tell me anyway." That didn't sound any better.

Jakob looked at House who shrugged. He really would have preferred to face Jakob on his own, but with the size of the dog house he had built for himself, he felt he needed to give in on this one.

"I'm not going to..." Jakob started to speak.

"Just go." Cuddy pushed both men toward her fathers study. It was the closest place they could find privacy. She locked the door once they were inside.

Jakob looked at his daughter. He wasn't sure he could do this with her there, and she knew it. He sighed heavily and glared at House. "I supported you from the very beginning. I really thought you could make my little girl happy..."

"He does," Cuddy could see the thickly veiled hurt in House's eyes.

"Lisa, he very nearly tore this family apart today." Jakob loved his family. For better or worse, they were a part of him, and he hated to see them fight. He hated the underlying current of animosity that now surrounded them all. This was supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, and this man, this man that Jakob had trusted and welcomed in, had very nearly destroyed it all.

"It's not my fault your daughter is a lying, cheating whore." House felt the words escape his mouth without checking with his brain first.

"Don't you dare speak about my daughter that way!" Jakob was barely able to contain himself. If his daughter hadn't jumped to his side he probably would have punched House, and House would have deserved it.

Cuddy looked pleadingly at House. She'd always known he was self destructive, but had kidded herself into thinking she could control it, at least a little bit.

"I'm not apologizing," House informed her. "Your sister is cheating on her husband. Fact. Your sister has been hiding the fact that she's been cheating on her husband. Fact. She had the nerve to have her boyfriend at her parent's anniversary party. Fact." He noticed the look of shock on both the Cuddy's faces. "You didn't know that bit?"

"Fact," Cuddy said, slightly stunned.

"How do you know this?" Jakob was torn between wanting to kill House and wanting to kill the man who'd ruined his daughter's reputation. Well, the OTHER man who had.

House made a face. "Come on, really? You couldn't figure it out? The looks across the room? The hands oh so conveniently brushing as they reached for the same piece of chicken? The coordinated bathroom breaks?" He looked around the room. "Am I really the only one who pays attention anymore?"

"Who? Who is it?" Jakob needed a name.

"You're going to hit me if I tell." House had suddenly become discrete. It didn't suit him.

"Only if it's you, asshole." Jakob was furious. How dare she, how dare she bring her lover to his anniversary party. It was bad enough she was cheating on Daniel, kind, innocent, slightly dim Daniel, but to rub his face in it, and the rest of the family... Jakob was turning red with rage.

"Trust me, it is NOT me." House screwed up his face in disgust. It would take a lot of booze and a life threatening situation to make Lydia Rosenberg attractive to him at this point. Maybe, if he'd not actually been in the same room with her for any length of time, he could find her moderately attractive. She did look a bit like her sister, but her personality was an automatic turn off.

"Good." Jakob felt a bit of his anger toward House waning. The man certainly knew how to manipulate people. Jakob felt a slight admiration for that. House would have made a great Politian.

Cuddy and House both looked at the older gentleman expectantly. He was clearly ruminating about something.

"Look, Greg, don't ever do something like that again." He was still angry at how things had gone, but his anger had been directed at the wrong person.

"Don't invite me to another family function and you've got yourself a deal." House smiled disarmingly. He knew he could be charming when it suited him.

"Done." Jakob turned and left before he could change his mind. House was a little sorry to see him go. Without her father there, he wasn't sure what Cuddy would do to him.

Cuddy stood in front of him, staring up into his eyes. "You infuriate me," she told him sternly. "I really can't blame my mother for not wanting us to get married." House felt himself being crushed slowly. "But I never do what my mother tells me." She started to smile. "So consider yourself one lucky bastard." She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.

House moaned in his sleep as he relived that kiss. At the time, he hadn't been certain he would ever taste her lips again.

"Wake up," Cuddy said, pulling away from him.

"What?" House blinked a few times and realized he had been trying to kiss her in his sleep, and missing, if the slobber she was wiping off her cheek was any indication. He smiled mischievously as he handed her a tissue. "You're finally right about something."

She looked at him quizzically. "And what might that be?"

"I am a lucky bastard." He pressed his weight down on top of her, his lips melting slowly into hers.

"Don't ever forget it," she warned as he began to work his way down the length of her body.

"I'm sure I will." He kissed her navel. "So you're just going to have to keep reminding me." He pulled her legs apart and reminded her how lucky she was, twice.


	8. Cut and Run

**Cut and Run**

Leila had breakfast waiting for them. The kitchen smelled of eggs and toast and all the warm, inviting smells of breakfast. Jakob sat reading the newspaper, still in a navy plaid robe and matching slippers. The matching slippers had been a gift from the grandkids, and as much as he hated them, he wore them anyway. He just had to walk extra careful on slippery surfaces.

"Morning," Jakob said, since no one else was speaking.

"Morning," House replied.

"Good morning," Wilson said sounding more awake then he felt.

Cuddy bent down and kissed her father on the cheek. She moved toward her mother, but the woman hurried away with a frying pan full of scrambled eggs.

House came up behind his fiancé and hugged her from behind. "I'll be a witness for the defense, if you need me to."

Cuddy smiled and leaned against him. "Don't tempt me."

Leila remained mostly silent as she finished preparing breakfast. Once she'd taken care of the kitchen, she prepared a nice tray complete with a fresh flower from her garden in a little crystal vase, and headed up stairs.

"Lydia?" Cuddy asked her father.

"Lydia." Her father replied.

House watched them exchange the same word while he switched Cuddy's plate with his.

"What are you doing?" Cuddy switched them back.

"In case she poisoned mine." House switched them again.

"You'd rather she poison me?" Cuddy asked with an arched brow.

House hadn't thought of that. Now that he had, he switched Cuddy's plate with Wilson's.

"What?" Wilson looked at his friend.

"She puts out." House said by way of explanation.

Cuddy sighed and took the plate back. "She's not going to poison you House." She smiled to herself. "If she does kill you, it's going to be brutal and violent, and she'll be there to watch you take your last dying breath."

"Charming." House narrowed his eyes at his fiancé. She seemed a little too happy about that prospect.

"How'd you sleep?" She addressed Wilson as she took a bite of her possibly poisoned pancakes. She thought she tasted something strange mixed in with the batter and banana, but it was just her mind playing tricks on her. Chocolate chip pancakes were her favorite, but Lydia always preferred banana. Guess which ones Leila made more often?

"Good," Wilson lied. He'd slept in Bekkah's room, and the small twin bed did not lend itself to a grown man's weight and length.

"Liar," House accused.

"What time are you leaving?" Mrs. Cuddy had returned and didn't bother to look at anyone in the room.

"As soon as we can," House replied. He felt both Wilson and Cuddy kick him under the table. Had he known, he would have moved his legs out of the way and let them kick each other. Alas, another missed opportunity.

"Yes, that's best. You wouldn't want to get stuck in too much traffic." Leila's voice sounded as though she sincerely hoped they did get stuck in traffic, bad traffic, or better yet, got involved in a ten car pileup, with House at the very bottom of the pile, of course.

Wilson swallowed his big bite of eggs and brought his plate over to Leila. "That was delicious Mrs. Cuddy."

"I'm very glad you liked it Dr. Wilson. Can I make you some more?" Leila sounded like someone's sweet old grandmother, all kind and caring. The hell?

"No, I'm full." Wilson patted his belly appreciatively.

"Unbelievable," House muttered under his breath.

"What's unbelievable, House?" Cuddy asked as she cleared his plate.

"Boy Wonder strikes again." House turned toward Wilson as Cuddy went off with the plates. "Is there no woman you can't charm?"

Wilson leaned over his friend as he helped clear the table. "You should try it House, might make your life a bit easier."

House thought about the prospect of charming Leila Cuddy. He'd heard of men who could charm snakes, and apparently Wilson fell into that category, but House absolutely did not. "I don't like easy."

"That's pretty obvious." Wilson got up and followed everyone else into the living room.

Daniel smiled weakly as they entered. He had just come down from Jake's room, where he'd spent the night, and he looked tired and disheveled.

"Daniel," Cuddy smiled sympathetically at him. He just shrugged and smiled back. "Give her a chance to explain."

"She has. It's over." They were talking in whispers so Leila's prying ears couldn't overhear them. "But she wouldn't tell me who it was." Daniel looked at House. House knew. He must know who the man was.

"Does it really matter?" Cuddy hated putting House back in the middle of this mess. Mostly because she was afraid he'd make it a bigger mess.

"Yes, Lisa, it does." Daniel was on the verge of tears. House, lingering nearby rolled his eyes.

Her face showed her distress, but Cuddy motioned House over. "Who was it?"

"It wasn't me." House assumed he was about to be blamed for something, per usual.

"I know it wasn't you." The thought disgusted her. "Who is Lydia having the affair with?"

"That's really not our business Cuddy." Now is when House decided to get sanctimonious.

"House," she said threateningly, "just describe the guy."

"Who said it was a guy?" House smiled. He saw the shock in Daniel's face, but that was eclipsed by the rage in Cuddy's, so he decided to be straight. "Tall guy, blondish hair, light colored eyes, he was wearing a tacky sports jacket, pants just slightly too tight to show off a bulge I'm not convinced was all him, if you know what I mean…" it was obvious Cuddy knew what he meant, and by the look on her face she didn't like it, so he stopped with the innuendo. "He told really bad jokes, and oh, he handed me this business card." House pulled out a card and handed it to Cuddy who nearly tore it out of his hands.

"I'll deal with you later," she informed him, then looked at the card and turned white.

"What is it?" Daniel asked anxiously.

"Are you sure…"

"Show it to me Lisa." There was a menacing tone in Daniel's voice that totally betrayed his normal, mousy exterior. House actually felt a chill run down his spine, but dismissed it as a result of the ice queen approaching.

"What's going on?" Leila looked suspiciously at her daughter, then her son-in-law, then the spawn of Satan. "What's he done now?" she asked, glaring at House.

"Nothing." Cuddy sighed and took Daniel by the arm. "Let's go outside."

As much as House hated Leila, he knew what he had to do. With a groan, he stood between the old shrew and the departing couple. "So, Leila, I forgot to wish you and your husband a happy anniversary."

"Get out of my way." Leila wasn't playing nice.

"Not a chance." House grabbed her arm and wouldn't let go. Neither Wilson nor Jakob cared to get involved.

"Lisa, show me the card." Daniel held out his hand. Even though he already knew exactly who House had described, he had to see it for himself. He had to know that his best friend, since childhood, had been lying to him for years.

"I'm sorry Daniel." Cuddy handed him the card.

"That bastard!" Daniel tore Mark Simon's business card into tiny pieces. Still not satisfied, he threw the pieces on the ground and stamped on them repeatedly.

Cuddy watched silently, ready for him when he broke down into tears on her shoulder. "She's not worth it Daniel." Cuddy had always had a soft spot for Daniel. He wasn't her type, though she'd tried dating him briefly, but he was a good guy, and he deserved better than this.

"You don't…this is…" he couldn't form complete sentences. He took a moment to pull himself together, then pulled away and looked into Cuddy's eyes. "My whole marriage, my whole marriage was a lie."

"You don't know that."

"I do. She never loved me." He laughed a desperate, sad sort of laugh. "Rebekkah's not even my biological daughter." He smiled weakly, waiting for a reaction.

"You knew…" oops. God she wished she could take those two words back.

The anger that flashed across his face was quickly pushed aside by resignation. "Everybody knew, apparently." He couldn't blame Lisa for figuring it out. "That's why I married her."

"What?"

"I loved her. I cared about her deeply. And when she told me, about the baby, well, she said the father was a gentile. That your mother would never approve. I told her I'd make an honest woman of her." He laughed rather hysterically, then stopped suddenly.

"You rescued her." Figures. Lydia always had a way of screwing up her life so badly and then having someone come in and make it all better. That someone was usually her mother, but it wasn't entirely surprising to find that Daniel had done it too.

"I loved her."

"What about now?" Cuddy challenged him by looking him straight in the eyes. Daniel reminded her a lot of Wilson, always putting everyone else's wants and needs before his own, always trying to fix the people he loved.

"I want to get the hell away from her." There was true hatred in his voice. He thought, foolishly, that Lydia had come to love him over the past ten years. That she appreciated all he'd done for her. The sudden truth stung that much more because of his misguided beliefs.

"Then go." Cuddy would love nothing more than to see her sister get divorced. She felt a little guilty at how giddy the thought made her, but then she remembered how horribly selfish Lydia was, and the guilt went away, a bit.

"If I leave her, I'll never see Bekkah again." This truth had been hanging over his head ever since Bekkah was born. Any time they had a fight Lydia would make sure Daniel knew what he had to lose. "Lydia will tell her the truth, and I'll lose her."

Cuddy suddenly felt like crap. This was so unfair. Daniel was one of the best parents she knew. She hated what she had to say now. "Bekkah deserves to know the truth."

"Yeah," Daniel spat with annoyance.

Cuddy took his hands in hers and looked him in the eyes. "You're a good father Daniel. All your children love you, and blood or not, Rebekkah is one of your children. If Lydia tries to take her away from you, she'll have to deal with me, and House." Cuddy figured she could bully House into getting involved if she had to. "And Dad. You're not alone in this Daniel."

"Thank you Lisa." Daniel wrapped her in a hug. "I should have married you when I had the chance."

Cuddy felt his hand slipping down her waist. She quickly put a stop to it. He was grieving and confused and didn't realize what he was doing. "You ready to go back inside?"

He shook his head.

"I'm going to go in. You can stay out here for a while. I'll make sure you're not disturbed." She smiled at him warmly, and held his hand as long as she could as she walked back toward the house. "Stay strong Daniel."

House was pacing anxiously when Cuddy returned. "We have to go," he said, grabbing her arm and heading back toward the door. Wilson jumped out of his seat and grabbed the suitcases.

"Where's my mother?" Cuddy looked around the room. House and Wilson had been its only inhabitants.

"Huh?" House pretended he hadn't heard her as he grabbed the final bag and shoved her out the door.

"What's going on House?" A horrible image of her parents bound and gagged in a closet flashed through her head.

"We're escaping, while there's still time." House looked over his shoulder as he pushed her into the car. Wilson had already thrown the bags in the trunk and was climbing into the driver's seat.

"Escaping from what?"

"Don't worry about it."

Wilson swerved into the street and zipped out of sight.

"Am I being kidnapped?" She asked the two highly suspicious men.

"Is that such a bad thing, considering?"

"I didn't get to say goodbye to my father." She was emotionally exhausted.

"I said it for you. Don't worry about it." House lied.

"What's going on?"

"Don't worry about it," House said once again, putting a protective arm around her.

"How can I not worry about it? You're involved."

"Your father got your mother out of the way so we could get out of there. That's all."

"And why would he need to do that?"

"Because House called her a nosy old windbag, and well, things deteriorated from there."

"House!" Cuddy was at her wits end. She felt tears of exhaustion falling down her cheeks. "Why do you do these things?"

House handed her a crumpled tissue from his pocket. "She's a horrible person," he said bluntly.

"She's my mother, House!" She cried.

"That doesn't make her a good person."

"Your father seemed nice," Wilson said, trying to be helpful.

"He's alright," House concurred, "but the rest of that family…" he shook his head in disgust.

"My family, House. They're MY family." House felt defensive on their behalf. She could hate her mother and resent her sister, but no one else was allowed to do it.

"All that means is you share the same blood. Blood is a necessity, it sustains life, but it doesn't define it. It's not who you are. THEY are not who you are."

"They're my family, House." She said it like he should understand what that meant, but then remembered who she was talking to. "I know you don't like your family. I envy you for that. It must be nice to never give a damn about anyone but yourself. But I care about where I came from. I care about the people who raised me, who I grew up with. My mother and father made me who I am, for better or worse, and I owe it to them to care."

"You owe them nothing." House looked out the window. "They did their job. You shouldn't have to justify them. They shouldn't expect you to be a reflection of them. If they really cared, all they'd want was your happiness. They wouldn't try to push their own agenda on you. They wouldn't make you bend to their will. They would let you be who you are, Cuddy, because who you are is amazing, and if your mother can't see that, if she can't accept you for who you are, then she is the one who screwed up. She is the one with the problem, and she is the one who should be crying herself to sleep at night because she is missing out on something pretty spectacular. And…" House couldn't finish his speech because Cuddy had thrown herself into his arms and was sobbing uncontrollably.

House stayed silent, holding her for as long as she needed, wanting her to need him for as long as possible. But when she finally pulled away from him, he was okay with it because she looked up at him, her eyes sparkling from the tears and smiled radiantly at him. "You're not as big an asshole as you try to be." She wiped away a lingering tear.

"Yes I am," he said proudly. Then betrayed his words by wiping a left over tear off her other cheek and pulling her head gently onto his shoulder.

He watched the world wiz passed them, as Wilson hummed along to the radio softly. He felt oddly at peace. Maybe being part of a family wasn't so bad after all. He smiled at his reflection and gently rubbed Cuddy's arm.


	9. Back in the Saddle

I just wanted to give a brief thank you to everyone for reading my story. It feels good to be back in the saddle and writing again. I've missed it, and all of your wonderful comments. To the reader who asked about a baby, I don't think that Cuddy will be getting pregnant any time soon, but I have a few ideas milling around in my head that might be interesting. We'll see how they pan out. But first I've got to get these two crazy kids married, and believe you me, that is NOT going to be easy. Our trio might have returned to Princeton, but they've not heard the last of Leila Cuddy.

* * *

**Back in the Saddle**

Cuddy was thankful to be back home. It had been a long and stressful weekend, but now she was back and could focus all her frustrated energy on her hospital. She was ashamed to admit that she was slightly disappointed that nothing had gone wrong while she was away. The idea that the hospital could run smoothly without her, that she could go away and not worry should have been reassuring, but it just made her worry that her hospital didn't need her anymore.

"I'm glad you're back." Nurse Brenda, the stern, heavy handed head of the nursing staff barged into her office about a half hour into the day.

"What? What's wrong?" Cuddy felt a tingle of excitement. This was what she needed to take her mind off her anger.

Brenda frowned. "Nothing. I'm just glad you're back." She handed Cuddy a piece of paper. "I wanted to give you this in person."

Cuddy took the paper and read it over. Her face darkened. "You're resigning?"

"Yes. Max got a job in Seattle, and I have a friend at Seattle Grace who said they're looking for nurses, seems they've got a problem hanging onto quality nurses because of some Casanova surgeon."

"He's no match for you." Cuddy smiled at her colleague. They weren't exactly friends, didn't hang out after work or anything, but Cuddy respected Brenda's abilities, even if it usually seemed that Brenda did not return the respect.

"Yes. Well, like I said, I wanted to tell you in person." Brenda looked uncomfortable. Cuddy had always made her nervous. When she first arrived at PPTH, Brenda dismissed her as one of those pretty young things looking to nab a doctor husband. She wasn't going to last long.

In the years that followed, Cuddy quickly became the go to gal for many of the personnel. She had a way about her. The men didn't really see her as a threat because they were too busy looking at her cleavage and the women where too busy being catty about how low her blouses were. Next thing anyone knew, Cuddy was given the position of Administrator and when the Dean finally stepped down, she was his obvious replacement.

She'd stepped on a lot of toes in the process, and made a lot of enemies, but one thing she never did was apologize for being better at running the hospital than anyone else. Brenda respected that, even if she often questioned Cuddy's actions where Dr. House was concerned.

"Well, thank you, and good luck."

Brenda hesitated. She wasn't sure how receptive her boss would be to advice from a nurse, even if she was head nurse, even if she'd been at the hospital twice as long. "I'd like to recommend Nurse Reed as my replacement." Nurse Reed had been Brenda's closest friend at the hospital.

"I'll keep that in mind." Cuddy had dismissed the idea as soon as Brenda said it. Nurse Reed was a winer. She always had an excuse ready if she was caught messing up or goofing off, and that excuse was usually a lie.

Brenda knew Cuddy was just being polite. She turned and left in a bit of a huff. No point playing nice anymore. Dr. McSlutty and Princeton Plainsboro Incompetence Hospital were her past. It was time to move on to bigger and better things.

House showed up in Cuddy's office seconds later. "What's with Nurse Brenda? Did you give her a raise?" Then his mind went where it usually went. "Or something better?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"She quit."

"Oh." House was not sorry to see her go. Brenda had never liked him. Never. She was the first one to tattle on him whenever he blurred the lines of ethical behavior, and she would have been the one throwing the party if Tritter had managed to get his license revoked.

Cuddy smiled. "Don't plan the party yet. She's not leaving until next week." She shuffled a few papers around as House sat down at the desk. "What are you doing here?" He had his own office.

"Nothing better to do." He shrugged and picked up an important looking document from her desk.

Cuddy snatched it out of his hands, looked at it quickly, then placed it in a folder. She replaced it with another sheet of paper more suitable for him. "No patients?"

House read the heading, 'Subscription Drug Abuse in the Medical Field. License to Fly.' House balled it up and tossed it in the trash. "Nope."

"What are your team doing?" She looked at the balled up paper in the trashcan, shook her head and went back to filing.

"Playing Hangman." House took another paper and was disappointed when Cuddy actually let him read it. That meant it was unimportant.

""Hangman?" And she was paying them for this?

"It's medical hangman. The word is mitochondrial. But Kutner is one leg away from being hung."

"That's just great," she said as ungreatly as possible. "And Wilson?" She took the paper from him and put it into a file in her desk drawer.

"With a patient."

Cuddy made a shocked face that House found both amusing and sexy. Or maybe it was just her he found sexy. "A patient? In a hospital? Wow, a doctor seeing a patient, what a novel approach to medicine."

"Are you being facetious?"

"What do you think?" She stared him down.

"You're not happy unless people are dying all over the place."

"That's not true." They'd had this debate before. House would argue that his lack of patients is a good thing, because it means no one needs his services while Cuddy would argue that he clearly wasn't looking hard enough. "I just get very turned on when you save someone's life."

Damn. She'd got him. He noticed a file she was holding anxiously. "Have you any particular life in mind?"

"Funny you should ask," she handed him the file.

"Yeah, what are the odds." He took it and flipped it open.

"35, pregnant, the baby is killing her but no one can figure out how."

He tossed the file back at her and she caught it just before all the papers went flying out. "I've done this already."

"Do it again." She slid the file over to him.

"Got anything else?" House hated repeats.

"No." She wanted him to take this case. She was always a sucker for pregnant women and babies and all that.

"Fine. What do I get if I save her?"

"The knowledge that you saved a life?" She knew that wasn't the right motivation for House, but she always lived in hope.

He made a loud, obnoxious buzzer sound. "EEEEERTT, try again."

"I'm not bargaining for this woman's life. You're going to take the case because I am telling you to take the case, and I am still your boss and can make your life a living hell."

"Fine, I'll take the case."

House took his file and left. He hobbled his way to the Diagnostics Department, flipping through the file. "Damn, she's good." House smiled as the elevator doors opened up onto his floor.

Melissa Bradford was with her third child. The first two had been textbook pregnancies. This one, however, was eating away at her vital organs. She'd already experienced kidney failure, heart arrhythmia and had developed an allergy to food. She was being fed intravenously, but was even starting to have a reaction to that. As if that weren't enough fun for one person, her heart rate was decreasing incrementally every day. At this rate she would just stop ticking in a matter of weeks. Well, on the bright side, it wasn't urgent.

House watched as a swarm of orderlies and nurses rushed passed him. Being his usual curious self he followed them into a room close to his office. The closest patient room to his office as a matter of fact. By the time he got there he knew exactly who would be inside.

"You must be Melissa Bradford," he said to the woman whose heart was being restarted by none other than Dr. Chase the wonder surgeon.

"What's wrong, Chase, surgery too much for you, thought you'd try your luck as paddle boy?"

"What are you doing here House?" Chase didn't look up, he didn't loose his focus. "Clear!" He gave her another jolt with the defibrillator and watched the monitor closely.

"She's my patient."

"Since when?" Hadley was also there. Hadley had a way of showing up at every trauma in the hospital. House was starting to think she got off on watching people die.

"Since," he checked his watch, "seven minutes ago." Had it really taken him seven minutes to get up here? That was a personal best.

"Then do something." Hadley was frantic. It wasn't watching people die that got her off, it was watching people come back from the brink of death. It was something she didn't think she was going to have a chance to do, when her time came, but she lived in hope that a cure would be discovered in the next year...if she had that long.

House looked at the chart, then at the patient. He zoomed in on different things, her huge stomach; the white crustiness in the corner of her mouth. He opened an eyelid to see the jaundiced whites of her eyes. There really wasn't anything he could do at the moment, so he turned and left.

Hadley hurried off after him. "Aren't you going to do something?"

"Like what?" House asked, walking into the diagnostics team headquarters.

"Save her life. That is what we do isn't it?" She was snotty. When he'd hired her, he hadn't thought she'd be so snotty. Oh well, she was still nice to look at. If only he could find a way to keep her mouth shut.

"Chase has it under control." House knew he was right when he saw the parade of staff pour out of the patient's room. He never should have fired that boy. He was pretty good at his job.

"Yeah, but, that's just a temporary fix."

"That gives us the time to find out what's going on." House was writing the symptoms on the board now that he'd erased the hanging man. He found it mildly amusing that the hangman was holding a cane. "Nice," he commented, alleviating their collective fear.

"We..." Kunter wanted to apologize.

House had finished writing and turned to face them. "None of these symptoms have a common cause. What does that mean?"

They looked at each other, eyeballs flipping two and fro, hoping someone else would answer.

"You!" House pointed to Taub who was in the middle of taking a drink.

Taub sputtered. "I...um...there isn't a common cause."

"Good."

Hadley looked annoyed. "We're supposed to find a combination of things that cause a combination of symptoms? That list could be in the hundreds."

"Well, that's helpful." House turned to the board and began drawing circles around groups of words.

"How do you know those are the right combinations?" Kutner asked curiously. House fascinated him. The way the man's mind worked was just fascinating.

"I don't. But at least I'm doing something, not just sitting around with my mouth hanging open and worrying that I'll make a mistake."

"When we make mistakes, people die," Hadley explained.

House snorted a laugh. If he had a dollar for every time he'd heard that excuse. "Ideas, people. She's not getting any less dead."


	10. Lunch with Lo

It's time to start getting into the weddingy stuff. I've just been online looking for the perfect wedding dress for our darling Cuddy, but she's very particular.

**Addicted1**, thank you. Writing dialog is my favorite part of writing these stories, so it's nice to know I'm doing a good job.

**quaffle64**, and anyone else who's interested, I don't know that there will be much smut in this particular story, but if you need a fix, I've got three stories here on that might satisfy your needs. Check out The Battle (My personal fave), Twice Daily, or the just added The Birthday Gift. I will also try posting some of my older smut. It's always fun to corrupt a whole new audience. ;)

* * *

**Lunch With Lo**

Cuddy slowly plodded through the hundreds of emails that had patiently waited for her long, miserable weekend to be over. She was happy to be back at work. She was looking forward to dealing with disgruntled patients, and incompetent Interns. Anything was better than her mother. But mostly she was looking forward to lunch with her best friend.

Since Lo moved to Princeton a few months ago, they had a running lunch date. Sometimes they would double up with House and Wilson, but today Cuddy wanted it to just be the girl. She loved House dearly and all, but sometimes she just needed to get the hell away from him.

"Nice place." Lo found Cuddy sitting at a table towards the back of a new restaurant. "But why here? Are you hiding?" She sat down and snapped her fingers to summon the waitress. "I'll have a gin and tonic." She watched the waitress huff away to get her drink. "She must be sleeping with the manager because she sure wasn't hired for her personality."

"Lo." Cuddy tried to get her friend to at least keep her voice down if she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

"Lisa," Lo responded facetiously. "How was your weekend?" She smirked as she asked the question, already knowing the answer would be something negative.

"Don't ask."

"Well, if I don't ask, you're never going to tell me, so spill." Lo loved hearing about Lisa's insane family, because it was so much more interesting then her boring one.

"My sister is getting divorced." Cuddy tried to sound sad, and she was, for the kids, but there was a twinkle in her eye.

"Finally." Lo grinned. "So, Danny's available now?" Lo loved me. She loved all kinds of men. Occasionally she loved women, but when it came right down to it, she basically just loved sex.

"Don't you dare!" Cuddy threatened, trying not to laugh. House had made a bet with her that if she told Lo about the divorce her horny little friend would be all over Daniel.

"He's sweet." Lo rarely went for sweet. She thought it might be a nice change.

"What about Wilson?" Not long ago the two friends had hooked up and a lot of double dating incurred.

"What about him?" Lo was over Wilson. That was ages ago; at least a few weeks; maybe even a month.

"He's sweet."

Lo laughed. "He only wants people to think that but he's way too damaged to be sweet."

"Did you break up?"

"We were never together, really." Lo never understood Cuddy's need to have a relationship with every guy she slept with. It seemed so impractical.

"I hope you didn't break his heart."

"Not a chance. That guy has a line of women waiting to be the next Mrs. Dr. Wilson. I'm not even sure he noticed we stopped having sex."

Cuddy knew her friend better than that. "Oh, I'm sure he noticed."

They laughed and gossiped about the many loves of James Wilson while waiting for their food to arrive. Then they gossiped about the many loves of Lorena Osborne, known as Lo to her friends, and House, while they ate.

"He finally stopped phoning, though," Cuddy asked about the man that was stalking Lo a few years ago.

"Yeah, after I changed my number, my email, my job and my address." Lo ordered another drink. "You know, it's not the stalking part I minded so much, but if I'm going to be stalked, why did he have to look like Drew Carey and not Johnny Depp?"

Cuddy laughed. Lo never changed, and Cuddy loved her for it. "I could think of worse things then being stalked by Johnny Depp."

"Especially in that movie where he's that crazy writer, and his hair is all long and falling in his face..."

"Or Captain Jack Sparrow," Cuddy said, somewhat dreamily.

Lo rolled her eyes. "Oh lord! You don't still have that pirate fetish do you?"

"It's not a fetish." Cuddy looked around anxiously to make sure no one heard.

"Does House know about it? Maybe he'd be willing to hack off that bum leg of his and get a peg leg put in."

"Lo!" Cuddy was trying not to laugh. "I don't have a pirate fetish."

"You were the only kid in school who had a crush on Captain Hook."

"He was misunderstood," Cuddy tried defending herself.

"He was a pirate."

Cuddy threw her napkin at her friend. "Well, you've got a fetish for anything with two legs. At least I have standards."

Lo tossed the napkin back. "Standards? You're marrying the world's biggest asshole."

"At least I wasn't being stalked by Drew Carey."

"It wasn't Drew Carey." They both fell into a fit of laughter as the waitress snottily left them fresh drinks. "If she thinks she's getting a tip, she's nuts."

"Lo, she's not that bad." Cuddy was one of those people who just couldn't not tip, no matter how bad the service was. Of course, the tip usually came with a lecture to their manager, but she always tipped.

"I don't like my Asian Chicken Salad with a side of moral distain."

"Moral distain?"

"Lisa, she's a fucking waitress and she looks at us like she thinks she's better than us. She's probably one of those Born Again Christians who feels the need to save everyone from themselves. Well, I don't need saving, thank you very much." Lo had gotten a bit loud toward the end there, and they were getting stared at.

"She wasn't trying to save you Lo. What the hell?"

"Sorry Li. This guy I picked up the other day, I thought we were going to have a wild night, but instead of taking me to his bed he took me to a church. A church!"

"And it didn't burn down as soon as you walked through the doors?"

"Very funny. It was some sort of revival meeting or something." Lo looked like she'd just found poo on the bottom of her shoe. "The only revival I was looking for was the revival of my libido."

"Trust me Lo, your libido does not need to be revived."

"It's been three days Lisa. THREE DAYS! If I don't get laid soon, I think I'll combust."

"I think you're already starting to." Lo had gotten loud again and Cuddy was sinking a bit in her chair. "Why don't we go for a walk."

"Why don't we go for a screw." Lo knew Cuddy would never take her up on it, but she loved to make the offer whenever she got the chance. Her dear friend always turned a strange shade of reddish white, a combination of fear and embarrassment. "I'll wear an eye patch if that will help."

"Shut up!" Cuddy shoved Lo out the door and into the warm spring air.


	11. The Dress

**The Dress**

Instead of going off to screw, they went to a bridal shop. It was time to start looking for the perfect dress.

"Oh, what are we doing here?" Lo groaned. "You tricked me."

"Yes," Cuddy said proudly, opening the door for her friend. "On the plus side, you get to watch me try on dresses."

"And why is that a plus?"

"I'm wearing very skimpy lingerie." Cuddy smiled.

"You tease!" Lo followed Cuddy into the shop.

"Hello Ladies," an over botoxed, over decorated pseudo debutante glided over to them. "And who's the lucky bride?"

Lo quickly pointed to Cuddy, wanting nothing to do with any of this. "I'm just here to watch her get changed."

Cuddy shot her friend a look. "I'm just looking, right now."

The shop girl glanced down at Cuddy's ring. Antique, good quality, all three C's were nicely taken care of. She smelled good taste and a decent amount of money. "Have you given any thought to what style dress you want? We have princess, modern, mermaid, si..."

"Mermaid?" Now Lo had heard everything.

"Yes, it's very fitted in the bodice then flairs out at the bottom..."

"Like bellbottoms?" Lo asked unconvinced that there was any way that was flattering.

"Like a mermaid's tale," the shop girl corrected. "Why don't you have a look around. My name is Yvonne. So if you see anything you'd like to try, just let me know." Yvonne headed back behind her counter and started counting tiara's again.

"You think that's her real name?" Lo flipped through a rack of discount dresses.

"I don't think I care," Cuddy said, walking over to a mannequin. She pulled at the large tulle skirt uncertainly. "I always wanted to get married in a dress like this. I used to call it a ballerina dress." Cuddy had wanted to be a ballerina when she was a child, but Lydia had gotten the dance lessons, so Cuddy got jujitsu lessons instead.

"House would laugh at you as you walked down the aisle." She was not wrong.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not sure it's right for me anymore, anyway." She moved on to a mermaid dress.

Lo hurried over. "Oh, you've got to try that one on."

"Why?" Cuddy didn't like it at all.

"I wanna see what it looks like." Lo checked the sizes, then pulled one off the rack. "Oh, Yvonne, can you put this one in a dressing room for our bride to be?"

Yvonne came over and took the dress.

"She's very helpful, isn't she?" Lo started checking the racks with greater interest. This could be fun.

"That's her job."

Lo pulled a few more hideous dresses and handed them to Yvonne while Cuddy was off looking at a few more serious options. Eventually they met up in the dressing room.

"What the hell is all this?" Cuddy looked at the dozen dresses Lo had picked out.

"Entertainment." Lo smiled. "You dragged me to this temple of doom, now I'm going to make you pay."

Cuddy glared at her friend, but began getting undressed. It wasn't worth arguing.

The first dress she tried on was the one she'd seen on the mannequin. It fell prettily off the shoulders and had a simple, shirred bodice. The tulle skirt was definitely of the princess variety.

Cuddy took one look in the mirror and made a face.

"It's...nice." Lo was trying to be supportive.

"I look like I'm trying to be 25." Cuddy pulled the dress off and put it back on the hanger with disappointment.

Next she tried on one of Lo's picks. They'd decided, for every real dress she tried on, she'd try on one of Lo's joke dresses. It was a mermaid dress, fitted tightly from boobs to knees, then fanning out in a big circle. Cuddy tried to walk in it and though she never had any trouble striding through her hospital in her tight little pencil skirts, the additional material at the bottom of the dress made this one a choir.

"This is a no." Cuddy didn't even bother looking in the mirror. She felt horribly uncomfortable, and she was already going to feel enough of that during the ceremony.

"You look like a salt shaker." Lo agreed it was a no, she just phrased it better.

"Thanks," Cuddy said, slipping out of the dress and throwing it at her friend.

It was time for another of Cuddy's picks. It was a very simple flute dress. On the hanger it had looked elegant in it's simplicity, but on, it looked...blah.

"Is that it?" Lo looked on disapprovingly.

"It's a no?" Cuddy wasn't feeling it, but maybe she was just being too picky.

"It's definitely a no." Lo got up and pulled another dress off her rack, while Cuddy got out of that one. They exchanged dresses and it was time for a good laugh.

Cuddy slid the dress up, cringing as she saw layer after layer of ruffles. "What the hell Lo?" She didn't need to zip up the back. There was no way in hell she was walking down any aisle in this thing.

Lo was laughing as she quickly took a picture on her camera phone. "You look like a stack of cupcake tins."

"Am I going to get one of these witty observations with each of your dresses?" Cuddy was already out of the hideous thing.

"Yep." Lo tried to catch the dress as Cuddy threw it, but she got swallowed up in the lacy ruffles.

"Great." Cuddy looked at herself in the mirror. She was in a beautiful satin sheath dress. It was certainly age suitable, and very elegant looking. Better than her last pick. She turned and looked at Lo.

"It's very pretty." Lo liked it, she just didn't LOVE it.

"Yeah. I'll put it aside." Cuddy sounded very unsure. She was already losing her tolerance for dress trying, and it wasn't the worst dress in the world. It was just so very boring.

"Oh, try this one." Lo handed her a thin bit of lacy material. It was certainly lighter than anything she'd tried on yet. Cuddy realized why when she put it on.

"The middle is missing." She looked down at her barely covered midriff.

"You look hot," Lo kidded.

"I don't want to look hot! Well, not until after the wedding."

Cuddy looked over at the pile of yet to be tried on dresses and groaned. She really needed a drink. "After this let's go get some drinks."

"You don't have to ask me twice." Lo handed her another dress and Cuddy dutifully put it on.

It was another princess type dress, with a big skirt. This one was satin with a light tulle overlay. Much subtler than the last one, and it had a drop waist, which highlighted the figure House loved so much. She liked it.

"You look beautiful," Lo said, when Cuddy looked at her expectantly. She really did look beautiful.

Cuddy pulled at the strapless top again. Something was poking her under the arm. Still, she loved the dress.

"Try this one on." Lo was tugging at the zipper up Cuddy's back.

"You don't like this one?" Cuddy frowned.

"I like it. But you shouldn't settle on the first one you like. Try this one." Lo had been saving the best of the worst for last, and she wasn't letting Cuddy out of the shop until she tried it on.

"What the hell is this thing?" Cuddy held up the yards of swirly fabric in disgust.

"It's a dress."

"This is the last one I'm trying on." Cuddy put it on. It was horrible. Miles of skirt surrounded her covered in strange, giant ribbons twisted around like roses. It had huge puffy sleeves that came up to her ears and a cloying sweetheart neckline that reminded her of every bad wedding dress in every romantic comedy she'd ever seen. "My mother'd probably love this one.

Lo laughed. "I'll take a picture for her." She clicked her camera quickly before Cuddy could get out of the monstrosity. "She can Photoshop in the guy of her choice."

Both women laughed. "Let's get out of here." Cuddy was about to put her street clothes back on.

"One more, since we're here."

"I'm not putting on another of your crazy dresses, Lo."

"No, here, one of yours." She sifted through the remaining dresses. "This one."

The dress was a subtle lavender color. Not quite white, but definitely not purple. In the right light it would probably look almost silver. It had straps covered in roses that fell off the shoulder, and a tight fitting, shirred bodice that crisscrossed over Cuddy's breasts. The waist dropped down to an A-line skirt that had a gentle upsweep that was fastened to her hip with three more little satin roses. The overall effect was that of a very elegant princess.

Cuddy smoothed out the skirt then turned to look in the mirror. She burst into tears.

Lo rushed over and gave her a hug. "This is the one, isn't it?" She looked at her friend in the mirror. Cuddy looked stunning. The weariness she'd shown while trying on the last few dresses was replaced by a sort of glow.

Cuddy nodded. It was finally real. Wearing this dress made the whole thing seem real. She was getting married. It had taken her 41 years, but she was finally getting married. She had found her perfect man, and now she was wearing her perfect dress, and she couldn't believe it was all real, but for the first time she knew, she knew it was, and this was going to happen, she had found her happily ever after.


	12. Girl Talk

Things are going to start getting weddingy now, so thank you for your patience. :) I got inspired this morning, so you're getting three new chapters. Hope you like.

* * *

**Girl Talk**

Cuddy sat at her desk, staring intently at something on her computer screen when Wilson walked in.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry, for last weekend."

"It wasn't your fault." Cuddy looked up distractedly. She wasn't really paying attention.

"I gave him the idea to drive up there." Wilson was too nervous to sit. Cuddy's office reminded him of his elementary school principals office. It was better decorated, but the feeling of foreboding he felt when entering was exactly the same.

"I knew it wasn't his idea." She half laughed, then swung the monitor to face him. "What do you think of these?" On the screen were three different floral arrangements.

"I...uh..."

"I would ask Lo, but you have better taste in these things." She looked so hopeful that he didn't have the heart to turn her down.

Wilson leaned in and carefully inspected each bouquet. "This one has too much color. It'll distract from you and the bridesmaids." He looked carefully at the next one. "This one seems a little...I don't know. It's not you."

"It isn't my favorite." Cuddy agreed.

"Now, I do like this one." Wilson took control of her mouse and clicked on a photograph. "It's really elegant."

"I'm not sure about the red roses though." Cuddy hadn't planned on having red in the wedding.

"I'm sure you could switch them out for a different color. What color will the bridesmaid's dresses be? And our Tuxes, we're wearing tuxes I'm assuming."

"I hope so." That kind of depended on House though. If he refused to wear one, then it would look kind of silly for his best man and ushers to wear them. "Ask him to."

"Why don't you ask him?" Wilson didn't want to ask House something like that.

"Because he won't listen to me." Cuddy had already asked House and he had laughed at her. "He wants to wear a biker jacket and black jeans."

"Well, I'll take care of that." There was no way Wilson was going to let his best friend get married in something like that. If he had to drug House and steal all his clothes to get him to wear the tux, he would.

"Thank you." She turned her attention back to the flowers. "You don't think these are too much?"

"No. I think they're just right. "Wilson looked at her desk. It was a mess, which was unusual for Cuddy. She was always so organized and together. "Have you thought about getting a wedding planner, just to help you out with this kind of stuff? It's a lot of work planning a wedding."

"I know." Cuddy looked around her, embarrassed. "I haven't had a chance to get organized since our trip."

"You should consider a wedding planner. My aunt is a wedding planner. She specializes in Jewish traditional ceremonies, but she's very open to adjusting them to fit mixed marriages."

"My mother would be pleased if I had a traditional ceremony."

Wilson hesitated to ask. "How is she? Have you heard anything since," he couldn't say it.

"She's not happy. I can hear it in her voice. But she's acting like this wedding is all she's living for. She's decided to paint Daniel as some sort of abusive husband who drove Lydia to cheat. I think she missed to part where Lydia was cheating before they were even married."

"Mothers are like that." Wilson thought of his own mother, who refused to believe her son Peter was gone. To hear her tell it, he was taking some time off to deal with his 'issues' and he'd be back as soon as he was feeling better. She still contended that his cocaine was for his migraines.

"I think she only blames House because she wants to blame him."

"I've been there before." He used to blame his father for his brother's running away. Now he knew better. His father had been a hard working man who was dealing with his drug abusing son the only way he knew how, which was the wrong way, but he didn't know the right one.

"Lydia is getting a divorce, and I think she's secretly thrilled. She'd never admit it to Mother, but she's wanted out of that marriage for years."

"What about Daniel?" Wilson loved gossip. He couldn't help himself.

"By Tuesday he wanted to go to couples counseling. He's not taking it well."

"But it's for the best. If she doesn't love him..."

"Yeah, but try telling him that."

"I think I'll pass."

"Thought so." Cuddy looked back at the monitor. "I've always liked orchids."

"Did you pick out your dress yet?" Wilson was glad House wasn't around to hear him talking about dresses and flower arrangements. He was sure he would never hear the end of it.

"Yes. Oh, Wilson, it's beautiful. I can't wait to wear it down the aisle." Cuddy's voice filled with excitement.

"Do you have a picture?" Wilson was almost as excited as Cuddy.

"Yes, they took one at the bridal shop." Cuddy dug in her briefcase and pulled out a folder. It contained all her wedding documents. She pulled out a sheet of copy paper with a color print out of her in the dress.

Wilson looked at it in awe. She looked beautiful, even with her hair down and her every day makeup. The dress was a beautiful pearl champagne color, almost rose, almost violet, but not quite either.

"Do you think House will like it?" She felt like such a girl just then, but she couldn't help it.

"I think he'll love it." House had a great appreciation for the female form, one that Wilson shared with him, and this dress showed off her female form to perfection.

"He won't think it's too frilly?"

"It's not frilly." The only 'frills' to be seen were some rosettes on the sleeves and three small ones holding up one side of the top skirt. "It's feminine."

Cuddy laughed appreciatively. "Thank you Wilson."

"Now, do you want me to give Franny a call?"

Cuddy was confused. "Who's Franny?"

"The wedding planner. My uncle's wife..."

"Oh, right, yeah, fine. I guess it couldn't hurt." She wasn't too sure about it, being the control freak she was, but she looked at the pile of paperwork slowly taking over her desk and figured it couldn't hurt.


	13. The Wedding Planner

**The Wedding Planner**

Fran Fuchs was not at all what Cuddy had envisioned. She was an older woman, well coiffed, and pocket sized. The size 0, four foot seven whirlwind bounded into Cuddy's office amid a cloud of Chanel No. 5 and cigarette smoke. "Hello darling, you must be the beautiful bride." Fran took Cuddy's hands and gave her a kiss on each cheek. Cuddy didn't know it yet, but she now had Victory Red lipstick marks on her cheeks. "Little Jimmy has told me all about you."

Little Jimmy? "He said you'd be stopping by. Unfortunately, I don't have much time, so we'll have to make this quick." She was lying. The stench of stale cigarettes and old perfume was going to give her a headache if the woman stayed in her office too long.

"Well, then, let's get right to it." Fran threw down her huge floral bag and started digging in it. The image of the tiny woman with the huge bag made Cuddy chuckle as she imagined Fran curling up and sleeping in the bag at night.

"Yes. I'm afraid I haven't given much thought to..."

"Nonsense! I've been doing this a long time, and if there's one thing I know, it's that a woman knows more than she things about her perfect day. As soon as we get going, you'll realize that you've had this day pictured in your head for years."

Cuddy was highly doubtful. She was far from the girl she was when she was playing with her Barbie dolls and planning their perfect weddings.

"Jimmy said you'd picked out a dress. Can I see it?" Fran held out a skeletal hand with perfect nail polish, the exact same shade as the lipstick she'd marked Cuddy with. Cuddy handed over the picture reticently. "Oh, it's lovely. Just lovely. And what an unusual shade." Fran looked at Cuddy thoughtfully for a moment. "Yes, best not to go for white."

Cuddy suddenly had the urge to get a white dress. The whitest dress she could find. But she loved her dress, so she let the urge pass over her. "I just fell in love with it as soon as I put it on."

"Yes, yes, that's what happens." Fran was pulling together several different swatches and photographs and samples. Then, within minutes, she presented Cuddy with her wedding. "I'm thinking this is just what you're looking for. Am I right?" She asked it with the assumption that she was always right.

"It's a bit, over done. I was thinking of something more simple." And a whole lot less grandma's doily.

"Ah, simple. Classic." Fran started rearranging things then presented once more.

Cuddy made a face. "Not that stark."

"Too stark." Fran sighed. This one was going to be a handful.

Cuddy looked at her watch, then at the wall clock, just to confirm that it had only been an agonizing ten minutes. She noticed someone standing in the doorway. He tried to hide behind the thin strip of wood that made up her doorframe, but he was far too big, and his cane was sticking out.

"Would you like to meet the groom?" Cuddy got up before the woman could answer. This was going to be fun.

"Oh, hi, I was just passing by..."

"You're just the man I wanted to see." She grabbed his arm so he couldn't run.

"I am?" House looked through the glass door and noticed the bizarre little woman. "I didn't do it."

"What?" Cuddy was pulling him over to the couch.

"Whatever she said I did. It wasn't me."

"She's not a patient House." Cuddy tipped her head coyly. "She's the wedding planner." She bit her lip to stop from laughing.

"The what?" House looked like a trapped animal. Cuddy was still holding his arm, actually she's laced hers into his, so pulling away would be quite difficult.

"Mrs. Fuchs, this is Dr. Gregory House, my fiancé." Cuddy was all sugar and sweetness, and House finally figured out what trait she'd gotten from her mother.

"Hello Dr. House. It is a pleasure. Can I call you Gregory? I find it's much more personal when I use my clients first names, and after all, what is more personal than your wedding day?"

"You're wedding night?" House asked, hoping he was right and would get the prize of getting the hell out of there.

Cuddy smirked and sat him down. She planted herself right next to him, so close that their thighs brushed together. She could feel his muscles twitching to escape. She tightened her grip on his arm.

"Fran was just showing me her ideas. Why don't you have a look." Cuddy smiled triumphantly at him. She loved the look of frustrated scheming in his eyes.

"Oh, it is nice when the groom takes an interest in the wedding plans. So often it's all left to the bride, but I always say, this isn't just her day. It's a day the two of you will remember forever. Might as well both get what you want. Am I right?" Again, she already knew she was right.

"The groom gets what he wants on the honeymoon." House squeezed Cuddy's knee playfully. He looked at a slightly horrified old woman. "You know I'm right."

"I don't know any such thing." Fran started fussing with her supplies again. "You're looking for something romantic, are you not?" She was talking to Cuddy, trying to pretend House wasn't there. This only made House happier to be there.

"Oh, this is nice," House said, pulling out a horrible chintz swatch. "Don't you just love this darling?" He challenged Cuddy.

"No." Cuddy pulled it out of his hand and put it down. "I'd rather stay away from florals, other than the bouquets and a small arrangement on each table."

"Boring!" House snored.

"I think you and I are on the same wavelength Gregory." Fran was getting excited. She started pulling out more florals and dusty rose taffeta and some horrible country stripped thing. "I'm thinking romantic country side, sweeping fields,"

"Cow patties." House finished for her.

Fran's horrified expression turned into an uneasy laugh when she decided he was joking. "Oh, Gregory, you are a funny one." She turned serious again, letting him know he wasn't as funny as he thought he was.

"That's why she's marrying me." He squeezed Cuddy tightly. "I always make her laugh."

"Yeah, every time you take off your boxers," Cuddy whispered.

"What? What was that? You want me to take off my boxers? Right here? But we've got a guest." House pretended he was going to undo his pants. "But if that's what you're into..."

"That's not what I said House."

It didn't matter. Fran had heard enough. She was doing this as a favor for her husband, but she didn't need the work. She was one of the most sought after wedding planners in Princeton. They should have been grateful. It was no wonder they didn't visit the Wilson's more often. If these were the kind of people they associated with. "I really have to get going. I've got another appointment downtown I really must get to."

"Oh, don't let us keep you." House was the first to stand up.

"I'm really quite busy at the moment." Fran wanted to put this as politely as possible.

"Don't call us, and we won't call you," House said with a smile, extending his hand to her.

"Well, that was fun," he said after shutting the door behind her.

"It's not a bad idea though." Cuddy was nestled in his arms.

"What?"

"A wedding planner."

"I don't want anything to do with it," House declared.

"I know. Why do you think I need the help?"

"You're not going to call Fran back are you?"

"Oh god no." She laughed.

"Then I'm okay with it." He gave her a little kiss then went back to work. His patients test results should be back by now.


	14. Afternoon Tea, House Style

**Afternoon Tea, House Style**

Wilson popped his head into House's office. "Wanna get a drink after work?"

House looked at the clock. It was just about three. "Why wait?" He got up, grabbed his coat and headed out the door. Wilson shrugged and followed him.

"I met your cousin today."

Wilson looked over at his friend curiously.

"Fran?" House motioned for Wilson to take a left at the light.

"Oh, how'd it go?" Gullible as ever, Wilson eagerly awaited the report.

"You will pay. I won't say how, and I won't say when, but someday, somehow, you will suffer." House was half smiling as he said it. He loved owing Wilson some form of torture.

"That bad?" Wilson really had thought this was going to be a great match.

"What were you thinking? That woman was trying to convince Cuddy to turn the reception into a cotillion."

"Do you even know what a cotillion is?" Wilson was certain House had never been to one.

"A tacky display of southern wealth that was antiquated when it started and is now just a bad joke."

"And you don't want your wedding to be like that?" Wilson teased.

"If it were up to me my wedding would be a trip to the courthouse followed by a long honeymoon, clothing prohibited."

"Well, it's not up to you House." Wilson pulled into a parking spot.

"Clearly."

Buster and Sadie's was pretty empty. Happy hour was still a few hours away, and the lunch crowd had thinned out significantly. They were shown a table right away, which was good. House wasn't really in the mood to make a scene right now.

"What if it were up to you? Really?" Wilson figured it wouldn't hurt to try to do a little recon for Cuddy. "I don't mean a justice of the peace or anything like that, but if you were putting together a proper wedding, what would you want?"

"Did Cuddy ask you to ask me that?" House ordered his usual.

"Yeah, she slipped me a note during study hall."

"I don't want a wedding."

"Okay, but putting aside your miserable, miserly proclivity. What would you like at your wedding." Wilson snickered. The idea of House getting married just tickled him in places he hadn't been tickled in far too long.

House decided to give it some thought. "Open bar, day old pizza, strippers, a donkey..."

"I'm talking about the wedding House, not the bachelor party."

House grinned. He'd forgotten all about the bachelor party. "When's that?"

"When's what?" Wilson choked on a pretzel.

"The bachelor party." House took the pretzel bowl away from his friend.

"How should I know?" Wilson reached out for another pretzel but House pulled the bowl out of his reach.

"You're going to ruin your dinner." House popped a pretzel in his mouth, then spit it into his empty glass. It was stale.

"You're going to ruin my appetite." Wilson looked disgustedly at the half eaten pretzel getting drunk of whiskey and melting ice cubes.

"So, bachelor party?" House had a one track mind, and that track was loaded with strippers and booze.

"You haven't even told me who's in the wedding. I don't know who to invite."

"You...me...a couple hot strippers who aren't adverse to lesbian experimentation..."

"House!" Wilson looked around them. The closest tables were empty, fortunately. "Aren't there going to be any ushers? Are you going to ask Chase or Foreman or the new guys to..."

"You've got to be kidding?"

"Well, you don't have any friends, so..."

"Well, Daniel is...was going to be an usher. Not sure now. And some of Cuddy's cousins, or an uncle or something. I don't know."

"You're supposed to pick your ushers. It's the one thing the groom has absolute control over."

"And yet, you only had me as best man once?" House tried to make Wilson feel bad.

"Because you turned me down the other two times."

"Well, you could have begged." House summoned the waitress. "Thing of hot wings please. And they should be comped, because the pretzels you gave us were inedible." She didn't look like she was buying it. "I'm a doctor, and I might have to make it my responsibility to report such potentially dangerous fare to the association of restaurants." He wondered if there was such an association.

"I can bring you a new bowl of pretzels." She seemed new, and unsure of herself. House could smell the blood.

"Another bowl of pretzels? You mean another bowl of salmonella?"

"You can't..." Wilson was shut up by a cane crashing hard on his foot. "Ouch!"

"Hot wings, or I will be writing a very perturbed letter to your manager," he leaned in to pretend to read her nametag while instead checking out her young breasts. "Melissa. Now, you don't want me to do that do you? Not in your first week."

"How did you know?" She was naively impressed.

House leaned even closer. "I'm not supposed to tell you this," he looked around conspiratorially, "but I was hired to come here and assess quality assurance. Your manager thinks you have great potential, but he wanted to see how you handled customer complaints."

"Oh." She really was as naive as her breast size implied. House smiled.

"So, do you really think giving me another bowl of the very thing I'm complaining about is such a good idea? Or should you try to make me happy by giving me an upgrade, thereby ensuring that I stay in the restaurant a little longer, and buy a few more of your overpriced drinks?"

Melissa smiled nervously as she looked around to see who was watching. "I'll get you those hot wings. Can I refill your drinks while I'm at it?"

"Please do." House leaned back and watched her leave in her short little skirt. He liked Melissa. She was one of the best waitresses he'd ever seen. Too bad for her that it was going to be her career. He couldn't think of many worse jobs to have.

"I can't believe you pulled that off." Wilson was more than happy to share in the spoils, as he loaded a napkin with hot wings.

"You should have more faith in me."

"When do you want to go tux shopping?" Wilson spoke with his mouth full and rimmed with barbeque sauce.

"Two weeks after my rotting corpse has been completely devoured by worms."

"Why two weeks?"

"That's arbitrary. We can make it three if you prefer."

"You have to wear a tux House."

"Is that in the Constitution?"

"Yeah." Wilson tried the blind bluff. It didn't work.

"Then I'm immigrating." House pulled apart another wing and started sucking on the bone.

"No country would take you."

"Did she tell you to get me into a tux?"

Wilson was slightly offended. "Cuddy doesn't tell me what to do."

"Sure she does."

"Only at work." She was his boss after all.

"You're her little minion. I bet you bow down to an alter for her every morning."

"I am not her minion!"

"She makes you do all her dirty work."

"She does not!" Wilson was going to loose this battle, he already knew that, but he wasn't going down without a fight.

"Then you're the one who wants me in a tux? Is this some gay thing, where you just want to see me get changed? You perv!"

"I'm not a perv! I don't want to..oh, forget it House."

Yes! It had worked, again. Wilson was the easiest person to divert. "I want high quality strippers at my bachelor party. Not those cheap ones that jump out of cakes.

"High quality, got it." Wilson was a beaten man.

"Think Dita von Teese." House was, and it was causing quite the stir. "Oh, you don't think you could get her do you?"

"If I could get Dita von Teese, I sure as hell wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."

They laughed and debated which of the striptease artist's assets were greatest. House was torn between breasts and ass, as usual, but Wilson was a full on breast guy who went into great detail about the ideal size and shape for any given activity. It was a very in-depth conversation that took them well past five o'clock. They made it back to the hospital just in time to leave.


	15. A Darling Wedding

**A Darling Wedding**

The next wedding planner faired slightly better than Fran Fuchs had. This one actually managed to get the job.

Denise Darling, her real name, so she said every time she introduced herself to someone new, had sat and listened intently to all of Cuddy's ideas. She was also lucky enough to avoid meeting the groom, though she was more than willing to speak with him if he was interested.

"That won't be necessary." Cuddy didn't want to have to look for another wedding planner. Denise seemed competent enough, if not a little over anxious. She was young, clearly fresh out of college, but had a passion for weddings, so she confessed on their first meeting.

Cuddy had looked at some pictures of her previous work and hired her. When House asked that night how the meeting had gone she changed the subject. Maybe if he didn't know about the wedding planner he couldn't chase the wedding planner away. She had a sneaking suspicion he didn't like the idea of someone else planning his wedding, though he was far from willing to do it himself.

"Dr. Cuddy, Miss Darling is here to see you." Cuddy's temporary assistant called over from her desk. Cuddy made a note to talk to the temp agency about a replacement, then got up and greated her guest.

"Hi Denise, come in." She showed her to the coffee table and offered her a glass of water. "Nancy, please get Miss Darling a glass of water." Keith might have forgotten a message here and there, but at least he got off his lazy ass to get guests a drink of water. Cuddy wondered what they were teaching kids in business school these days.

"I've been giving your ideas a lot of thought, and I'm really excited about what we can do." Denise carefully removed a 3-D mock up of the non-secular chapel she used for all of her mixed marriages. And a separate diorama for the reception. "I think that the theme should carry over from one venue to the next..."

"What's that?" Cuddy furrowed her brow at the tiny chapel.

"Don't worry. They cater to mixed religion marriages..."

"I'm not worried." Cuddy smiled sweetly. "We're not having the ceremony there." House's one demand, so far, was that he didn't want the wedding in anything even remotely similar to a church. He unhelpfully had no alternatives, he left that up to her, but he would not be getting married in this pseudo churchagogue.

"Oh." Denise Darling was taken aback. Couples usually loved this place. "But there it's not..."

"I said no." Cuddy was firm when she needed to be, and when she was, very few people could stand up to her. Actually, that might be the only thing House and her mother had in common. She made a note not to mention that to House.

"Well, I suppose we could find a suitable room..."

"What about Skyands Manor?"

"What?" Denise Darling pulled herself out of her little pout.

"I always loved the gardens there." Cuddy was lost in her own fantasy now.

"Do you want to go that far?"

House wouldn't until she told him they'd be spending the night before the wedding in a hotel room together. "Yes. See what you can do." Cuddy was out of time. She had to get ready for a court appearance for a completely ridiculous malpractice case brought against the hospital. She didn't expect it to take long, and wasn't very worried about it, but she did want to be prepared and wanted to look over the case one last time.

"Great. I will work on Skylands Manor and get back to you in a couple days."

"Thank you." Cuddy shook her hand and sent her on her way.

House was waiting around the corner when Cuddy left for court. He would know the click of her heels anywhere, and waited until the faint sound of them died off before turning the corner and looking around the busy hall. The clinic was bustling to one side while Cuddy's office lay quiet to the right. He waited, pretending to read a chart.

Like clockwork, Cuddy's assistant got up and left. Every time Cuddy went somewhere for a known length of time, her assistant would vanish. House suspected the girl was sneaking into the drug supply, but he didn't bother saying anything. It certainly wasn't his job to keep dibs on the hired help.

House took one last look around, then stealthily hurried into Cuddy's office, shutting the blinds and locking the door as soon as he was safe inside.

Whoever she had met with this morning, it wasn't a patient. It was some chick named Denise Darling. Clearly an alias. Was Cuddy a lesbian? Maybe Denise was her darling lesbian lover. House shook his head. "Focus, idiot," he told himself.

House fumbled through the papers on her desk. Nothing even remotely interesting was uncovered. He hacked into her computer, which wasn't difficult, as she never changed her password, and didn't find much of interest.

"Wait a minute!" House found an email from . "She's a wedding planner." House slowly smiled. This was going to be fun. He wrote down the contact information and hurried out of the office.

"Hey Wilson!" He found his friend in the men's room and waited for him by the sinks as Wilson shook off then went and washed his hands.

"Are you stalking me now?" Wilson asked, pushing House away from the hand dryer.

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah, nothing makes me happier than having an unstable lunatic following my every move."

"Well then, prepare yourself to be overjoyed."

Wilson gave him the international look of 'huh?'.

"I'm taking you on a date."

"Dinner and a movie?" They were walking down the hall and stopped into Wilson's office to get his coat and keys.

"Would you settle for a burrito to go and a wedding planner?"

Wilson's face sunk. Not only had he had a burrito for lunch yesterday, but he also wasn't thrilled about harassing Cuddy's new wedding planner. "Why?"

"Because I'm in the mood for a burrito."

Wilson shook his head. "Why are we going to the wedding planer? And how do you know where she is?"

"How do you know she's a she?" Wilson didn't know about this Darling chick, did he?

"Aren't they all women?" Wilson tried to cover his tracks. He'd been helping Cuddy with the wedding for weeks.

"Sexist!"

Wilson felt a laugh burst out of him. "You're calling me a sexist?"

"Yep." The irony was lost on House. "Here's the address. You're driving."

"No, really?" Wilson always drove. If House was in a bitchy mood, he usually sat in the back seat and treated his friend like his chauffer, but today he was apparently in a good mood as he opened up the passenger door and slid into the front seat.

They went to see Denise Darling of Darling Weddings first. House was dangling the burrito over Wilson's head as incentive.

"You know I had a burrito yesterday." Wilson was refusing to go into the small storefront office of Darling Weddings. If House wanted to make a fool of himself, he could do that without any help from Wilson.

"Jerk chicken?" House had wanted a burrito, but he was nothing if not flexible.

Wilson got out of the car as if it had just caught on fire. He hadn't had jerk chicken in weeks. There was a place nearby, a tiny, dingy little joint that made the best jerk chicken this side of the Mason/Dixon line, wherever that was. "Mama Leo's?"

"You know it." House smiled. He sometimes wished he was gay, because Wilson would make the best wife ever. He was just so unbelievably easy.

Denise Darling was just finishing up with a client when the two men walked in.

"Can I help you?" She had sent the happy couple on their way and turned her attention to the two attractive looking older men poking around her shop.

"Yes. I'm Dick Darlington." He'd heard the name on some randy Britcom once, and had always wanted to use it.

"Darlington?" She giggled. "I'm Denise Darling. Isn't that a coincidence?"

"Yes, it totally is." House giggled.

"And you're name?" She turned to Wilson.

"This is my huggy bear, Achmed." House squeezed Wilson lovingly.

"Achmed," Denise looked at Wilson again. "Nice to meet you, Achmed."

"Yeah," Wilson said, still reeling over his new name.

"Oh, why have you come?" She forgot for a moment that she was at work. Wilson looked at House, hoping he wasn't about to say what he thought he was about to say.

"We're hoping you can help us with our wedding." House grinned. This was more fun that he thought it would be. "Now, I must admit upfront that it's not going to be a conventional wedding." He turned and batted his eyes at Achmed, formerly known as Dr. James Wilson.

"Yes, yes of course." Denise was not yet at the point where she would turn clients away. Besides, they seemed like a nice couple. "How did you hear about me?" She had just started a new advertising campaign and wondered if it was working.

"Oh, a friend of ours, Dr. Lisa Cuddy recommended you." House gushed.

"Did she?" It was unusual to get recommendations before the wedding even happened, but she wasn't going to get picky about it. "That's wonderful."

"Yeah, Lisa said she's very happy with what you've done for her so far, and that we should check it out."

Wilson was amazed at House's subtlety. There was no way...

"I'm actually in the middle of redesigning it, but you can check out what I've done so far." She was eager to show off her work, and too young to worry about client privacy so she pulled out the Cuddy file and spread some drawings across her presentation table.

"What's this?" House looked at a picture of the chapel.

"That is one of the changes I need to make. She didn't like the chapel for some reason. But not to worry. You'll find I'm very flexible..."

"I bet," House mumbled to Wilson.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. Go on. You're very flexible?"

"Yes. My goal is to give you the wedding of your dreams, no matter how outrageous or unconventional," she looked pointedly at the boys, "those dreams may be."

"Sounds like just what we're looking for." House turned to Wilson. "Don't you think so honey?"

"Yeah," Wilson said, worried House might try to kiss him and trying to back away, just in case.

"Great!" Denise was thrilled. Business was booming.

House looked through the designs and couldn't really find anything wrong with them. Denise went over the changes she was making with him, and even those sounded nice enough. But why did she have to be so damned perky?

"So, what are you looking for, for your wedding?" They were on the hook, time to reel them in.

"Oh, us?" House acted bashful. "I leave all that up to Achmed."

Wilson stared into Denise's deep brown eyes. She seemed sweet. There was no denying she was a pretty girl.

"Achmed?" House nudged him. "Why don't you tell Denise what we're looking for?"

Because we're not a couple, Wilson thought at House. "Something simple?"

"Understated?" Denise searched for clarification.

"Yes. Definitely understated. So far under it's barely a country."

Denise frowned with confusion.

"Bad joke." Wilson laughed nervously. She was adorable when she was confused.

House was no idiot, and his horndar was 100 accurate where Wilson was concerned. "We really should get going, but can we get your card?"

"Of course." Denise decided to let them go. They'd be back. She could tell.

"Thank you." House shook her hand.

"Thank you for coming in, Mr. Darlington." She moved on to Wilson. "Mr...I don't know your last name."

"Cuddy." House said quickly.

"Oh." Denise was again confused, and looking adorably so.

"Lisa's ex." House explained, digging deeper into the outrageous lie. "I kinda stole him away from her." He smiled proudly. "She doesn't like to talk about it, so I wouldn't bring it up if I were you."

"And you're all friends now? That's really nice."

"Well, she found that House guy, so all's well that ends well."

"Yes she seems very much in love." Denise looked over at Wilson. "Um..."

"It's okay. He's over it." House was holding Wilson's hand.

"I can see that." Denise smiled and showed the men out.

"What the hell was that?" Wilson asked as they headed to Mama Leo's.

"Recon."

"Recon?" Wilson rolled his eyes. "Are you an international spy now?"

"Just call me 007."

"More like 666."

"You're so funny, Achmed."

"Where did that come from?"

"First thing that popped into my head."

"Now she's going to think that's my name."

"So?" House waited for what he knew was coming.

"I can't ask her out."

"Sure you can."

"She thinks I'm Achmed, Dick Darlington's gay lover."

"Chicks dig gay guys. They think they can convert them, which, in this case, she can." House's eyes twinkled. There was something he enjoyed about pimping out his best friend. It was a vicarious thing.

"She can't convert me. I'm not gay!" Wilson realized he'd said that too loudly, but they were alone in the car, so it was okay.

However, moments later they pulled into a parking spot in front of Mama Leo's and got out.

"So, you gonna ask her out?" They'd placed their order and were waiting at the counter for their number to be called. House was impatiently tapping his cane, making sure everyone was aware that he was crippled. It tended to give him more personal space in a crowded room.

"No."

"Is Achmed going to ask her out?" House winked.

"Achmed doesn't exist, except in your twisted mind."

"Then can I ask her out? She was cute."

"You're getting married House."

"I'm not dead yet." House pretended to catch the slip he'd intentionally made. "I mean, married. I'm not married yet."

Wilson looked at his little slip of paper. "That's our number. Wait here." He went off and got them their jerk chicken then they headed back to the car to eat it.


	16. The Truth About Loson

Sorry for the delay. been experiencing a bit of writers block (and a Phantom Hourglass obsession) but I should be back to making regular updates now.

* * *

**The Truth About Loson**

Wilson spilled the contents of the brown bag out on the break room table. House had it on good authority, his soon to be wife, that the entire Gyno staff were in an all day seminar so he snuck into their far too good for them break room and made himself at home.

House dug around in the fridge in search of refreshments. "Do you think…" he looked at the label taped to the bottle, "Sid Talbot would mind if I borrowed his Pepsi?"

"Borrowed? As in you're going to give it back?" Wilson didn't bother answering House's question since it was quite obvious to him that someone who would take the time to label ever can of soda in a six pack would most definitely mind if someone borrowed one.

"Yep." House had popped open the can and taken a nice long swig. He ripped off Sid's name tag and put it back in the fridge then sat down with his can of Pepsi. "Well, the part with his name on it anyway." He smiled at his own genius.

"You're a despicable human being House." Wilson couldn't believe his friends gall. He wished he could get away with half the shit House pulled, but every time he tried something like that, he got caught. He sighed and dug into his meal.

"I know." House spoke with his mouth full. "Cuddy's nuts to marry me. As her friend, you should try to talk her out of it."

"You want me to talk her out of marrying you?" Wilson was getting nervous.

"Yeah, do it. I want to see if she still listens to you." House was still wounded by Wilson and Cuddy's past conspiracies against him. Cuddy was normally a pretty reasonable, intelligent woman, but her greatest flaw was this bizarre need to follow along in Wilson's harebrained schemes to make House a happier person.

"I'm not doing it House." Wilson couldn't tell if his friend was serious or not.

"Chicken," House snided.

"Jerk," Wilson replied.

They both ate with smirks on their faces. House's smirk was a little odd, like he was thinking about something, and Wilson watched him carefully, waiting for whatever shoe House was carrying to drop.

"What are you doing after work?" House was staring down at his jerk chicken remains. He slid his plate of bones onto Wilson's and leaned back on the sofa.

"I don't know, what am I doing?" Wilson gathered their trash and walked it over to the trashcan.

"Meet me in the parking lot at five." House left.

Wilson made sure the room was neat and tidy, left a dollar on the fridge to replace Dr. Talbot's soda and headed to Cuddy's office.

"Oh, Dr. Wilson." Cuddy looked up from her paperwork. "Can I help you?"

"House wants strippers, for his bachelor party," Wilson was blushing, "and I just wanted…"

Cuddy took a deep breath and let out a little laugh. "House can have anything he wants for his bachelor party; just make sure he doesn't catch anything."

Wilson snickered. "He also wants to go somewhere after work…"

"I'm not his keeper." Cuddy wondered why Wilson was bothering her with all this.

"I think he might want to go look at tuxedos." Wilson wasn't sure. He just had a feeling.

"Good." Cuddy smiled. "Nothing too gaudy." Cuddy wouldn't put it past House to make a joke out of the whole wedding. "No powder blue suit, or ruffled shirt. Oh, and don't let him get one of those tee shirts with a tuxedo drawn on it." She cringed at the thought.

"Am I allowed to shoot him if I have to?"

"If you have to." Sometimes Cuddy thought House could use a good shot to the head, but then she remembered that time he was shot, and she felt incredibly guilty joking about it.

"Did you pick out bridesmaids dresses yet?" Wilson would never admit it to House, but he was really getting into this wedding stuff. He'd never really had much input into his own. His first mother-in-law insisted on controlling everything about that wedding. His second wedding was a town hall type affair and his third, well, Julie wanted the best of everything, and that did not include anything Wilson suggested.

"I just barely figured out what I'm wearing."

"Yes, that dress is beautiful. But the color is gonna be tricky." Wilson pulled a bridal magazine off her desk and started flipping through it.

"Wilson?" Cuddy studied him carefully.

"Yeah?" He put the magazine on his lap and looked up at her.

"You're alright with Lo being maid of honor, right?" Cuddy hoped he was okay with it, because there was no way she was walking down the aisle without Lo, and there was no way House would be waiting for her at the other end without Wilson.

Apparently, Wilson had made the big Lo no-no and asked where their relationship was heading. Lo told him she didn't know where the relationship was heading, but she was heading out the door.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Wilson's casual demeanor was painfully forced. He really thought Lo was the one…well, the next one. They were really getting along, and the sex was fantastic, and she was just so smart and funny and beautiful and…

"She told me what happened." It had taken some prying, and tearing holes in Lo's cover story, but Cuddy had finally gotten to the truth. Lo claimed she was lying to protect Wilson's ego, but Cuddy wondered if there wasn't another reason.

Wilson turned a strange color of pale green. "Oh." After Lo left, he sent her flowers, like immediately after. She'd barely shut the door when he was on the phone with his favorite florist picking out the arrangement and dictating a card.

"It was just a misunderstanding, that's all." Wilson wanted to crawl into a hole and die now. It was really not a good idea to date your boss's best friend.

The flowers being such a hit, he went to her house. He just wanted to talk. He heard raised voices, and what sounded like a scream. It triggered his hero complex and he busted down the door. This was his chance to rescue his princess and prove to her that she needed him.

Only she didn't need him.

"Wilson?" Lo looked up from the bed. Her arms were tied to the posts and a rather large, mean looking fellow was on top of her, her torn shirt in one hand. What was Wilson supposed to think?

House took great pleasure in teasing Wilson about the black eye. "I thought she was being raped," Wilson explained, which only made House laugh more.

"Wilson?" Cuddy snapped her fingers in his face.

"What? Oh." Wilson shook off that embarrassing memory.

"Look, it was sweet, what you thought you were doing. But if you want to get Lo back, you need to back off."

"She won't even talk to me." Wilson whined.

"You ruined a very good…evening for her." Cuddy tried not to laugh. Wilson had told her he tripped on some stairs when she asked about the black eye. At the time, she believed him, but then she learned the truth from Lo.

"I…" Wilson was still embarrassed even thinking about it.

"Do you have feelings for her?" Cuddy could see the signs.

"Yes." He held back on saying he loved her. It was too soon.

"I'll talk to her." Cuddy really wanted Lo to settle down. It was a friend's thing. When one friend found themselves in a committed relationship, they want their close friends to be in relationships too. And it was a plus that it was her friend and House's friend, meaning House wouldn't have to meet anyone new.

"Thanks." Wilson put the magazine back on Cuddy's desk, opened. He turned it around to face her and pointed at a dress. "This is a nice dress."

When he left, Cuddy picked up the magazine and looked at the picture. That man had impeccable taste.


	17. The Tux

**The Tux**

Wilson had guessed correctly. House dragged him to The Men's Wearhouse. "This is where you're getting your tuxedo?"

"This is where I get all my pointless torture outfits."

"They're called suits House."

"I know." House pushed his way into the chain store with a resigned sigh. He looked around until he found an employee fussing with a rack of suit jackets. "I'm getting married. I need a tux."

"Congratulations sir." The middle aged man turned and plastered on his fake, salesman's smile.

"You can drop the schtick and just get me a tux." House looked at Wilson as if this were his fault.

"What?" Wilson asked quietly as the two friends followed the annoyed salesman into a back room.

"And when is the happy event?" The salesman stood aside and invited them into the formalwear room.

"Right after the wedding," House deadpanned.

"I think he meant the wedding, House."

"Oh, that." House looked at Wilson.

"September 27th," Wilson confirmed.

The salesman looked confused, but only for a moment. His face did a big 'ooooooooh'. "Will you be trying on a tux as well?"

Wilson looked at House. It probably was a good idea to get his now as well. "Yeah, why not?"

The tall, slender yet somewhat unhealthy looking man was fiddling with the rack beside him. "Will this be a formal wedding?"

"No, I want an informal tux." House snided.

"They do make them, you know," Wilson asided.

"Really?"

"It's going to be formal." Wilson turned back toward the salesman and explained their needs while House shuffled around like a bored child. "The brides dress is a very specific color, a sort of champaignish orchid color."

"It is?" House looked at him quizzically.

"Wait, she gave me a picture." Wilson went digging in his pocket.

"She did?" House felt slightly out of the loop. He peered over Wilson's shoulder as he pulled out a computer printout.

Wilson clutched the picture to his chest. "You can't see this." House grabbed for it but nimble Wilson hopped out of his reach.

"I can see anything I want." House learned from his previous mistake and immobilized Wilson with a sharp whack of his cane. He grabbed the picture while Wilson was busy grabbing his throbbing leg.

"Just don't tell her I let you see it," Wilson pleaded pointlessly. "House?" His friend hadn't responded. He was staring at his future wife in her wedding dress. "Do you like the dress?"

House shoved the picture back at Wilson. "Just pick me out a tux to go with it." He turned and left.

Wilson looked at the salesman, apologized for no apparent reason, then hurried off after his friend.

"House? House? What's wrong?" Wilson caught up to the limping man easily. Of course, he was House's ride, so it really wasn't much of a chase.

"You picked out my tux already?" House stared blankly at his friend.

"No. You have to try them on House." Wilson was trying to read his face. What had just happened? "Cuddy's very excited about that dress House. Don't you like it?"

"It's fine," House said with little enthusiasm.

"House." Wilson blocked his path. "It's me. What's going on?"

"Well, my tux isn't going to pick itself." House headed back into the store.

He had been trying very hard not to take this wedding seriously. It wasn't that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with Lisa Cuddy, he did. He couldn't think of anything he wanted more. He just didn't really want to marry her.

He'd known married people, and they were all miserable. Wilson had been married three times, he'd been crazy in love with all three of them, and as soon as the shackles where locked, everything went to hell. His parents had been married for over 50 years. They pretended they were happy, but he knew they weren't. They were sick of each other. They only stayed together because they were of a generation that believed in staying together.

He'd been lying to himself for months, ever since they got engaged. He kept telling himself it wasn't going to happen, that something horrible was going to happen and she was going to call the whole thing off. He would rather they crash and burn in some horrible blow out now then to slowly fizzle out and loose all passion the way his parents had. He was quite happy to love Cuddy, and he was fine with hating Cuddy, but he could not deal with being indifferent to her.

The salesman did not look happy to see them return. "You've made a decision?" He looked down his nose at the slightly taller House. It was quite a feat.

"I want that one." House pointed at the closest black pile of fabric hanging from a shiny plastic hanger.

"No." Wilson shook his head to the salesman, then started sifting through the choices. "You're a 32 inseam, yeah?" Wilson looked at House and held a pair of trousers up to his waist. "That looks about right." He nodded and pulled out a few different styles.

House grumbled when it was time to go into the dressing room, and made sure Wilson had more to try on than he did. A few minutes later and he came out in his first ensemble. It was a basic black tux, nothing to write home about, nothing to sneeze at either.

"That looks good." Wilson nodded his head. It was elegant and classic, and fit House's tall slender frame perfectly.

"Eh," House shrugged. He wasn't feeling it. "I'll take it." He didn't really want to try any more on.

"You should at least try a few more on," Wilson insisted, peering at his ass in the mirror. "Do these make my hips stick out?" He was holding up the jacket to show the pleated trousers beneath.

"How the hell should I know?" House trudged back into his dressing room and changed back into his street clothes.

"Ready?" Wilson came out in suit number two. He stopped dead when he saw House's jeans and graphic tee shirt. "There's no way she'll let you wear that."

"I'll wear whatever the hell I want." House was getting slightly annoyed with all this 'she will let you do this or that' crap. It was his wedding too. "And I'm buying the one I just tried on."

"Don't you want to try on something else?" Wilson was once again checking himself out in the mirror.

"Why? This one fits, it's reasonably priced, and it looks like all the other ones."

"You might find one you like better."

"I like this one." House was not about to get changed again. This one fit, so this one was the winner.

"What about the vest and tie?"

"What about?"

"We can have them died to match the dress if you bring in a color sample." The salesman was more than ready to end this transaction.

"Yes, Wilson, attend to that, would you?" House was over the whole trying on suits thing and ready to go.

"Whatever you say House," Wilson groaned, fully aware that he could say no to his friend, but utterly unable to do so.

Wilson paid for two suits, got the name of the groomsmen's suits to give to whoever was unfortunate enough to be in the wedding party, and got House out of there before he started acting out.


	18. Hula House

**Hula House**

House walked through the front door and immediately knew something was up. He sniffed the air and noticed the faint hint of pineapple? "Hello?" He called out, hoping to lock in on her location. She didn't respond, but he did notice soft music coming from the bedroom. "If you're not alone, you're in BIG trouble," he said, unbuttoning his shirt as he hobbled down the hallway.

Cuddy heard his footsteps and took one last look in the mirror. Her hair looked great, tossled with just a hint of her natural curls, and her face was clean and flushed with nervous excitement. House was going to either love this, or laugh in her face, and not knowing was giving her a rush. She might have overdid the outfit…she frowned as she looked down. But it was too late to do anything about that now.

House pushed open the bedroom door and felt a rush of movement. Before he knew what hit him, a colorful silk lei was being strung around his neck. "Aloha," Cuddy breathed into his ear as she stretched up to put the lei on him.

"What the?" House looked around the room. There were a few dozen Island Breeze candles wafting about the place, accented with the soft drum beats of a luau. Then he looked at Cuddy and no longer cared how silly the rest of it was.

"Aloha," he said back excitedly. He ruffled her grass skirt with his cane. "Did you get a part time job at the Hula Hut?" He wasn't sure such a place existed, but he also wasn't sure he would object to Cuddy working there, if this was her uniform.

"We have to start thinking about our honeymoon." She felt one of the coconut shells that encased her breasts pinching and tried to shift it back into place without looking awkward. House didn't seem to notice.

"Well finally." House had a feeling he knew where she wanted to go. "You're thinking Alaska?"

"House!" Cuddy pouted. She was so adorable when she pouted that House sometimes acted like an ass just to see her pout. Other times he acted like an ass because he was one. Either way, she looked damned hot.

"You want to go to Hawaii." He didn't sound too happy about that.

"Yes." She was getting frustrated. She'd worked this all out in her head, and now he was messing everything up. "Now shut up and sit down." She shoved him onto the bed.

"Yes ma'am," House remained seated and waited for whatever she had in store.

Cuddy waited for the beat then began to sway her hips gently to the music. She'd found hula instructions on youtube and thought it sounded like a good idea at the time. She slowly raised her arms and began to make a wave motion.

"We could sit by the sea," she raised one hand to her mouth, "and sip cocktails," then let her hands flutter delicately over her head, "while we watch the sunset…"

House grinned and realized he really was an ass when he raised one hand into a little O then slid his other index finger in and out of it suggestively, "and fuck till sunrise."

Cuddy stopped and glared at him. "House!" She looked around her then grabbed a candle off the nearby dresser. She blew it out before hurling it at his head.

House bobbed out of the way and it bounced across the bed. "You could have hit me!"

"Next time I will." She gave up and sat next to him in a huff.

House let his hand slip onto her knee. "If you want to go to Hawaii, we'll go to Hawaii."

"I don't want to force you." She sighed.

"What are you talking about? You force me to do things I don't want to do all the time." He looked at her legs, which were now peeking through the plastic 'grass' of her skirt. Damn she had nice legs.

"Yeah, but you never do any of it."

"Because I like pissing you off. You're just so hot when you're frustrated." He knew it was coming, and he braced himself for it, but still the impact of the pillow against his face sent him down onto his back, exactly as he'd planned.

"You can not use pissing me off as foreplay." Her coconut shells pressed down against his bare chest as she leaned on top of him.

"Why not? It works." House slid his hand around her body and pulled at the string holding her shells on.

"Oh really?" She pulled herself out of his clutches and grabbed her shells to keep from exposing herself.

"Really." House grinned at her. She hated that grin.

"Maybe we just won't have a honeymoon." She knew that was the only part of this whole wedding he was actually looking forward to.

"Maybe we just won't have a wedding." House countered.

Her answer to that was to chuck her coconut bra at his head. It hit him in the shoulder.

"That hurt!"

"I'm topless, get over it." She smiled at him and he got over it.

"I could never get over your being topless." House leaned back on the bed. "Now dance for me woman."

"Excuse me?" Cuddy looked at him, arms folded over her bare breasts. Even half naked she had an air of authority that kinda turned him on.

"You heard me, dance." House smirked. He loved bossing her around. She listened about as well as he did, but that only made it more fun.

"Why don't you dance?" She leaned over and grabbed his arm. House let her pull him to his feet, curious where this was headed.

"I don't have a grass skirt," he said coyly, before realizing she might have a spare, just waiting for him.

She did not have a spare, so she pulled her skirt off and wrapped it around his waist. Her arms circled him and she tied it as tight as she could. Still the skirt did not completely cover him and there was a two inch gap at the back. She let her hands slide down along the gap and gave his ass a good squeeze. "Now, dance, man." She pulled away and sat on the bed in nothing but her thong.

"I can't dance." House stood there, feeling embarrassed.

"Sure you can." She got up and strode over to him. She put her hands on his hips. "You just sway your hips, back and forth," she moved him left and right slowly, moving her own hips in unison. "It's easy."

"It'd be easier if you did it." He tried to pull away, to go back to his seat and enjoy the show, but she wouldn't let him. She began to rotate his hips in a slow S shape. "Bend your knees a little, make the movements smoother." She was enjoying giving him instructions.

House did as he was told. The draft up his bottom was driving him nuts, so he shifted the skirt around on his waist until the slit was over his left hip. Cuddy was looking down at their hips, snaking around in unison. She was concentrating on their movements.

House found something very sexy about the way she was so focused on their bodies, the feel of her hands on his flesh, guiding his hips around and around. It was like a lesson in sex, and he quite liked it.

After a few minutes, Cuddy took a step back. She wanted to watch him move; wanted to see if he would do it on his own. Much to her surprise, he did. He was lost in the music, in the heat of the candles that burned around them. He felt the rhythm in his head and let it flow through him. He had actually been a pretty good dancer back in the day, before the Infarction. Music had always been his passion, and dancing was just another expression of the music.

Cuddy watched him, smiling, swaying to the music. She slipped out of her panties, her eyes never leaving him, watching him move with her brilliant blue eyes. "Come here." It was an order he had no intention of ignoring.

House tried to unknot the string holding the skirt around his waist, but he pulled the wrong end and only tightened it. "Damn!"

"Forget about it." She was lowering down onto her back and pulling him toward her.

"I'm in a skirt!" House wanted the thing off.

"I'm in nothing, and I'm lying beneath you, House. Forget about the damned skirt." She pulled him down hard until their bodies crashed together.

He tried to forget about the damned skirt, though the green plastic strips were starting to stick to his sweating body.

He was trying to pull a piece of 'grass' out of his ass when he felt her hands slid up his chest. She worked slowly, knowing he was distracted, and determined to distract him even more. He felt one of her hands wrap around his neck and turned to look at her. She was smiling up at him. "Forget about the skirt, House," she told him again, and this time he did.

He felt his manhood press against her thigh as she caressed his shoulders and arms. He let his own hands take that all too familiar journey from her arms to her shoulders to her perfect breasts, squeezing one in each hand as he had so many times before.

"Make me." It wasn't going to take much.

Cuddy grabbed the back of his neck and tossed him over onto his back. One hand slipped through the grass strips until she had hold of his cock and was stroking it gently. When he was hard enough for her, she climbed on top of him and felt him slip deep into her.

House moaned with pleasure and started to move his hips around in the S pattern she'd just shown him. It took a great deal of effort, but it was well worth it. He could see the effects as her body began to quiver.

"Oh, that's good," she purred as she put more of her weight on her hands, pressing his shoulders deep into the mattress. "Don't stop."

House didn't. He let his hips swivel back and forth, pushing forward as much as he could. He enjoyed watching her shutter with delight each time his cock pushed hard against her walls. Her hair was starting to stick to her face, and he brushed a bit of it away as he pulled her mouth down to his.

"Hawaii might not be so bad," he huffed as she began to increase the ferocity with which she worked on top of him.

"Where did you want to go?" She asked in short, staccato breaths.

"Here," he replied in a forced grunt.

"Princeton?" She huffed breathlessly.

"This….bedddddd," he cried out.

She laughed, and her body shook on top of him. Then she cried out as she felt him thrust hard inside her. "They…have beds...in Hawaii…" she was starting to tremble all over.

"Why…Hawaiiiiiiii," he felt himself cumming.

"I've…always…wanted…to…goooo ooo ooo," she fell down beside him, breathing heavily. "...to Hawaii.", her head nestled into the crook of his arm.

"Then we'll go to Hawaii." House was panting and sweating and felt amazing. He would have taken her to the moon if that's what she wanted.

"It's settled then." She rested her hand on his chest and could feel his heart still pounding beneath it.

"This doesn't mean I'll give in to everything you want just because you let me touch you in your special spot." He was running his hand over her hot, sweaty body.

"I'll make a note of that." She smiled to herself. He wasn't the only one who knew which buttons to push.


	19. Devastating Darling

**Devastating Darling**

House walked into the kitchen the next morning. Cuddy was sitting at the table reading the paper. "You didn't make me any?" He walked over and took the fork out of her hands and scooped some egg onto it.

"No." She pulled the fork out of his hand, and rescooped the egg, which had fallen back onto her plate in the ruckus.

"What the hell am I marrying you for?" He went and fixed himself a bowl of Fruit Loops.

"For last night." She smiled at him, still radiating from last nights activities.

"Oh, yeah." Damn. She won that one. But why was she smiling at him like that? "What?" House was starting to feel self conscious.

"Nothing." She looked down at her eggs.

House thought for a moment. "Wilson told you I bought a tux." So that was what last night was all about.

"He mentioned it." She was trying so hard to seem casual. House found that utterly adorable.

"And you wanted to reward me for my effort?"

She blushed and played with her eggs.

House thought about it for a moment. Oh, what the hell? "What are you doing today?"

Cuddy looked up at him. "Going to work, why?"

"I meant, are you doing anything, weddingy?" It was his turn to play with his breakfast, and he struggled to liberate one red Loop from his bowl. "I thought I could go with you, if you were."

He wouldn't look at her, and seemed quite focused on that red Fruit Loop, so she smiled at the top of his head. "I was going to meet with the wedding planner on Tuesday."

"Oh, Darling Denise?" House asked, pretending to gush.

Cuddy looked terrified for a split second, then regained her composure, but she knew House had seen it. "It's Denise Darling, and what did you do to her?"

House grinned. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know."

"Yes, House, I would. How did you..."

"Hacked into your computer."

"When did you..."

"Couple weeks ago."

"Why?"

"Because I could." It was an honest answer.

"Is she going to run in horror when she sees you?"

House chuckled. "No, but she might be a bit surprised to see me with you. Maybe we should bring Wilson along."

"No. Wilson's involved enough in this wedding." Cuddy really did appreciate all Wilson's help but she was starting to loose her patients with all his input. It was, after all, NOT his wedding.

Tuesday didn't take long to arrive, and Wilson's face fell when House said he couldn't have lunch with him.

"You have something else to do?" House never had anything else to do, and Wilson couldn't help but think he was up to something.

"Husbandly duties, if you know what I mean." House knew that Wilson would jump to the wrong conclusion, and that was fine by him. In fact, he gave Wilson a boost by sounding as lascivious as possible when he gave his cryptic reply.

"Oh." Wilson blushed. He still couldn't handle the idea of his two friends naked together. Sure he's imagined Cuddy naked as often as the next guy, and he'd seen House naked more than he cared to, but putting those two images together was just...shiver wrong.

House watched his friend hurry off babbling something about needing to get some paperwork done anyway. Then he shuffled off to Cuddy's office. He was not looking forward to spending time with Darling Denise Darling again, but if he got rewarded the way he did when he agreed on their honeymoon, then it would be worth an hour of suffering. He was starting to wonder if Cuddy got off on making him suffer.

"Dr. House!" Denise was surprised to see him.

"Hello Darling." House smiled curiously, which was the first thing that caused alarm in his fiancé.

"Where's your fiancé?" Denise would have much preferred seeing Dr. Wilson again.

Cuddy narrowed her eyes at her fiancé. "Is there something you want to tell me House?"

"Cuddy here stole me away from him." House put his arm around his soon to be wife, and kissed her on the cheek. He felt her annoyance and smiled.

"Whatever he told you last time he was here was most likely all lies."

"I told her you were beautiful." House squeezed her bottom as he let his hand slid off of her.

He felt her glaring at him, even though her eyes were looking at the wedding planner.

"We don't have much time. I have a meeting at two. Let's just get this done." Cuddy didn't have a meeting at two, but she did want to get this over with as much as House did.

"I thought about your idea of a buffet, and I just think, with the elegance of the dress, and the..."

"I bought a tux," House announced proudly.

"Oh, that's wonderful." Denise seemed genuinely pleased.

"It was on sale," House added, knowing it would annoy Cuddy. Sadly she didn't respond.

"Oh," Denise didn't really know what to say to that. He seemed so pleased.

"I would really prefer a buffet," Cuddy said, trying to get the conversation back on food. "No one really eats a meal at a wedding, and a buffet will get people up and mingling."

Denise thought about this. "That's a really good point." She was not happy. She already had a lovely meal picked out.

"Cuddy's got at least two good points..." he got a slap in the knee for that one. Luckily Denise couldn't see them on the other side of her desk.

"Well, that was one of them," Denise said, oblivious to the innuendo.

"Yes, I can't wait for the other one." House turned and looked at his beloved.

"It needs to be kosher, the buffet." Cuddy wasn't playing along.

"I want jerk chicken." House didn't really, he'd just had some, but he felt he needed to add something useful to the conversation in order to earn his points.

"We're not having jerk chicken House." Cuddy didn't want anything that specific.

"Well, if you don't want my help." He sighed, and looked at Denise like his whole life was about being denied the things he wanted most.

"We could do jerk chicken." Denise made a note to find out what it was. "I think, with a buffet, you can have a nice selection of items." She was writing down ideas.

"Here, this is what I want." Cuddy pulled out a typed list of foods and handed it over to Denise.

"Wait a minute." House pulled the paper out of her hands. He had to eat this stuff too, and wanted some input.

He scanned the list. There were quite a few of his favorites on it. He felt slightly guilty when he realized she was thinking of him when she put the menu together. "Yeah, that's fine." He tossed the paper at Denise with some resentment. How was he supposed to seem all helpful and interested when Cuddy had already thought of everything.

"You said we'd be looking at some cakes today." Cuddy really was starting to be annoyed by perky Denise, and wanted to get this meeting over with as soon as possible. Having House around wasn't helping matters at all.

"Yes. I've got some photographs, and also set up a tasting for you in the other room. Come with me." Denise loved the cake tasting more than anything. She had a bit of a sweet tooth which, in a couple more years, was going to cause a great deal of hip expansion, but she was young and unconcerned with that at the moment.

House lit up. He didn't realize they got to try the cakes. "How many do we get to try?" He asked as they went in the back room.

"I've chosen six, based on your specifications." She was talking to Cuddy, who was holding the reigns a bit tighter than Denise liked, but who was paying well, so Denise was playing along.

"The first is your traditional white princess cake with a cream cheese frosting," Denise had shown them to a table with two chairs and a note card. She let the couple sit together so they could both write their comments on the card. She had only expected Cuddy and didn't have a place set for House.

House made a face. "I'm not having a 'princess' cake at my wedding." He hate the cake anyway. It was good, but he stood by his anti-princess stance.

"Are you sure?" Denise usually sold people on this cake. "It is sure to be a crowd pleaser. I don't know anyone who doesn't like princess cake."

"Well, you do now." House slid away the empty plate and waited for the next.

"The next is a traditional Italian cake called Cassata. It's a golden cake topped with an amaretto butter sauce and toasted almonds then frosted with rich cream cheese…"

House ate most of the second piece, leaving a bite or two for Cuddy to try. "Nope."

"Do you not like the toasted almonds?" That was the usual complaint about this cake.

"We're not having a traditional Italian wedding, why would we want a traditional Italian cake?"

"You're just being difficult," Cuddy informed him.

House grinned and simply said, "yes."

"Well," Denise felt herself loosing her composure. This man clearly did not want to get married. Still, she was a professional, so she trudged on. "The next is a lovely raspberry liquor cake…"

"Not gonna happen," House informed her, trying the cake anyway.

"Why not?" Denise was feeling a strong urge to slap the fork out of his hand, but she fought it valiantly.

"I don't want any fruit cake at my wedding."

"Are you staying home then?" Cuddy asked snidley under her breath.

"That is no way to talk to the man you love." House kidded back.

Denise plowed on, praying to whatever god she could think of that this was over soon. That was two down, four to go. "The next is a red velvet cake. It's a real crowd pleaser…"

"Just let us try it." House didn't need her sales pitch. He just wanted to eat cake.

"It's bland. Next!" He pushed the empty plate away. Denise looked at Cuddy for support, but the dark haired woman just shrugged.

"We have..."

House grabbed the plate and started eating. He didn't care what it was called, or what little blurb Darling Denise had memorized about it, he just wanted to know if it tasted good. And it did.

House made appreciative yum noises as he sunk his teeth into the chocolate devils food cake with fudge filling. "Me likey," he said with his mouth full, pulling the plate into his arms so Cuddy couldn't take any more.

"I guess we're getting that one," Cuddy said resigned to letting him have it all. "You said you had some designs to look at?"

"Yes, this way." Denise looked over at House who was licking the plate exaggeratedly. "Do you want to meet us when you're done?"

House would have said yes, but the look in Cuddy's eyes told him if he wanted to get laid, he'd better start behaving himself, so he put the plate down and followed the women back into the main office.

"I want it big, and phallic." House said as they started flipping through the pages of the Cake Book. Cuddy laughed but Denise, young Denise, fresh out of design school, looked horrified. House hated innocents.

"Uh..." Denise couldn't come up with a response to save her life.

House looked at both women innocently. "Size matters!"

"Every time I say that you start babbling on about technique," Cuddy said, smiling.

Denise turned more red as she turned the page. "You could do multiple tiers separated by pillars. That would add a bit of height." She showed them a very tall cake with each layer separated by white Corinthian columns.

"Oh, we like multiples, don't we dear?" House leaned toward Cuddy.

"I wouldn't know," Cuddy replied dryly. If House wanted to play this game, Cuddy was more than happy to kick his ass at it.

Denise was now just talking to herself. "You also need to decide between traditional frosting or fondant."

"Cuddy's a licker. I think she'd prefer the frosting." House smiled triumphantly.

Denise gulped nervously. "The fondant gives the cake a nice smooth look…"

"Cuddy likes it rough."

"How would you know?" Cuddy snided.

"…that wraps the cake neatly." Denise was not going to be thrown off course. "Then you can add flowers or bows or…"

"Bows?"

"Yes, or any decoration you like." Please be talking about cake, please be talking about cake. Denise headed for her happy place.

House grinned. "Awe, it's like a present."

"Yes, very tiny present." He had walked right into that one.

House grinned at his lover. Denise began to fidget nervously. Cuddy waited for his reply.

"You'll be getting a very large present when we get home." House was so proud of her.

"Really? Is Wilson coming over?" She smiled victoriously.

"I...oh, it's nearly two." Denise couldn't wait to get rid of them. "Didn't you say you had an appointment to get to?"

"Yes." Cuddy looked at her watch, trying not to laugh.

"It's not an important one." House said, pulling her back into her seat.

"But it is, House." Cuddy wanted out of there.

"More important than our wedding?" He looked as hurt as he could muster.

"Much more important." Cuddy replied. "I'm meeting with my divorce lawyer."

Denise was speechless. She'd never had to deal with a couple like this before. She had no idea what to do.

"You mean you're not divorced yet?" House looked shocked. "But you swore to me..."

Cuddy couldn't help herself. Denise Darling was as cloying and annoying as her name, and Cuddy felt this overwhelming urge to rattle the girl's cage a bit. "He's making it very hard for me to leave him."

House broke into a joyous smile. "I'll make it even harder for you to stay."

"Will you? With your tiny little present?" She looked at him challengingly.

"With my big, throbbing, multi tiered present."

"Just make sure you wrap it in fondant first, honey."

"I'll cover it in anything you want." House took her by the hand and lead her out the door.

Denise Darling closed up shop for the day and headed to the local bar. After a few drinks, she drunk dialed Dr. Cuddy's office and quit. She had serious doubts about that marriage.


	20. Bye Bye Darling

**Bye Bye Darling**

"Hello, Dr. Cuddy, this is Denise Darling, from Darling Weddings. I hate to do this over the phone, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to coordinate your wedding any longer. Feel free to use the ideas we've come up with, and when you find a new wedding planner, I'd be happy to forward my work on to him or her, but I don't think I'm equipped to give you what you're looking for. I wish you all the best with your wedding." Click. Buzzzzzz

"Damn!" Cuddy hung up the phone.

"Who was that?" House was still in her office sipping his morning coffee.

"Denise Darling."

"Oh, Darling Denise. How is she doing?"

"She quit." Cuddy blamed House. It was clearly his fault.

"Bummer?" House wasn't much fazed by the news, but he figured Cuddy would be and felt it was only respectful to try to show some remorse or something.

"Bummer? That's all you have to say? Bummer? Who's going to plan the wedding now? You don't think I have time to do it? With my work here, babysitting you morning, noon and night, and trying to make peace with my Mother. I've got..."

"Drop that last thing. There's really no need to go banging your head against that wall again."

"House!" She had really been trying with her mother, sharing the wedding plans with her, much to her mothers disapproval, asking about Lydia and the kids and doing all the things she thought a dutiful daughter should do. It was exhausting.

"What? You don't actually expect me to support your mother and child reunion do you?"

"It would be nice."

"I'm not nice."

"No shit."

"Such language," House chastised. "Do you kiss your fiancé with that mouth?"

"Not today I don't." Cuddy turned her back on him and he headed out the door.

As soon as he was gone she picked up the phone. "Lo, I have a crisis."

"What'd he do now?"

"Why do you think it has anything to do with House?"

"Everything bad in your life has something to do with House, Lisa."

"That's not true." Despite her protest, Cuddy had to think about it. A good deal of the bad things in her life gravitated around House, but that was only because he was a big part of her life, surely.

"Whatever. What's the crisis?"

"Denise quit."

"Who's that? A nurse?"

"The wedding planner." Cuddy had tried to accept the fact that her friend wanted nothing to do with planning a wedding, and was only going to be the maid of honor because Lisa had been her best friend for years and it meant so much to her. The fact that it pissed off Leila Cuddy who expected her favorite daughter to get the gig was just a huge bonus.

"Are you going to find a new one?"

"What's the point? House will only chase her away too."

"AH!" Lo said triumphantly. "So it did involve Greg. I knew it."

"Shut up."

"No, I will not shut up. I was right. Greg screwed up again. And once again you tried to cover for him. Does he have any idea how lucky he is?"

"I'm sure he does." Cuddy doubted it.

"Well, he better."

"Are you going to help me or not?" That was really a stupid question.

"Do I have to?"

"You're the maid of honor Lo."

"Yeah, but you said I was exempt from all that weddingy crap."

"Well, now you're unexempt."

"That is so unfair."

"Do you love me Lo?"

"You know I do."

"Then help me, before my head explodes."

Lo sighed overly dramatically. "Oh, if I must."

"You definitely must."

Lo showed up after work, carrying a large brown bag.

"What's that?" Cuddy peeked her head into the bag.

"Reinforcements." Lo pulled out a bottle of Vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice and a tiny plastic lemon.

"They still make these?" Cuddy picked up the lemon.

"Of course." Lo took it back and went and got two martini glasses and the cocktail shaker she'd given Cuddy two years ago for her birthday. "Now, tell me all about this wedding of yours." Lo started mixing her potion and began shaking it all up loudly in the metal shaker while Cuddy tried to talk over her. "Cake, yeah, sounds delish," Lo shook away. "Um, hum, flowers, nice."

Cuddy finally grabbed the shaker. "You're not listening to me."

"Damn, you figured it out?"

Cuddy poured their drinks and handed one to Lo. "You're painfully obvious my dear."

"And here I was going for subtle with a slight hint of desperation."

"Oh, so close." Cuddy laughed as she took a sip. She hadn't had a Cosmo in ages. Not since the birthday when Lo got her the shaker and they got drunk and watched a Sex and the City marathon.

"You have the dress."

"Yes, thank you for going with me. I know it must have been torture."

"Don't worry about it. I got to see you naked. It's all good." Lo winked. She loved teasing her friend. Cuddy was one of the few women she could get away with it with.

"I wasn't putting on a peep show for you."

"That's what you think."

The two women started laughing hysterically.

"What the hell is all this?" House came through the door and threw his bag on the floor.

"We're planning your wedding. The one you are hell bent on ruining." Lo looked at him with mock contempt. She didn't really hate him. She just liked making him miserable as payback for all the times he'd made her best friend miserable.

"I'm going to Wilson's." House grabbed his bag and walked back out the door he'd just entered.

"That was easy." Lo smiled.

"Leave him alone Lo." Cuddy sipped her Cosmo quickly.

"Denise faxed you her notes?" Lo was flipping through several well coordinated fax pages.

"Yes."

"That was nice of her." Lo shook her head disapprovingly at most of the young woman's ideas.

"I think she took pity on me," Cuddy joked.

"She met House you mean?"

Cuddy groaned. "Yes, Lo, she met House and she quit. He's an evil, horrible, awful man that I happen to love so..."

"You've got serious issues of self loathing?" Lo finished her friends sentences. They often finished each others sentences, and they were often quite horribly and purposely wrong.

"Yes Lo. I hate myself and I'm punishing myself with amazing sex."

"That good?" Lo might have to reassess Dr. Misery.

"Yes Lo, that good." It was that good, but that wasn't the reason Cuddy loved him, but it was definitely something her oversexed best friend would understand.

"Well then, let's plan a wedding." Lo drew large red X marks through half Denise's precious ideas. "Did you even read this thing?"

"Haven't had time." Cuddy had given Denise strict guidelines, and she Denise had assured her she was following them.

"She wants to scatter rose petals down the aisle." Lo spoke as though that were the worst thing she'd ever heard.

"Well, that's not going to happen."

"Greg would be laughing his ass off if you did that."

"So would I." Cuddy liked romance, but she was not a fan of gilding the lily. Simple elegance was more her thing than some childhood fairytale dream wedding.

"And she's serving cheese fries?"

"Elegant cheese fries," Cuddy corrected, slightly embarrassed.

"You know about the cheese fries?" Sometimes Lo was ashamed to know her.

"I requested the cheese fries." Cuddy felt ashamed. "House likes them. I wanted..."

"To cater to his every whim?" Lo said with annoyance.

"To have at least a few things in this wedding that he wouldn't hate."

"Having you should be enough."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. That wasn't House's style. "Well, it's not."

"You deserve better."

"Yes, but I'm stuck with a man I love who loves me. Poor me." Cuddy was sick and tired of being told she deserved better. What exactly did that mean? What was better? House was funny, attractive, smart, he saved lives, he cared about her deeply, he loved her deeply, he was passionate he was daring, he was a little dangerous, and she loved him. What more was she supposed to want?

"I know. No need to get all defensive." Lo was only kidding, but she saw how hard Cuddy had taken it, so she backed off. "I love cheese fries."

Cuddy shook her head slowly. "Then what are you bitching about?" She threw a throw pillow at the ditzy blonde. That's what they were for, right?

"Watch the drink!" Lo managed to raise her glass out of the line of fire. When it was clearly safe, she took a drink, to make sure nothing bad had happened to it. "I bitch. That's what I do. That's why you love me." Lo smiled at her, tilting her blonde head coyly.

"I love you because you always pay for dinner."

"That's just because I feel sorry for you dear. What with your horrible job and your awful lover..." Lo didn't see the pillow coming this time, and her Cosmo spilled down the front of her shirt. "You bitch! Do you know what my dry cleaner is going to think if I bring yet another alcohol drenched shirt to him?"

"The truth?"

"Shut up!" Lo fired back, and though she didn't manage to knock Cuddy's glass down, she did get her to move it so fast it spilled. Lo didn't wait to see the wreckage. She was up and in the kitchen in a shot. It was bad enough her elderly dry cleaner chastised her for always coming late to pick up her clothes, now she was going to get a lecture on the evils of drink and how it is the road to damnation. She really needed to find herself an atheist drycleaner, or at least less of a busy body.

When Cuddy walked in, Lo was scrubbing away at the light pink stain. "It'll hardly be noticeable when it dries."

"It's my favorite blouse."

"They're all your favorite blouse, Lo." Cuddy came over and took the shirt out of her friends inept hands. "Let me do it. You're going to tear the fabric." In moments, Cuddy had the stain gone and handed the shirt back to Lo.

"I can't wear it like this." Lo held it up to reveal that the wet spot was right over her left breast.

"You've worn worse."

"I'll need to borrow something of yours." Lo headed for the bedroom.

"By borrow you mean steal?"

"Well, if I called it stealing you wouldn't give it to me, would you?" Lo started sifting through Cuddy's closet. "Oh, this is nice."

"Forget about it." Cuddy took the shirt from her friend and put it back, then hip bumped Lo out of the way and picked something from way in the back of her closet. "You can have this. I will look better on you anyhow."

"Everything looks better on me darling." Lo had a very healthy ego to rival her healthy libido.

"Naturally." Cuddy didn't even bother arguing about it anymore.

"Now, if you don't mind, I've got to run. I think I ran out of condoms, and I've got a date tonight, so I need to swing by the store. Unless you'll let me borrow some." She looked doe eyed and helpless.

"Have fun at the store." Cuddy followed her friend to the door.

"I always do." Lo loved shopping, for anything. She loved new things. She was thinking of trying the glow in the dark condoms tonight. Her date was 25 and a frat boy. He seemed the type to enjoy that kind of thing.


	21. Pandora's Box

**Pandora's Box**

Wilson stood in the hallway with a goofy sort of look on his face. Cuddy had told him to wait there while she got House. When she walked into what used to be her study, he waved a hand dismissively at her. "I'm busy."

"Your date's here." Cuddy positioned herself between him and the TV screen.

"What are you doing?" House leaned forward and shoved her aside. "Oh, damn! I just got killed." He threw the controller on the couch. "I hope you're happy?"

"Immensely." She picked up the controller and put it beside the Playstation 3 where it belonged. She would never understand why he found that so difficult. "You'd better hurry before the poor stripper suffocates in her big cardboard cake."

"Huh?" House had no idea what she was talking about.

"Your bachelor party is today."

"Oh, right." House never bothered remembering what day it was.

"So you'd better hurry."

"Right, the suffocating stripper; I'll just have to give her a little mouth to mouth."

"No, I just want you gone before my lover arrives." Cuddy smiled.

"What if I promise to be real quiet? Then can I stay and watch?" House knew Lo was coming over, and a lesbian love tryst between Cuddy and another woman could be quite stimulating.

"Not if the rest of the world were under attack by raging killer zombies and this was the only place you could find safe shelter."

"I'm starting to think you don't like me much." House pulled her into his arms for a hugging kiss.

"It's about time you figured that out, genius." She felt him squeeze her ass as his lips pressed against hers.

"There you are." Wilson smiled dopily when his too friends finally entered the living room.

"Gee Wilson. What are you doing here?" It was supposed to be a surprise. Cuddy knew, because Wilson had a big mouth, and she told House because she knew he hated surprises, unlike Wilson who thought House was one of those people who only said he hated surprises because he didn't want people to know he secretly loved them. Wilson meant well, but he could be pretty dense sometimes.

"I... I thought we could go get a drink; if that's okay with you Cuddy?" Wilson was trying so hard to be slick.

"We can have a drink right here," House didn't let Cuddy give her approval. Not that quickly.

"I suppose you could," Cuddy said, toying with Wilson a little.

"Lisa!" Wilson panicked. He should have known she'd side with House. She always sided with House.

She smiled and laughed. "Relax Wilson. He knows where you're going. He's just screwing with you."

"You told him!" Wilson should have known.

"I told you, I can't lie to him."

"Him is thirsty and greatly in need of naked women. Let's go."

"You didn't invite anyone else did you?" House asked as Wilson pulled the car out of the driveway.

"On fear of death? No." Wilson had been warned, repeatedly, that House did not want to hang out with Cuddy's male relatives, or anyone at the hospital, or anyone who wasn't Wilson.

"If there's other people there, I'm leaving."

"There's going to be other people there House. Strippers, for one, and waitresses and..."

"Hot chicks are exempt from the no people rule." He thought everyone knew that.

"And other patrons."

"Patrons?"

"We're going to a strip club."

"Oh." House sounded disappointed.

"You didn't think I was going to hire some poor woman to strip in front of just the two of us did you?"

"Well, yeah." Duh!

"That's...I...no."

"I thought I told you to hire Dita Von Teese."

"Yeah, like that was really going to happen. You've got to get over this Dita thing House. You're marrying Cuddy..."

"Bet she'd look hot in a tight corset, bright red lipstick..."

"IF YOU don't want to go to the strip club, we can go somewhere else." Wilson said anything, just to stop hearing about House's sex fantasies about their boss.

"No. That's fine." House sulked.

"I just thought you'd like one last night as a wild and crazy bachelor before Cuddy puts the shackles on you."

"Ooh, you can do that kind of thing when you're married?"

"Metaphoric shackles House, not real ones."

"Yeah, but they could be. Cuddy's game for that kinky stuff..."

Wilson quickly turned on the radio, loud. House didn't much care. He was lost in a fantasy where Dita and Cuddy had tied him to the bed and where performing a very touchy feely striptease together. He'd kind of forgotten about Wilson's existence for a moment.

"Here we are." Wilson pulled into the parking lot of Pandora's Box just as Dita had instructed Cuddy to fellate him.

"I really hate you sometimes." House glared at his best friend as the beautiful image blew away from his mind. Wilson furrowed his brow, but let it go.

They were shown to a table by a scantily clad young woman working her way through law school. Her parents naively thought she was getting scholarships. "There's a three drink minimum. You can order them all now, or keep a running tab." She sounded bored with life.

"We'll keep a tab." Wilson ordered their favorite drinks and asked when the show started.

"'Bout half an hour," she said before she walked away. House watched her go, her bottom almost peeking out under the tight pink pleather skirt.

"Classy joint."

"We can leave." Wilson had expected something a bit nicer as well. Guess word or mouth wasn't always reliable.

"Why?" House liked slumming now and then.

"Or we could stay." Wilson shrugged.

They were silent for a moment, then Wilson changed the subject. "I heard Lo is planning the wedding now."

"This is my bachelor party. Don't ruin it with talking about the wedding."

"I'm kinda surprised Cuddy didn't ask me." Wilson continued to talk about the wedding.

"You were driving her crazy."

"I was?" He thought he was being helpful.

"Yep." House tried to change the subject back. "You think they'll have a Dita look alike at least?"

"They might," Wilson said, changing back again. "She's mad because I showed you the dress, isn't she?"

"Wait, this isn't going to be one of those shows where they don't get completely naked is it? I want to see real live breasts."

"I don't know how real they'll be, but you'll see nipples, if that's what you're worried about." Wilson was persistent. "I offered to give Lo a hand..."

"Good. Nipples are good."

"Nipples are great House, are you listening to me?"

"Trying not to, but you keep talking anyway."

"Lo said it was probably best if she took care of things herself. What do you think that means?"

"I think it means it would be best if she took care of things herself."

"But why? Does she not want help, or does she not want MY help?"

"Isn't there a girl in your middle school class you can talk about this with?"

"You're my friend, House, I thought you'd be supportive."

"You want my advice. Move on."

"But..."

"She's not interested. She doesn't need you. Move on! What ever happened to that hooker you were seeing?"

"Robin? She's out of the picture."

"Pity. She was hot."

"Lo's hot."

"Lo's annoying."

"You're annoying."

"Okay, I see your point. Lo's hot."

"And she's mad at me." Wilson frowned.

House sighed heavily with the realization that Wilson was not going to shut up about this until they had a man to man talk. "You barged in on her having sex with another man. That tends to annoy some people."

Wilson had once walked into House's office while he and Cuddy were...Wilson shook the image out of his head. "I thought..."

"She needed rescuing. You didn't think that, Wilson, you hoped it. You can't stand that she doesn't need your help, and you can't get over her until she does. You're a sick, sick man who feeds on the neediness of others.

"I do not." Wilson protested.

"Do to." House retorted. "And is this going to turn into one of those stimulating debates where one of us will resort to using the infinity clause to win? Because if so, I'm going to need another drink. Hell, if not, I'm still going to need another drink."

"..." Wilson chuckled. "No." They did sometimes sound like two twelve year old boys fighting over who took the last stick of gum. He summoned the half naked waitress and ordered another round.


	22. Bachelorette Party

**Bachelorette Party**

Lo showed up a suspiciously well timed few minutes after Wilson and House left. "You just missed the boys," Cuddy said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"I didn't want to dent my new car." Lo motioned toward the small, red Ferrari in the driveway.

"Nice." Cuddy wasn't really impressed by expensive cars, but it certainly was pretty.

"Are you ready to go? You're not wearing that are you? We've got to get you sexed up..."

"I don't need to be sexed up." Cuddy pushed Lo away from her.

"You do. This is your last chance."

"Last chance for what?" Cuddy didn't like the sound of that.

"It's bachelor night. You each go out and do...whatever, and no one asks questions in the morning." At least that's the way it worked in Lo's head.

"That's not how it works. This is strictly a look but don't touch evening."

"For you maybe." Lo had every intention of touching, if the need arose.

"Let's go." Cuddy was oddly dreading tonight. It wasn't so much that they were going to a strip club to ogle naked men, but she had no idea who Lo had dug up to join them, and she wasn't sure she'd really want to let her hair down around any of them. "Who did you invite, anyway?"

"Oh, just a few of the old crowd. Oh, and your sister."

"Lydia!"

Lo looked extremely guilty. "I didn't think she'd say yes, but I knew I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't invite her."

"She flew all the way here to go to a bachelorette party?" Cuddy suddenly felt sick to her stomach.

"The good news is; your mother isn't with her." Lo tried to smile.

"She might as well be." So much for having fun tonight.

Lo brightened up. "Look, why don't we just ditch them. We can go somewhere else. You can blame me for it, say I kidnapped you."

"We can't do that."

"Really?" Lo's face spread into a wide grin. "But, I think I just did." She made a funny surprised face as she made a sharp turn onto the on ramp.

"Lo! What are you doing?" Cuddy looked around frantically.

"I'm going to help you loosen up my darling." Lo pushed her foot down hard on the gas and the small car took off down the highway.

"But…my sister…the party…"

"Do you really want to go sit at a strip club with your sister? Or do you want to go to Atlantic City with me?" Lo didn't care what the answer was. They were going to Atlantic City.

"I…" Cuddy really wanted to go with Lo. She knew it was the wrong thing to do, and she knew there would be hell to pay, but she really, really wanted to just cut loose and go to Atlantic City with her best friend, and do things that could get them arrested.

"Sit back, relax, and let me take all the blame." Lo had no problem telling any of the Cuddy women to stuff it, even Lisa if need be.

"You're going to be in big trouble for this."

"I like getting in trouble. It usually means I've done something fun." Lo turned up the radio and headed for Atlantic City. She'd put the top down and the warm night blew her hair back. She loved that feeling.

"My mother was right about you. You are a bad influence." Lisa leaned her head against the headrest and closed her eyes. She felt the wind blowing across her face and thought about how jealous House was going to be when he found out what she did, well, the bits she was willing to tell him about.

It took Lo less than an hour and a half to reach Atlantic City. She would have gotten there sooner, but highway patrol units were stations in three separate spots along their route and it was cramping her style.

"You're not sleeping are you?" She looked over at Cuddy who was leaning back in her seat.

"No."

"What?" Lo knew that tone. Something was on her friends mind.

Cuddy shook it off. "Nothing. Let's go."

"If you don't want to…"

"I want to." Cuddy got out of the car. "Shut up and buy me a drink."

Lo smirked as she closed up the car. "I have no intention of buying our drinks. That's why god gave us these," she adjusted her breasts then headed toward Bally's.

"Wanna do some gambling first?" Lo's face practically lit up when she saw the flashing lights and heard the obnoxious sounds of the slot machines. She loved casinos.

"I'm not a gambler."

Lo rolled her eyes and sat at a blackjack table. "You can be my lucky charm then." She winked at the dealer and pulled out a wad of cash. "Money plays?"

The dealer, who showed signs of knowing her intimately, nodded. "Money plays."

"Is there anyone in this town you don't know?" Cuddy whispered into her friend's ear.

"I'm friendly." Lo shrugged as she waited for her cards then pulled them both up against her chest. She peeked at them then showed them to Cuddy. "Should I hit?"

"Are you crazy?" Cuddy looked at the king and eight.

"Hit me." Lo nodded decidedly. She was an infuriating gambler. She never played by the rules.

The dealer turned over a two of clubs. Lo grinned happily and held. Twenty minutes later she left the table, twelve hundred dollars richer.

"You can afford to buy me dinner now." Cuddy had been sharing Lo's complimentary drinks and was already starting to feel their effects on her empty stomach.

"Oh God," Lo said, exasperated. "You want something to eat? Fine, I'll get you something to eat." She headed toward the bar.

"I said eat, Lo, not something to drink." Cuddy followed her friend anyway.

"Trust me, I'll get you the finest meal in Atlantic City." Lo noticed a very attractive gentleman sitting beside and talking to an onviously enhanced blonde.

"I don't want the finest meal in Atlantic City. I just want some food." Cuddy's head was starting to spin. She hadn't eaten since...she couldn't remember if she'd had lunch today.

"Excuse me," Lo pushed her way between him and the blonde. "Don't I know you?"

The man looked her over. "I don't think I've had the pleasure." Lo swooned. He had an accent.

"I'm sure I know you." She leaned against the bar, blocking the cheaper blonde's attempts to catch his attention. She looked him up and down slowly. "I'd recognize those dimples anywhere." It was such a cheesy line, but somehow Lo made it work.

"Can I buy you a drink?" He'd forgotten the surgically altered DD already, which was good, because Lo had just nudged her out of her seat and claimed it as her own. DD huffed off with a few choice words for the slut who'd just poached her rich catch.

"Make it two and you've got a deal." She motioned Cuddy to join her on the rather small stool.

"Two it is." He was intrigued, and a little too optimistic. A blonde and a brunette. If only they had a red headed this would be a very good night.

"I'm Lo, and this is Lisa. She's off limits." Lo didn't want there being any misunderstandings. "But I have no limits." Lo slid her hand along his thigh.

"Pierre Valmont." He nodded politely at Cuddy. If she was off the menu there was really no need to get to know her, so he turned all his attention to Lo.

"I'm so glad you're French." Lo smiled. She loved French men. They were very attentive lovers.

"You forgot I was French, from last time we met?" He was teasing her, and with that accent, he could go on teasing her all he wanted.

"We weren't doing much talking."

Pierre smiled. He had put on his best suit, and slathered on his most expensive cologne, and it seems as if it paid off. He was getting lucky tonight. And maybe, if he played his cards right, her uptight friend might just join in the fun. Pierre was an optimist. He wasn't ready to count the brunette out just yet. "You'll have to remind me of what it was we were doing."

"Maybe later sweetie." Lo smiled, but she was starting to get a bad vibe from this guy. "Then again, maybe not," she whispered into Cuddy's ear as she reached for her drink.

"What about you darling?" Pierre was checking out Cuddy. He appreciated a tight little body like hers. "Have we met before? Or do I remember you from my dreams?"

"Would you excuse me for a moment?" Cuddy pulled out her phone, "I have to call the sitter." It was a stupid lie, but she was pretty sure Pierre wasn't paying attention to anything she said.

"Well, it's just you and me then," Pierre smiled clumsily. "Why don't I refresh that drink for you?"

"Because I won't be around long enough to finish it." Lo chugged the last bit of her martini then walked off to find Cuddy. Leaving Pierre to slide down a few seats to the blonde he had started with.

Lo found her friend in the ladies room. "The sitter? Really?"

"We weren't doing much talking?" Cuddy was fascinated by Lo's pick up lines.

"It works." Lo looked in the mirror and fussed with her hair.

"Lo, in that top 'hi' would have worked."

"I'll try that next time." Satisfied with what she saw, Lo turned her attentions back toward Cuddy. "You have to admit he was hot."

"No I don't." Cuddy smiled at herself in the mirror. She was ready to go. "Can we go eat now?"

"Oh my god, all you think about is food. What happened to you? You used to be fun."

"I'm still fun." Cuddy pouted.

"Prove it." Lo smiled.

Cuddy sighed. This was going to be a very long night.


	23. Whatever House Wants

**Metaphoric.Love**...well, I'd have to see the dowry before I can accept your proposal.

**DoctorLisaCuddy **(Cute name BTW), we will at least get a glimpse into who she earned the name Party Pants. If what I'm planning works out the way I'm planning it, this should be a very interesting night (story wise. I think it'll take more than a day for me to write it all)

This is a short chapter, but there will be at least one more coming today, and it is considerably longer, and far more interesting, so stay tuned.

* * *

**Whatever House Wants**

"Would you like a lap dance?" A hot little blonde in a g-string and fishnets tossed a pink feather boa around House's neck and began gyrating her breasts in his face.

"I think I'll pass," House replied, not terribly impressed by what she had to offer.

"Your loss." She pulled the boa off him and walked away disinterestedly.

"What was wrong with that one?" Wilson was getting frustrated. It was the third offer House had turned down.

"She reminded me of Rita." House made a face as he thought of his old girlfriend.

"That's a bad thing?" Rita had been HOT.

"You didn't date her." Rita had turned out to be a psychopath. In the beginning her habit of biting and scratching had been kind of a turn on, but after she drew blood a couple times House realized he was in over his head. After he broke up with her, he actually had to move to avoid being stalked. This stripper had those same crazy eyes.

"No." Wilson sounded disappointed. He thought, despite House's stories, that Rita couldn't have been that bad, and if she was as wild in bed as House said, then maybe it was worth shedding a little blood. He had plenty.

"Remember that weekend? You and Bonnie and me and Rita. That was crazy."

"Yeah." Wilson laughed at the memory. "I didn't know bears could run that fast."

"Cuddy gave me hell for that. I missed three weeks of work while my leg healed."

Wilson thought for a moment. "Your leg was fine."

"Yeah, but Cuddy didn't know that." He laughed.

A dark haired, mocha skinned beauty came over. She was wearing a tight leather vest, leather thong and chaps. House was intrigued by the chaps. "Want a private dance?" She asked, straddling Wilson.

"Want to do it for free?" House asked. She walked away.

"I liked her," Wilson lamented.

"You like them all."

"And you don't?" Wilson laughed. "You really are in love."

"I just have a higher quality threshold than you."

"You never used to." House had dated his share of clunkers. "Remember Kimberly?"

"Nope." House found denial to be lovely this time of year.

"She had a snaggletooth House. You don't just forget about a snaggletooth."

"She was dentally challenged. But she made it work to her advantage," House said suggestively.

"That's…wrong." Wilson tried to shake off the image that popped into his head.

"Ah, now, that is more like it." House pointed up at the stage. A young girl with dirty blonde hair pulled up in pigtails was on stage now in a complete knock off of Britney Spears' school girl outfit. 'Hit me baby, one more time' began to play on the loud speakers.

"She reminds me of Cameron," Wilson said, not entirely turned off by the idea.

"You've got some serious issues." House rolled his eyes and tried to forget that the girl did bear a more than passing resemblance to his former protégé.

Wilson waved her over excitedly. "Hello there."

"Hi," she said, checking them both out. The darker haired man seemed sweet. She wasn't so sure about the other one. She cocked her hip to one side and began fiddling with her pigtail. "Do you want to be my teacher?"

Wilson nodded excitedly.

"How about we go in the back room and you can give me a private lesson?" She really was playing the part, back arched so all the right bits stuck out, she was wrapping one strand of hair around her finger and chewing gum.

"How about we leave and you find some other sucker to con."

She huffed off.

"I'm getting the distinct impression you don't really want to be here." Wilson waited until she'd made the long walk across the room before turning his attentions away from her.

"Gee, what gave it away?"

"This is your night, House, what do you want to do?" Wilson gave up. Every year he bought House the perfect birthday present, and every year House either already bought it a few days before or wasn't into that sort of thing anymore, or all had all sorts of reasons to not like it. House was not an easy man to please.

"I want to spend your money." House smiled.

"Wha..." A slow smile worked its way across Wilson's face as he realized what House wanted. "Atlantic City?"

"Atlantic City," House nodded slowly.

"It's getting late." Wilson looked at his watch. The trip was almost two hours.

"I'm sure your mommy will let you cut curfew. It is a special occasion after all."

"Yes, you're getting married, so it's clearly the end of the world. Get your coat, let's go."

"I wanna stop at IHOP on the way. I want stuffed French toast."

"Whatever you want House, it's your night." Wilson already knew he would live to regret those words.


	24. Party Pants is Back

Cuddy Lets Loose

**Party Pants is Back!**

Cuddy was well fed by the time the ladies rolled into Boogie Nights. "You can't be serious Lo." Cuddy looked around at the neon dance floor and the mass quantities of polyester. "We stand out like a sour thumb."

"You can do a lot with a thumb," Lo said, dragging her friend toward the dance floor. "Come on."

Abba was blasting out over the loud speakers and a mass of people were line dancing across the flashing neon cubes that made up the dance floor. "I don't line dance."

"Come on Party Pants, get your groove on." Lo jumped into the line and started Hustling with the best of them. "Don't you remember doing this dance when we were kids?"

"Yes, I remember." Cuddy cut into the line beside her friend and let the steps wash over her.

"And now I'm sure you all know this one..." the DJ shouted over the din of the crowd as he switched the record, yes, actual records were being used, and a song everybody knew and hated to admit they loved blasted over them.

"Let me here you people," the DJ ordered.

"It's fun to stay at the YYYYYY MMMM CCCCC AAAAA..." dozens of pairs of arms flew up into the air making a dozen different variations of the letters they were singing. Some of the drunken attempts were quite amusing, and Lo and Lisa laughed as they looked around at the crooked, misspelled letters.

"Are you having fun now?" Lo shouted into her friend's ear.

"Yes." Cuddy shouted back.

"Was I right?" Lo shouted again.

"Yes." Cuddy shouted back, and nodded so Lo would get the point.

"Come on, say it." Lo moved closer to her friend. She didn't want to miss a thing.

Cuddy rolled her eyes.

"Come on, you know you want to," Lo teased, tickling Cuddy playfully.

Cuddy slapped her hand away. "You were right Lo. You're always right Lo. You're a genius and I should never doubt you."

"Don't you forget it." Lo grabbed Cuddy's waist from behind, and directed her toward the bar. "And now you owe me a drink."

The music was a little softer at the bar, soft enough that a shout could be downgraded to a loud conversational tone. "I'm not supposed to buy the drinks at my own bachelorette party."

"Who said anything about buying them?" Lo smiled and scanned the bar. Then she shoved Cuddy in the direction of a tall, purposely bald man.

"Excuse me," he said as she crashed into him.

"I'm sorry," Cuddy wiped the bit of drink he'd spilled on her in the collision. "My friend wants me to get you to buy us drinks." She knew Lo was watching but she didn't turn around to see the look on her face.

"Really? And who is your friend?" He smiled at her face, which was refreshing.

"The ditsy blonde over there watching us like a hawk about to devour it's prey." Cuddy motioned toward Lo.

"Is she trying to set us up or is she just looking for free drinks?"

Cuddy laughed. "She wants the free drinks. Though I think she'd be thrilled if you stole me away from my fiancé." She hoped that was smooth enough not to seem obvious.

"Congratulations." He looked at Lo who looked furious, then leaned toward Cuddy conspiratorially. "By why does she want me to steal you away from him? Is she jealous?"

Cuddy laughed rather loudly. "Sorry. No. She hates him."

"Well, if he's in love with you he can't be all bad." It should have sounded like a cheesy pick up line, but he sounded sincere.

"Thank you." She actually blushed. It had been a while since she tried picking a guy up in a bar. Part of her secretly missed it.

"So," he looked at Lo who was still watching curiously then leaned closer to Cuddy's ear. "Should I send her over a glass of soda?"

"Oh, send her a Shirley Temple," Cuddy whispered back. Lo would get a kick out of that.

"I have no idea what that is, but consider it done. And what can I get for you?" He waited for her reply then ordered their drinks. "Long Island Iced Teas are pretty potent. Are you sure you can handle it," he teased.

"I have a wooden leg," she flirted back.

"Sexy." He laughed a hearty, deep laugh.

"I was very popular in college."

"I don't doubt that." The bartender had brought them their drinks and he took a slow sip of his highball. "I'm Damien, by the way."

"Lisa." She smiled charmingly.

"And the ditzy blonde?"

"That's Lo."

"Well, Lo should be here any second now." Damien was watching the bartender hand Lo her Shirley Temple.

"This is from the gentleman over there," he pointed at Damien who gave Lo a little wave.

Lo looked suspiciously in her glass as Damien spun Cuddy's stool around to watch. "She's suspicious."

"She's always suspicious."

"Guilty people usually are." He was talking into her ear. His breath brushed against her hair causing her to shiver slightly. She took a deep breath and thought of House.

Lo was striding in their direction. "What the hell is this?" She slammed the glass on the bar spilling some of the cherry pink liquid.

"It was her idea," Damien was quick to point the finger.

"Damien!" Cuddy playfully hit him while Lo watched with great interest.

"Order me a Cosmo," Lo demanded.

"This is the new millennium, women are allowed to order their own drinks now," Damien replied, mentally assessing this curious woman.

"Get me a Cosmo," Lo ordered the bartender commandingly.

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" Damien had his hand very close to Cuddy's on the bar. Lo looked at her friend to see if she noticed.

"Not at all. So, Damien? What do you do for a living?" Lo's tone with him had become short and snippy. She was interrogating him and he was well aware of it.

"I'm a hired gigolo," he said with all seriousness.

"Really?" Lo thought he was lying, but he seemed so certain.

"Well, it's just as believable as the truth." He was being evasive.

"Which is?" Lo was being persistent.

"Would you believe me if I told you I was in a rock band?" He was standing close behind Cuddy and she could feel every move he made. She thought she should move away, but she didn't want to.

"No."

"Then I'm an accountant."

"Well, no wonder you tell people you're a gigolo." Lo snipped.

"I preferred the rock band," Cuddy added.

"Rock band it is then." His hand slid against her arm as he reached for a napkin. Lo narrowed her eyes as she watched.

"Lisa, did you check in with Greg yet?"

Cuddy felt guilty until she realized Lo was just being bitchy. "He's not my keeper."

"No." Lo turned to Damien. "He's her fiancé. Did she tell you she was engaged?"

"She mentioned it. She also said you didn't like him and wanted me to seduce her away before it was too late."

"She did?" Lo was horrified until she realized that wasn't exactly the case. It was Cuddy nodding that she did that gave it away.

"Lisa, would you care to dance?" Donna Summer was announcing that someone had found the letter he wrote her on the radio.

She followed him, happy to get out from under Lo's watchful eye.

"You're friend is funny," he said, pulling her into his arms.

"She's available." Cuddy was getting nervous about the way he was making her feel and thought that throwing him at her friend might help.

"Alas, like many men, I'm more interested in what I can't have." There was a sad resignation in his voice. He knew she was off limits and wouldn't dare try anything, but he was certainly smitten, and if he happened to find out that she left her fiancé at the alter or that the man died in some tragic accident, he was ashamed to admit he wouldn't hesitate to make a move.

"You sound like House."

He looked at her with a big question mark in his eyes.

"My fiancé."

"You call him House?" Glimmer of light perhaps?

"I've called him that for years. As long as I've known him really. It feels strange calling him anything else."

"Even in the throws of passion?"

"Then I just call him God. He seems fine with that." She smiled up at him. He had a strong face.

"Most men are." He laughed and held her a little tighter. She didn't complain.

Lo walked down the length of the bar, surveying her options. Too short. Too bald. She wrinkled her nose. Smelled funny. "Hello." Next to smelled funny was a worthy contender. "Do you dance?"

"Would you like to?" He had absolutely no game, but she was in a hurry. Damien had just dipped Cuddy and snapped her back up into his arms.

"Come on." Lo tugged the guy onto the dance floor and directed him toward her friend.

"I like forceful women," is what her partner said, not that she was paying any attention to him. "I'm Tom by the way."

"Mmmhmmm," Lo leaned toward Cuddy and Damien.

"...half way through." Damien had just finished telling Cuddy something that must have been hilarious because she threw her head back with laugher.

"Did you stop and ask for directions?" Cuddy was having a nice time. House didn't like to dance, so it had been some time since she'd been in a man's arms on the dance floor. She missed it.

The music was about to pick up. Everyone could feel it. The energy on the dance floor was shifting and people were spreading out to make room for their big disco moves.

"Men never ask for directions," Damien said over the fast beat as he spun around and struck a pose.

"That's why women usually have to fake it." Cuddy tossed her hair back and let loose. She loved to dance. She and Lo used to go out clubbing every night. It was a wonder she made it through high school.

"Do you?"

"What?" She blushed.

"Do you fake it?" Damien liked making her blush. She did it beautifully.

"I have."

"Show me." He said it before he thought about it.

"Here?" She looked terrified.

"If she does," Lo interjected, "then you have to pay for the rest of the night. Drinks, dinner and a hotel room for the night. A nice one."

"Done." Damien smiled.

"Lo!" Cuddy shot her friend a death glare.

"Oh, come on, you don't know anybody here, what are you afraid of?" Damien peer pressured her.

"I'm not afraid." Cuddy never backed away from a dare, and this was most clearly a dare.

"Come on Lisa, let's see what you've got?" Lo checked this Damien guy out once again. He really wasn't that bad, if you liked the bald look. He certainly seemed like fun.

Cuddy took a deep breath. She put her hands on Damien's chest and began to breath heavily. She threw her head back and moaned. Her eyes were closed, so she didn't notice the people around her staring. Damien held on to her waist, worried she might fall over in all the excitement. She started moaning as quietly as she could, then she let out a loud gasp.

Two minutes later they'd been banned from the club.

Cuddy ran out laughing. "I can't believe I did that." She fell against Damien who seemed to have a slightly better time walking and laughing at the same time.

"I can't believe they kicked you out for that." He had been quite impressed by the performance.

"Party Pants is BACK!" Lo shouted it into the night.

"Party Pants?" Damien looked at the women suspiciously.

"You wouldn't know it now, but back in the day, this one was quite the party girl." Lo loved telling stories about the old days.

Damien looked Cuddy over once again. "Yeah, I can see it."

"Stop checking me out." She shoved Damien toward the street, but pulled him back before he lost his balance and fell over the curb.

"Then stop flirting with me." Damien teased.

"I'm not flirting with you. I'm getting married." She was adorably all up in his face.

"That doesn't mean you can't flirt anymore. You just have to...fake it." Damien grinned playfully.

"Would she have to fake it, with you?" Lo asked.

"Not a chance." Damien pulled Cuddy into his arms. He wanted to kiss her very badly, but instead settled for a lingering hug which she happily melted into.

"Why couldn't she meet you twenty years ago," Lo mused.

"Twenty years? I was in prison then. I don't think it would have worked out." Damien smiled.

Lo looked at him curiously. "I'm going to crack you open Mr..." She realized she didn't know his last name.

"I look forward to it." He smiled and let Cuddy drag him down toward the beach.


	25. Party Crashers

**Party Crashers**

Wilson loved Atlantic City. He strutted around like a high roller, nodding at every woman who walked by, handing the ones he was particularly interested in a coin for the slots. It amused House to no end to watch him at work.

"So are we going to actually play, or just strut around?" House saw a poker table with a few empty spots.

"Let's play baby!" Wilson had a little ritual when he sat down for poker. First he put his glass on the coaster. Then put his chips, in order of value, in a neat line from the glass to the edge of the table. Then he took a drink from the glass and checked that the chips weren't in the way of his refreshing beverage. Then he cracked his knuckled. And then he said the words House heard every Tuesday night at 7PM. "Let's do this."

House rolled his eyes, put a mound of chips on the table and took a last swig of his scotch. "I gotta get me more of this." He said and ordered another drink. "Complementary for players, right?"

"Always, sir," Said the Greek goddess serving them.

"As much as I want?"

"As much as you can handle," she replied tactfully.

The dealer passed around the cards and the game began.

House's turn came third and he looked at each player. Mr. Kidney Stones clearly had a pair. Sadly, he didn't realize that they were reflected in his glasses. Poor man. Myocardial Infarction was chasing a straight, but she wasn't going to get it. Pornstache, who was perfectly healthy, was far too cocky not to be bluffing and Bleeding Heart, better known as Wilson had the card Myocardial needed for her straight, but he wasn't going to give it up because he was after four of a kind and someday he might learn to hold his cards so that House couldn't glance over and see them all. You'd think, after years of playing with House, he'd know better.

House looked at the ten of diamonds in his hand. It was the card Wilson needed. He discarded it, along with a three of spades and pulled up two new cards that did nothing for his hand of mismatched orphans. "All in." He said when it was his turn to bet again. If you're going to play, play big.

"I fold," Wilson said sadly. He might not get a chance to grab that ten after all. The rest of the table folded, all except Pornstache. It was a battle of the bad hands.

House ran his thumb up and down the king of clubs he was holding. It was the only card that gave him even a glimmer of a chance of not going home after one game of poker.

The dealer put down the river card and House smiled. It was the ace of hearts, but he smiled anyway. It didn't go with anything in his hand, but his eyes lit up, only briefly; just enough to convince Pornstache that he'd gotten what he wanted.

"Fold." Pornstache threw down his cards in disgust and left the table. House tried to peek at the cards but the dealer swiped them away so quickly he felt a breeze.

The boys moved on to roulette where another Greek Goddess brought them more libations.

Wilson surveyed the table full of black and red numbers. He studied the small silver ball rolling around in the spinning bowl. None of this was giving him a clue where to put his chips, so he went with his birthday.

House, meanwhile, was laying one chip on each of about a dozen numbers.

"You're not going to win that way," an older lady told him, piling all her chips on Odd. "You've got to go with the 50/50 option."

"You play your way, I'll play mine." House looked at his handy work. He'd lined his chips into a big X.

The ball finally came to a rest. "Red, fourteen," the dealer announced.

House turned to the old lady. "Excuse me, I've got to collect my winnings." He leaned obnoxiously in front of her and swept up his three chips. Wilson was trying hard not to laugh. House had a way of making little victories seem monumental.

The old lady left and they got to play alone for a while, then they were joined by what could only be called a femme fatale. "You don't mind if I join you," she purred.

"By all means," House took a step to the side and let her in. He checked out her ass as she leaned across the table. Then he smiled broadly. "I wouldn't bet that much," he warned.

"It's a good thing I'm not you then," she shot back as the ball fell into her slot and she tripled her money.

"Yeah, good thing." House turned to Wilson. "Let's go. This game is stupid." He preferred games of strategy to games of chance. He was a man who liked to think, to read other people, and use what he read against them. Watching a ball spin around in a big bowl wasn't challenging. He couldn't manipulate the ball into doing what he wanted.

"Wanna play the slots?" Wilson looked at the rows and rows of shiny, noisy machines.

"You're not serious are you?" House would never be caught dead shoveling his hard earned money into some bottomless machine.

"It was just a thought."

House's face lit up. "I've got a much better thought."

Wilson followed House's eye and saw the small, discrete sign. "They've opened a burlesque club?"

"Apparently." House made a bee line for the red velvet rope guarding the discrete black door.

"It looks like a private party," Wilson was able to read the sign now that they were up close.

"Please." That had never stopped House before.

"We're not late are we?" House greeted the hostess with a flirtatious smile.

"And you are?" She looked down at a list of names she had.

"The guest of honor," House made a duh face like anyone should have known that.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you are not Mr. Wilde."

"No, I'm not." House smiled while Wilson tried to shrink into the scenery as best he could. "I'm the REAL guest of honor." He turned to Wilson and laughed. "That's Wiley for you; acting like the party's for him."

"Yeah. He's such a card." Wilson wasn't good at improve. House shot him a disgusted look.

"Can I have your name sir?" She wasn't going to fall for him trick that easily.

"Look." House leaned over the small podium she was standing behind. "If I give you my name, then Wiley's going to find out I'm here, and that would ruin the surprise." He winked. "And Wiley loves his surprises."

"Who is Wiley?" She wasn't getting it.

"Oh, that's just my nickname for him. He's Wile E Coyote, and I'm…well, I WAS," House held up his cane," The Road Runner." House snickered as if remembering a private joke.

"And who was he?" She looked over at Wilson.

"I thought that was obvious." No one seemed to find it so, so House explained. "He's the Acme salesman."

She laughed. "Fine, go on in, but don't make a scene, and if anyone asks, I didn't let you in."

"Never saw you before in my life," House said over his shoulder as he walked into the private club.

"Now this was more like it." House looked around the classically appointed cigar bar/burlesque club. The lighting was low and seductive and a pianist played mellow music in the corner. The bar was a great mahogany deal that took up an entire wall.

The room was scattered with small round tables; about two dozen in all. And every table was full. A low din of conversation hung in the air. "Looks like we'll have to sit at the bar," Wilson said.

"And that would be bad why?" It afforded a clear view of the stage and was stocked with alcohol.

"Would you like a drink sir?" Despite being right at the bar, a scantily clad cocktail waitress came over to them. She was in the closest thing to a Playboy bunny outfit she could wear without the club being sued. It was a strapless, corseted, black satin bodysuit with kitty cat ears and a long tail.

"Bowl of milk?" House asked. He didn't get a response. She must get that a lot. "Scotch and soda."

"Gin and tonic," Wilson added to the order.

"One scotch and soda, one gin and tonic, coming right up." She must be new. She didn't seem jaded yet.

The lights went down shortly after their drinks arrived, and House leaned back against the bar, stogy in one hand, drink in the other, and enjoyed the show.


	26. What Happens in Atlantic City

**What Happens in Atlantic City, Stays in Atlantic City**

Cuddy pulled off her shoes and ran into the water. "Come on." She beckoned to Damien who laughed and stood just out of reach.

"Do you know how much this suit costs?"

"If you're so worried about it, take it off." Cuddy challenged him.

Damien wasn't worried about his suit, and he had no idea how much it had cost. He was much more worried about getting burned, which he knew was going to happen at some point.

"Chicken?" Lo bitched.

"Tell you what." He shot a glare at Lo before turning back to Cuddy. "I will plunge naked into this freezing cold water if you do something for me."

"What would I have to do?" Cuddy was intrigued.

"I can't tell you that now," he teased.

"Why not?" She took his hand and tried to pull him towards the water.

"Because if I tell you what it is now, you might not want to do it." Damien was being honest.

"It better not be sex!" Lo hated being put in the position of being the responsible adult, but Cuddy was her friend, and Cuddy needed one night to let loose and not risk losing everything, and it was Lo's job to make sure she stayed on this side of that fine line.

"It's not sex," Damien assured her. "But it's very sexy." He smiled mischievously. "So, are you game? Do you trust me?"

"How do you know I'll keep my end of it?" Cuddy asked innocently.

"I don't." He was willing to take the risk.

Cuddy looked at him, her head cocked to one side. He reminded her so much of House, before the infarction and bitterness had taken over his life. The cockiness, the bravado, the willingness to do anything, those were all part of the House she'd fallen in love with over twenty years ago, and they were all still there, somewhere, in the House she was about to marry.

"You've got yourself a deal. Now get naked and get wet."

"If you insist." Damien shook his head. He had no fear of doing crazy things like this. He enjoyed living on the edge.

With a great flourish, he stripped down to his boxers. They had flames on them. He could see her laughing. "They were a gift."

"From whom?" She wondered what kind of woman would give a man silk flaming boxers. She wondered what House would say if she ever got him a pair.

"My dear old grandmother," he said pulling them down to his ankles.

Now completely naked, Damien ran into the water and sunk down to his shoulders. "Are you satisfied?" He asked, shivering.

"Oh yes."

They heard the familiar squawk of a police car. "Oh shit!" Lo was the first to see the uniformed officer coming down the beach. "RUN!"

Lo ran down the beach as fast as she could. Cuddy swept up Damien's discarded clothes and took off after her, motioning Damien to swim along.

Breathlessly both women stopped after they crossed beneath the pier. They should be safe here. The cop seemed to have given up pursuit and gone for a coffee break. "Where's...Damien?" Lo was huffing and puffing from her uncharacteristic burst of activity.

Cuddy looked around. She was in better shape than her friend, endurancewise, but even she was breathing heavy.

Damien came up behind her, and wrapped one hand around her waist. "Can I have my clothes back please?"

Cuddy spun around in his arms, startled. "Oh." It was him.

"I'm a little chilly, do you mind?" Damien would have much rather had her warm him up, but putting his clothes on was the safer option.

"You don't look cold," Lo said, taking a moment to check him out. Shrinkage had not taken hold of this man.

"Not bad, huh?" He smiled charmingly. He was certainly not ashamed of his body, and the alcohol running through his veins only made him more of an exhibitionist.

"I've seen better," said Lo dismissively. She was rather annoyed that he wasn't spending his time trying to woo her instead of her practically married friend.

"I've seen worse." Cuddy realized she was transfixed and quickly flipped her eyes back to his face. He was grinning at her, which made her blush.

"I hope you don't mean your fiancé." Damien had to make a conscious effort to remember House. He liked her far too much to forget she was engaged.

Cuddy bit her lip and said nothing. She could feel the flush rising to her cheeks and hoped no one noticed in the dark moonlight. House was quite well endowed, but...

"Aren't you going to get dressed now?" Cuddy really needed him to cover that thing up.

"I'm all wet." Damien looked down at his muscular body, still dripping with sea water.

"You're not the only one." Lo was looking at her friend, but she couldn't exclude herself from that accusation. Cuddy shot her a death glare.

Damien sat down in the sand, leaning back on his elbows.

"You're ass is going to get all sandy," Lo warned.

"Well, you'll just have to wipe it off for me, won't you?" He shot back.

Lo didn't at all mind the idea of smacking that tight little ass till all the sand came out, but she knew he'd much rather have Cuddy do it, and that was kind of a buzz kill.

Cuddy sat down beside him, far less concerned about the sand. "Lo, find us something to drink, would you?" she called back to her friend. Lo wasn't stupid, she knew Cuddy wanted to be alone with this guy, but she wasn't stupid enough to let her be.

"Only if you come with me."

Cuddy sighed. "I'm not going to do anything stupid while you're gone Lo."

"Are you sure about that Lisa?" Lo wasn't. Lo had known Lisa Cuddy on and off for years, and though they had been apart during Cuddy's first affair with House, Lo had heard the stories. She knew of the sexy daredevil who challenged her and looked at her much the way Damien was doing now.

"GO!" Cuddy commanded. One thing about Cuddy. When she finally decided to put her foot down, she smashed it down so hard it shook the earth.

"Fine," Lo said, knowing this was one of those times.

"She means well," Damien said as Lo trudged up the hill of sand.

"I know."

"She doesn't want me to take advantage of you," he said, looking at her.

"I know." She looked back and once again was distracted by his bare skin. "Would you put some clothes on?"

"Still wet," was his excuse not to.

"At least cover that thing up." She tossed his boxers over his penis so it would stop hypnotizing her.

"Sorry." It was his turn to blush.

She fell silent, staring out into the ocean, listening to the waves as they crashed on the shore, and quite aware that her friend was a few feet away, hiding behind the lifeguard station and watching her every move.

"When is the wedding?" Damien once again had to remind himself she was engaged.

"What?" She'd been lost in thought. Remembering House as she'd first met him. He would have laid there naked in the sand, teasing her, only he would have taken her hand, and slid it over his cock and..."Oh, the wedding. It's next month."

"Not really enough time for me to lure you away from him then?" He knew it wasn't.

"No." She laughed. He was really doing wonders for her ego.

"This House is one very lucky man." She looked beautiful in the moonlight.

"He wouldn't think so." House would never admit to being lucky or happy or anything good. He never could.

"Well, if you ever get sick of him, come and find me."

"Will you still be laying here on the beach?"

"If it will help." His smile lit up the night.

Cuddy placed her hand on his chest. It was smooth and she could feel the muscles rippling beneath her touch. She ran her hand slowly over his skin, feeling the tingling feeling she loved so much. "I think you're dry now," she said, pulling her hand away before it was too late.

"Oh, I beg to differ," he said suggestively.

"Put your clothes on, before Lo calls the police to arrest you."

"She would, wouldn't she?" He got up and wiped the sand off his ass. He would love to have asked her, but she might actually take him up on it, and he didn't think he could handle that.

"She would." Cuddy smiled as she watched him get dressed. "You can come out now Lo. The sex is over now."

"I'm sick of being the responsible one." Lo helped pull Cuddy to her feet.

"Well, you're just going to have to suck it up, because I'm here to have a good time." Cuddy put her arm around Damien's neck and let him lead her off the beach. "So Damien, what should we do next?"

"It's a surprise." Damien led the two women back up to the Boardwalk.


	27. Pastiche

**Pastiche**

Damien walked up to the door with one woman on each arm. He felt like a total player.

"Hello Mr. Wilde." The hostess greeted them eagerly. Damien Wilde was the far better looking brother of Devlin Wilde, who owned half of Atlantic City, the half Donald Trump didn't own, or, as he liked to call it, the better half.

"Your last name is Wilde?" Cuddy tried not to laugh.

"How cliché," Lo snotted jokingly.

"I didn't pick it. I only live it." Damien nodded familiarly at the hostess.

Lo caught a glimpse of the elegant but suggestive sign on a small tripod by the door. "This is a burlesque club."

"Yes." Damien's eyes twinkled mischievously.

"You think I'm going to strip for you?" Cuddy asked playfully.

"I stripped for you," Damien played back.

"That's not the same," Lo interjected. Damien hadn't had an audience.

"You can always say no." Damien was looking at Cuddy, trying to read her expression.

"Do I seem like the kind of woman to back down from a promise?" Cuddy swaggered into the club.

"Ah, but you didn't promise," Damien followed her in and put an arm around her waist.

The small club was packed and herds of people milled around chatting excitedly. Everyone knew everyone and there was a lot of kissing and hugging and laughter filling the room.

"He's got a point." Lo had no intention of backing down. She'd done burlesque one summer in Paris and would love to do it again, but she liked testing her best friend.

"You think I won't do it." Cuddy was shocked at her friend. Lo should know her better than that.

"There'll be a lot of people watching." Damien warned teasingly.

"Afraid I'll embarrass you?" Cuddy got up in his face. It was adorable.

"It's not me I'm worried about." Okay, it was a little, but she didn't need to know that.

"Don't worry about me." Cuddy knew how to handle herself.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He got the distinct impression she could more than adequately take care of herself.

"Do we get costumes?" Lo interrupted their longing gaze.

"Well, of course you get costumes." Damien sparkled. "What would a burlesque show be without costumes?"

"A hell of a lot less fun," Lo answered.

"Indeed." Damien introduced the two ladies to Dolly the stage manager then left them in her capable hands.

House and Wilson were doing their best to blend in. "Wilde throws a hell of a party, huh?" Wilson was trying to chat up the girl next to him.

"He's got more money than God." She sounded impressed.

"Yeah, well, I'm a doctor. We don't get paid that much, but it's really not about the money when you're saving lives." Wilson hit himself in the head internally while House laughed at his unsmooth moves.

"What kind of doctor?" Maybe they weren't so unsmooth after all. She had put her glass down very close to his, which everyone who was anyone knew was a sign of interest.

"Oncology." Wilson leaned toward her. "What do you do?"

"I'm a showgirl here at the casino." She looked like she could be. Smokin' bod and way too much makeup.

"Wow." Wilson was impressed. He'd always wanted to know a showgirl.

"Wow doesn't even begin to describe it," House said with mock embarrassment.

House finally turned away when Wilson started talking about how hard it was for him to meet women since his divorce. Anything was better than listening to that sob story, again.

"You're friend there doesn't stand a chance," said a very well dressed man holding a glass of what looked like bourbon.

"That won't stop him from trying." House had to give his friend credit for his tenacity.

"You a friend of our host?" The man was being oddly evasive, but House hadn't noticed.

"Yeah. Me and Wilde go way back." Most people weren't brave enough to challenge a bold faced lie.

"Interesting." The man had a knowing grin on his face.

House suddenly realized who he must be talking to. "Don't you remember? We met in college." Leave it to him to strike up a conversation with the one man he was pretending to know.

Wilde laughed. "Yes, of course. You will forgive me. I seem to have forgotten your name."

"It's Road Runner." House grinned proudly.

"Damien Wilde." Damien held out his hand. "Welcome to my party."

The show had begun, and the three men turned their attention to the stage. A petite blonde came out dressed very much like Marilyn Monroe. She did a pretty good rendition of Monroe's famous Happy Birthday Mr. President song, while slowly removing each of her long pink gloves and unzipping her long pink dress.

"It's your birthday?" This was one hell of a birthday party.

"Thirty eight today."

"Happy Birthday," Wilson said happily. He loved birthdays.

"Yeah," House said with far less enthusiasm.

"Not a fan, huh?" Damien took another slow sip of his bourbon.

"I don't understand the point of celebrating the slow march towards the grave." House spoke without taking his eyes off the stage.

"What about celebrating the fact that you survived another year in this crazy, cutthroat jungle?" Wilde was a slightly more optimistic man.

House appreciated the sentiment. "I'll drink to that." He drained his glass and ordered another. Open bar parties were his favorite kind.

"I have a feeling you'll drink to most anything." Damien drained his own glass and ordered another.

"I'll drink to that," House said, taking a long swig of scotch.

"You are a very bold man, Road Runner." Damien took his drink from the bartender. "Now, if you'll both excuse me, I'd better get up there." The blonde was finishing up her song, and beckoning him to come on stage.

The tall, well built man took the stage and owned it. All eyes were on him as he spoke. "You know I hate giving speeches," the crowd let out a collective groan. "What? I do, so I'm going to keep this one short and sweet." Applause erupted amongst his friends. "Welcome to the thirty eighth year of my life." The applause was now thunderous as everyone thought he had actually kept his word and made this speech short and sweet, but he didn't. "Now…" his voice was low and strong and got everyone's attention. The microphone probably helped though. "As those of you sober enough to pay attention are aware, we are in my brother's newest venture, Pastiche, a burlesque house in the most classic tradition. A little bit of comedy, a little bit of music and a whole lot of hot women." The audience cheered, but Damien was rolling his eyes. He turned to his brother. "Remember, Devlin; that was a PAID endorsement, not a freebee." Devlin nodded. "Now sit back, relax and enjoy the show." Damien finally got off stage and took his seat of honor in the front row.


	28. The Art of Burlesque

"You are a diabolical genius." awe, **Addicted1**, you say the sweetest things. :)

No worries, **glicine**, I figured this storyline wouldn't be to everyone's tastes, but there is a reason for it, I promise. Just remember that House is far from a saint, even if he has been behaving himself this one particular night. So you don't need to feel too sorry for him. ;)

"oh !! will house be pissed shes dancing for another man or will he not m ?" The million dollar question. Stay tuned to find out.

**

* * *

****The Art of Burlesque**

The lights went out completely. A series of surprised gasps rippled across the room as a candle flickered in the darkness on stage and the gentle tinkling of a piano silenced the room. Everyone waited in expectation, and then suddenly the room burst into light and sound as the heavy beating of drums seemed to be coming from all corners of the room.

Everyone looked around in awe, trying to figure out what would happen next. Heads spun, wanting to be the first to catch the next surprise. When the music lulled into the melody of the song, a delicate voice cut through it and a tall, dramatic figure slowly made her way through the maze of tables, singing one of Damien's favorite songs.

House watched, intrigued by the theatricality of it all. He squinted and leaned in for a closer look as the mysterious woman grew closer. Was that...it couldn't be. "She's a man."

"No way!" Wilson refused to believe anyone whose balls had dropped could sing in that octave.

"Adams apple," House declared.

Wilson looked at the woman's throat and lo and behold, there it was, bobbing up and down with each note. "I don't believe it."

"That doesn't make it any less true." This was going to be a very interesting party.

After Madame Evanesca finished two songs, she took her bows amidst a standing ovation, blew Damien a kiss, and wafted off stage.

Devlin was acting as the Master of Ceremonies, and he clamored up on stage to announce the next act. "What a way to start things off, huh? Let's hear it for Evanesca," who's real name, incidentally, was Evan Hanson, who worked in pharmaceutical sales by day and was a torch singer specializing in music by his favorite band, Evanescence by night.

The crowd had already been clapping, but their applause thundered up once more as Evanesca came out for one more bow.

"Now that this party has officially begun, let's get some dancing girls out here." Devlin stepped off the stage as a row Vegas showgirls paraded out in green army men outfits, the bottom of which was a green thong, the top of which was nothing but green paint. The war dance they did was oddly erotic, and not something House would refuse to see again.

"That was odd." Wilson was scratching his head at that one, though he had to admit it was a good kind of odd.

"Indeed," House nodded, waiting to see what happened next.

What happened next was a juggling act with a lot of flames and really pointy things. It was clearly a comedic juggling act, as House discovered when the young man juggling pretended he'd cut his bits off with a sword and blood spewed forth.

Everyone roared with laughter as the fake blood splattered all over the front row of tables and people shrieked and ducked, but didn't really manage to get away from the line of fire.

"Our next act," began Devlin as he came up on stage, wiping bits of cherry flavored blood from his suit, "is here for one night only by special request from my dear, OLD brother." Devlin was actually the older of the two siblings, but he still enjoyed poking at his little brother every year, claiming that he was going to catch up with him someday. "Do you want to introduce them Damien?" The audience groaned and yelled for him to keep quiet. Damien loved the sound of his own voice.

Damien stood up and got a napkin thrown at the side of his head. It was followed by a couple breadcrumbs and one of those tiny little straws they put in mixed drinks. "Okay, okay, I can take a hint," he laughed tossing the straw back at the distinguished looking gentleman in the three piece suit who had thrown it at him.

"I hope someone caught that on video. This truly is an historic occasion. You have just witnessed Damien Wilde's shortest speech ever." Everyone laughed.

"Yeah, yeah, just get on with the show before I change my mind."

"And without further ado, here they are." Cuddy and Lo didn't want to use their real names, just in case, but they couldn't decide on a stage name, so they told Devlin to wing it. He wasn't very good at winging it.

Dramatic music filled the air as a red light radiated the stage. Devlin hurried back to his chair, nearly falling off the stage in the darkness.

A man dressed in a loose fitting but expensive looking pinstriped suit strolled onto the stage. A hat was cocked low on his head obscuring his face. He was whistling and swinging a pocket watch around on a long chain.

A streetlamp lit up with the blinking of a seedy neighborhood, and beneath it was Cuddy, dressed in a white peasant blouse and full red skirt. A black corset held it all together. She was leaning against the lamp post, one hip cocked out to the side. She caught sight of the man in the fancy suit and began to give him the eye.

The audience waited silently as this little drama played out. The suited man sauntered up to the hooker and pantomimed a request for her services. She put her hand on his shoulder and slowly walked around him, her hand lingering across his body as she went.

He took her by the wrist and pulled her tightly against him. Together they moved as one, hips swaying sensually to the music.

"Isn't that Cuddy?" Wilson's mouth hung open in shock.

"Yeah." House blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

"What's she doing here?" Wilson asked, not sure if he should be watching this or not.

"Dancing?" House said with a bit of a shrug, not sure what Cuddy was doing in Atlantic City, let alone on the stage at a private burlesque show. Lo told him they were going to the local Chippendales with her sister.

"Uh..." Wilson didn't know what else to say, so he just watched.

Cuddy tried to get away from the man by twirling out of his grasp, but he had hold of her skirt and it unfurled as she made one long graceful turn away from him. The crowd loved it as she was now in black panties, garter and stockings. "Woo Hoo!" Came the shouts from the audience.

Cuddy came running back toward the stranger in the hat and gave him a shove. With carefully planed movement, the hat went tumbling off, and a cascade of blonde hair fell down Lo's back. The crowd gasped as the beautiful woman tore open her jacket and slid it off.

Cuddy held her hand over her face in exaggerated shock as Lo reached out and grabbed her hand, then pulled her back in again.

Their two bodies crashed together and the crowd roared.

"It's Lo!" Wilson felt himself getting excited and tried to adjust his jacket to hid the effect.

"It is." House had a huge smile on his face. Cuddy knew that girl on girl was a secret fantasy of his, and though Lo wouldn't have been his first choice to play girl number two, she wasn't exactly a troll. So long as she kept her mouth shut.

"Aren't you going to stop them?" Wilson wasn't sure if he should look away or not, but he didn't.

"Not yet." House slid off his stool and discreetly hid in a dark corner close to the stage. He didn't want her to see him until he knew what she was up to. That didn't stop him from pulling out his cell phone though.

"What are you doing?"

"Blackmail," he told Wilson as he snapped a few pictures.

Cuddy lifted her leg and Lo grabbed it. She slid her hand along the bottom of Cuddy's thigh and simply smiled at the warning look her friend was giving her. Cuddy had agreed to this little lesbian tango thing on the single demand that Lo not take advantage of it. She should have known better.

Lo's other hand was slipping around Cuddy's neck. She then lowered the raven haired beauty down into a deep dip, circling her around before bringing her back up to meet Lo's lips. For a split second Cuddy worried her friend might kiss her, but Lo just let their lips brush gently before pushing her away again.

"Oh god that's sexy," Wilson blurted.

"You better not be having dirty thoughts about my fiancé," House warned playfully.

The two women continued their dance, Cuddy pulling away, Lo pulling her back. Lo could see her friend mumbling something about revenge, but ignored it. The dance had been Lo's idea. She took the man's role because she knew all the steps and would have to lead Cuddy through the tango. So far it was working beautifully.

With sudden force, Lo pushed Cuddy away and she went collapsing harshly to the ground. They'd had to rehearse that one several times backstage, and Lo had quite enjoyed it. Cuddy not so much.

The dance ended when Lo fell on top of Cuddy, her warm breath grazing Cuddy's bare stomach as she slid over her. House was practically salivating, Wilson was a bright crimson, and the audience was on its feet. Damien was grinning from ear to ear as Cuddy gave him a wink and a smile. His grin only widened when Lo gave her friend a pat on the ass as they walked off the stage.

Cuddy turned on Lo quickly. "Don't you ever touch my ass again. Understood?"

Lo moved very quickly when she wanted to. She reached around and gave her friend a nice little pinch. "No."

"I'd pinch you back, but you'd probably like it." Cuddy crinkled up her face in a mad face kind of look.

"You won't know if you don't try." Lo smiled then jumped as she felt two fingers clamp down on the fleshiest part of her ass. "What?" She spun around to see Damien smiling at her.

"Now we know." He pushed past her and put his arms around Cuddy. "You were amazing."

"I was a nervous wreck."

"Couldn't tell."

"That's because no one was looking at her face," Lo informed him.

"True." Damien kissed the top of Cuddy's head. "Unfortunately you probably want to get changed. Meet me by the bar when you're done." He left with a sigh.

"You, girl, are playing with fire," Lo told her friend as they shared a dressing room.

"I know."

"Are you going to tell Greg about tonight?"

"Of course." Cuddy didn't need to think about it. She did not want to start their life together with secrets looming over them. That would be far worse than anything she had done tonight.

"Even the dance?" Lo was pushing buttons again.

"Especially the dance." Cuddy smiled. "It's House's fantasy to see me with another woman." Pity he wasn't there to see it. He was going to be furious that he missed out.

"Really?" Lo brightened up.

"Forget it Lo." Cuddy had to draw the line somewhere.

"Never in a million years." Lo knew it was a lost cause, but she did love to tease her friend about her girl crush on her. Actually, she liked to tease Cuddy about a lot of things. It was fun to watch her usually with it and together best friend get all flustered. It was House's only redeeming quality, as far as Lo was concerned. He could get Cuddy flustered even better than she could.


	29. The Life of the After Party

The Life of the After Party

**The Life of the After Party**

House had warned Wilson not to move, so Wilson sat and watched as the burlesque club was swiftly turned into a dance club. The small, fashionable club tables vanished amidst a swarm of black clad men while behind the red curtain of the stage a DJ booth was being set up.

"Here, put this on." House was back. Wilson knew this because he'd just shoved a baseball cap into his lap.

"What?"

"Just put it on." House, wearing a tweed golf cap at a jaunty angle over his right eye had his eyes glued to the stage door.

"Why?" Wilson questioned while doing as he was told and placing the cap on his head. "It's a Yankees cap." Wilson had looked at it to make sure it wasn't some clever joke hat House had made for him. "You hate the Yankees."

"Yes. And she knows that, so she won't suspect anything."

It suddenly clicked in Wilson's brain. "You want to spy on her?"

House looked incredulously at his friend. "Well duh." What man wouldn't love the opportunity to watch the woman he loved when she thought he wasn't around?

"You can't do that." Wilson picked up the newspaper someone had left on the bar, and opened it up over his face. "That's wrong on so many levels."

"Is that supposed to stop me?" House chuckled.

"What if you get caught?" Wilson was in full on panic mode.

"What if? She's not going to call the wedding off or she would have done it by now."

"Have you never heard of the straw that..." Wilson stopped when House grabbed the paper and ducked behind it.

"There she is." He peeked his tweed head around the edge of the paper, trying to look casual.

Wilson shook his head. "Really subtle House. She'll never be suspicious of the two guys hiding behind the newspaper. Besides, how many men here do you think have a cane with flames at the bottom."

"Crap!" House grabbed his cane and tossed it to the bartender. "Hold on to that for me."

The bartender, one of Damien's many friends, smirked and hid the cane behind the bar. "Which one is she?" He asked, amused.

"That one," Wilson said, pointing to Cuddy.

"Nice." He went back to washing the glasses.

Damien gave Cuddy a kiss on the cheek. "Beautiful," he said, taking a nice long look at her.

Lo cleared her throat.

"You look beautiful as well," he teased.

"What happened here?" Cuddy looked around. The club had most definitely changed since she vanished into the dressing room.

"I did a little redecorating," Devlin said, coming up behind his brother. "I hope you like it."

"This is more like it." Lo took Devlin's hand and led him out to the dance floor. Cuddy and Damien followed.

"What's she doing with him?" Wilson was really talking about the bearded man who was dancing with Lo, but he could just as easily have meant Cuddy's date.

"It's Wiley," House mused. What was Cuddy doing dancing with the birthday boy himself? Was he an old flame?

"What are you going to do?" Wilson wanted action. "Oh God! He's grabbing her ass!" Wilson wanted to be grabbing Lo's ass, not letting some billionaire casino gigolo do it.

"I think I'm in the mood to dance." House drained his current glass of bourbon, recommended to him by his new best friend Fred the bartender, then took a deep breath.

It was a long walk across the dance floor. He had no idea what kind of noise the DJ was playing, but it was giving him a headache. Cuddy didn't seem to mind. He stopped for a moment and watched her. She was having fun, dancing and laughing. He hadn't seen her this free in a long, long time.

He used to warn her that she partied too much. There wasn't a single party at college that she would turn down, and she was popular, so popular. Why she liked him he could never figure out. He assumed she was using him for his brain, sex for tutoring, which was fine by him. She was great in bed, even then, and he knew everything she wanted to learn. But he kept telling her she had to stop partying.

He nicknamed her Party Pants. She hated the name, but he gave it to her and years later, he discovered she was using it as her password. The thought made him smile.

"What are you doing?" Wilson was by his side.

House was grinning like a fool. He was remembering the first time they'd danced together. It was a night quite like this. She was dancing with some frat boy named Chad. House was seething with jealousy.

"You shouldn't let him grab your ass like that." House pushed Chad out of the way and pulled her into his arms for some dirty dancing. No one would know it now, but he was quite the dancer back then.

"Greg!" She was surprised to see him there. The parties were usually students only. House was an intern, and her tutor, and her lover.

"Hello Lisa." House brushed the hair off her shoulder and kissed her neck. She had long curly hair back then. She claimed to hate it, but he loved it, the way it fell down her back, the way he could wrap his fingers in it when he made love to her.

"Are you just going to let him dance with her?" Back in the present Wilson was as nagging as ever.

"No." House had been energized by the memory of dancing with her. It had been years since he'd held her in his arms and let the music take them away.

He walked over to where Cuddy was being fondled by Damien. "I believe that ass belongs to me."

"House!" Cuddy spun around and nearly toppled over.

"This is Dr. House?" Damien was unfazed. He took his hands off Cuddy and held one out to shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Really?" House was taken aback. He'd expected more guilt.

"Yes. Lisa's been talking about you all night. I feel as though we're old friends." Damien looked like he'd just remembered something really important. "Oh, wait, we are. It's Road Runner, isn't it?"

"Road Runner?" Cuddy was confused. "You two know each other?" She thought she'd figured something out. "House, did you hire him to try to seduce me?"

House thought about lying. What could he learn from it? "Yeah. Did he succeed?"

"No he didn't." Damien sounded only mildly disappointed.

"That's it, you're not getting paid now." Damn. House kinda liked the guy.

Damien laughed. "I believe you wanted to grab your fiancé's ass so I'll leave you to it." He excused himself and headed fort he DJ stand. A moment later the music changed to a slow dance.

Cuddy smiled at House. She was a bit light headed, and in no mood to fight, so she put her arms around his neck and leaned against him. "Dance with me House," she purred into his ear.

He really wanted to. He felt her head lean against his shoulder, felt her body press against his and his hands wrapped automatically around her waist. He was going to have to have words with them later. He was supposed to be yelling at her, not holding her in his arms and swaying to the music.

"What are you doing here?" Cuddy whispered against his neck.

"I came to dance with my cheating fiancé." He really wanted to be mad, but she was so warm, and so close.

"I'm not cheating on you House." She loved the way he smelled and inhaled him deeply.

"So who's he?" House was trying hard to stay rigid, to not give in to the low lighting and the soft music.

"Just a friend." Cuddy didn't want to talk about Damien right now. She just wanted to be with her fiancé.

"What kind of friend?"

"The kind I'm not sleeping with." The kind who would do anything for her.

"Good." House didn't want to argue. He just wanted to hold her. "I miss dancing with you," he said, not realizing it was out loud.

"Oh House," she squeezed him tightly. She got up on her toes and kissed him. She didn't hesitate, she just pressed her lips tightly against his, tasting the alcohol on his breath, mingling with his own sweet taste.

After a long, lingering kiss admired by everyone around them, Cuddy fell back down to her heels. "There's an all night chapel just down the road." She wanted to be Mrs. House right now.

"No. You're going to get the wedding you want." He wanted that for her. She asked so little of him, outside of work that is. It was the least he could do. "But don't think you're off the hook."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you are going to pay for flirting with that guy." If Damien had been some balding, fat loser, that would have been one thing, but she was flirting with a filthy rich Greek God. That could not go unpunished.

"What do you mean pay?" She was glad he was teasing her. When he was really mad, well, he'd only been that mad at her once, and she never wanted to go through that again.

"I don't know yet. But I'll think of something." He smiled. Maybe marriage wouldn't ruin everything. Maybe, just maybe, they would be one of those rare couples who made it work.

He pulled her closer even though the music had changed, and swayed rhythmically to his own music. He never ever wanted to let her go.


	30. The Twenty Sixth Floor

**Metaphoric.Love**, now that we're hitched, pay close attention to the following chapters. I have very specific needs. ;)

**Milena Barbosa****,** the night is FAR from over.

**HuntingPeace**, total reality check for our dear Housey. He's never fully appreciated Cuddy's dedication to him, and I think now he might.

**aryani**, just a few more chapters and it will be wedding time. And I think most of you will really appreciate the few more chapters.

But enough chit chat. Let's get back to the story.

* * *

**The Twenty Sixth Floor**

Damien made himself scarce until the end of the night when he came over to the bar where House and Cuddy had come to rest. Wilson and Lo were still dancing, much to Wilson's dismay and House's utter amusement.

"You'd think he'd have SOME rhythm." House joked as he watched Wilson wiggling around on the dance floor.

"Why?" Cuddy had never assumed Wilson had rhythm. She'd actually never gave it any thought, but now that she did she couldn't think of any reason to assume he'd have any.

"Don't you Jews have natural rhythm?" House teased.

"You wouldn't say that if you ever saw my sister dance." Cuddy laughed, but then looked panicked. "She is going to kill me."

"Why, this time?" House didn't bother with proper grammar. That had left him about three or for shots ago.

"She came down from Chicago for my bachelorette party."

House looked around quickly in fear. "Where is she?"

"I have no idea." Cuddy called out to Lo, one of about a dozen people still at the club. "Where's Lydia?"

Lo blew a strand of hair out of her face and looked over at her friend. "Probably crying on the phone to your mother."

Cuddy laughed. "Yes. They're probably having a nice long conversation about what an utter failure I am at life."

"You are not a failure." Damien had come up behind her, and his familiar voice startled her. She looked at House nervously but he just eyed the man cautiously. "Everyone can't stop talking about your little performance, yours and Lo's. You two are quite a hit." He ordered a Seven and Seven. "My brother is very disappointed that you're not looking for work."

"Who says she isn't?" House thought about his wife the burlesque dancer and it kind of turned him on. All those guys wanting her, and her coming home to him every night. He would totally be the man.

"I'm not," Cuddy informed them both.

"Pity," Damien said, looking out at the dance floor. "So, are those two a couple as well?"

"Why? You interested in Lo?" House was hopeful.

"No."

"Wilson?" House was even more hopeful.

Damien laughed. "Well, I do like brunettes, but I'm a bit of an ass man, and his is a tad flat for my taste."

"Mine too." House really liked this guy.

"I'd better leave you two to whatever deviant activities you folks do up in Princeton." He smiled and took Cuddy's hand. "But I have a little wedding gift for you, since I probably won't see you again." He slipped something into her hand then kissed the top of it gently. "I wish you both all the happiness in the world. Oh, and Dr. House. I hate your guts." He smiled as he said it and House understood what he meant. If Cuddy had been his fiancé, House would hate him too.

Cuddy watched him go.

"Well? What is it? What did he give you?" He grabbed her hand and pried it open for her. There was a key, with a big red heart on it and a room number. "He got you a room?"

Cuddy inspected the key more closely and smiled. "Not just a room House. This is for the Honeymoon Suite."

House's face lit up. He faked a huge yawn. "Oh, I'm tired. How about you? We should really get to bed."

"What about Lo and Wilson." Lo and Wilson had finally stopped dancing and were coming over. Damien stopped them and exchanged some words before giving Lo a kiss on the cheek, which she returned with an ass grab, then left the now dying party.

Wilson was holding a key. "He got us a room."

"Two rooms," Lo announced, holding up her own key.

"Yeah, but we don't need them both, do we?" Wilson had his fingers crossed.

"Oh, what the hell." She had been trying to resist him, but James Wilson was one persistent little bugger, and she was clearly not getting into Damien's hot, perfectly sculpted pants, or anyone else's for that matter, so Wilson would have to do.

"Yes!" Wilson said behind her back as she led him to the lobby. House and Cuddy laughed as he pumped his fist in the air.

"Glad I'm not that desperate," House said mockingly.

"Oh, but you are." Cuddy had slid off her stool and was pulling him slowly off of his.

"Am not." He pouted. "And I'm mad at you, so don't think you can try to seduce me out of it." He crossed his arms.

"But I can." She smiled and slid her hand between his legs. "Very easily." House felt the affect immediately.

"You bitch," he said as he felt himself growing.

"You bastard," she said, pulling him successfully off his stool this time. "Come upstairs and punish me for being such a bad girl."

House's eyes grew the size of his dick, another words, HUGE. Was she...did she..."Really?"

She nodded slowly. She was feeling so warm and fuzzy and horny. Her head was swimming in booze, and her body wanted him badly. "You can't let me get away with flirting with the sexy, hot, rich hunk of..."

"Yeah, yeah, I get the picture. Come on." He practically dragged her to the lift and banged on the twenty sixth floor button repeatedly until it succumbed to his will and took him to the Honeymoon Suite.

They were alone in the lift, and House felt her standing so close to him. He breathed in her scent and felt the heat coming off her. One hand slipped carefully up her short skirt and he felt her shiver. "You should wear mini skirts more often. You've got great legs." And he should know, because his fingers were gliding up and down her smooth thigh.

"Thank you." She was blushing slightly as she looked up at small pinprick of light that indicated the camera. She wondered if Damien was watching them. The idea of that turned her on so she pressed back against House and leaned her head back.

"Oh. You like being fondled..." House looked into the direction she'd been looking. "Oh, you think your boyfriend might be watching?" The thought was causing a rise in House's trousers. He'd show Damien who Cuddy really belonged to.

With one hand still up her skirt, he used the other to push the emergency stop button.

"What are you doing?" Cuddy was momentarily jolted out of her fantasy as the lift shuttered to a halt.

"I'm going to take you right here in this elevator." He turned her to face him. She was looking up into his eyes and he knew she was game.

He pushed her up against the wall. There was a small railing used for, well, he wasn't sure what it's purpose was normally, but he used it to prop her up. Even though the alcohol had made the pain in his leg a hazy afterthought, part of his muscle was still missing and he wasn't strong enough to hold her up himself.

Cuddy cried out as she felt the cold steel against her bottom. She felt House fumbling with the front of her panties, fighting to give his fingers access to her fortress. She didn't make it easy for him, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling him close against her, trapping his poor, fumbling hand between them.

House didn't mind, because the fabric of her panties was so light it was practically a wisp of air, and he could feel her silky curls through it. He had just enough room to run the back of his finger up and down against her.

Cuddy groaned as her hands slid under his always untucked shirt. "Take me now," she whispered, wanting him badly. The time she had spent with Damien had only made her want House more. She felt slightly guilty at using him that way, but Damien knew, she had never led him on, he knew she would end up in House's arms if not tonight, then certainly tomorrow. He had accepted it, which was why she felt safe to push the limits with him. She knew he wouldn't cross that line.

But she was crossing it now, with House. He had pulled away from her, but only long enough to unzip his fly and pull his manhood out through his boxers. He always wore boxers. Something to do with freedom and not wanting the boys to feel trapped. She had laughed the first time he explained it to her. Of course he was only twenty three then and not quite as eloquent as he was now.

She pulled the shirt up over his head. She no longer heard the ringing of the alarm bell. She wasn't thinking about the fire brigade coming to rescue them. She was positive Damien was watching, and if he was, he wouldn't let anyone barge in on them.

House slid himself pasted that delicate fabric, threatening to tear it as he thrust himself inside her. She cried out, banging her head on the wall as she flailed back in ecstasy. House tried not to laugh.

Her legs tightened around him, high on his waist. He had slipped his arms beneath her knees and was pulling her body up. She had to hang onto the railing to keep from falling down as he banged hard against her.

"Harder...harder..." she wanted him to make her cum now. "Oh God!" She felt her whole body start to tingle. "Don't...stop..."

"Hadn't...planned...to..." he felt the sweat dripping down his neck and back. He felt her tightening around him, her muscles contracting in a way that could only mean one thing...

"OH...GOD...YES...YEEEESSSSS..." Her knuckles were white from gripping the railing. Her hair was plastered to the side of her sweaty face and she arched her body in a way he would have bet was impossible before tonight, as his seed rushed into her.

House let her go. He was too weak to hold her up any longer. Her legs ached and shook as they once again supported her. He looked around for the shirt she had torn off him. Thankfully it was still in one peice. It was his Monterey Pops tee shirt, and was a collectors item. She would have been in big trouble if she'd ruined that.

Cuddy slid off her panties. They were damp and uncomfortable.

"What are you doing with those?" House looked at her as his shirt fell down over his body once more.

"I was just..."

"I'll hold them." He took them from her hand and shoved them in his pocket. There was something so unbelievably sexy about keeping a woman's panties in your pocket. So much so that before they were even dating, he'd broken into her house, strictly for diagnostic reasons, and stolen a red thong. He was going to blame Chase if she ever said anything about them, but she never did.

"Suit yourself." The idea was kind of disgusting to her, but whatever turned him on.

House pushed the button to get the lift moving again. "Do you think your boyfriend enjoyed the show?"

Cuddy blushed. Now that she was basking in the afterglow, her mind more focused now that it had gotten what it wanted, she realized that Damien wasn't the only person who could have been watching. "I don't believe we just did that."

"I do." He put his arm around her waist and led her out the door onto the twenty sixth floor.


	31. The Honeymoon Suite

WARNING: Really hot, sweaty Adult Content Ahead

**The Honeymoon Suite**

Cuddy dropped the key twice before managing to slip it into the slot and get the green light. She pushed open the door and stumbled in with House wrapped around her waist. "Don't push," she pushed him back and he fell against the back of the door.

"Ooh, forceful, I like that." House grabbed her and kissed her passionately.

"Let's at least see the room before..."

"Before what?" He asked, his eyebrows wiggling.

She rolled her eyes and switched on the light.

"Wow!" House looked around in awe. They were in the living room portion of the suite. There was a grand piano in it. House imagined himself sitting at it, serenading his woman, then he realized he was too drunk to remember any songs.

Cuddy pulled him toward the balcony. The night air hit them both, but didn't do much to sober them up, which didn't seem to bother either of them. "You can hear the water," Cuddy said, leaning her head out toward the ocean.

"Careful," House warned, pulling her back. "I might get the bright idea to push you off."

"You won't get my money until after the wedding," she informed him. It wasn't much, her life savings, not compared to what Damien Wilde must have lying around in his couch, but it was more than House had saved. She was sure of that.

"Good point. I'll wait till the actual honeymoon." He pulled her back into the room anyway. He hadn't come up here to listen to the ocean.

"Did I tell you Damien went skinny dipping?" Cuddy was grinning goofily. "Lo and I dared him, and he did. That's why we did the show, because he said we'd have to return the favor, if he went into the water." Her words sped out of her mouth and kind of crashed into one another on the way.

"Oh really?" House would have asked for a lot more, but clearly Damien was more of a gentleman than he was.

"Yes. Really." She seemed very proud of herself. House found that adorable.

"Well, that was very naughty of you." There was a twinkle in his eye.

"Yes...it was." She was nodding seductively as she pulled him toward the rose petal covered bed. "What are you going to do about it?"

"What do you think I should do about it?" He couldn't wait to hear what she would come up with.

"I think you should reward me for being such a good girl and not giving in to temptation." She was pulling his shirt off, again. He didn't mind.

"But you weren't a good girl, were you?" House lifted his arms to let her slide the shirt over his head. "I bet you checked him out."

Cuddy nodded her head with a grin.

"Did you like what you saw?" House was taking off his pants. Sometimes he wished he wore belts.

She nodded again. She was curious to see what he would do.

"Well, then, you need to be punished for being a naughty, dirty little girl, don't you?"

She started to nod, but quickly changed it to a shake as he grabbed her arm and pulled her toward him.

"Do you know what we do to naughty girls?"

We? Who was we? She shook her head, trying without much effort to break free from his grasp.

"Well, let me show you." He sat down on the edge of the bed, his hand still firmly around her wrist, and tugged her sharply.

Cuddy went flying onto his lap, head first. "You wouldn't..." she said, realizing what one thing he could do with her in this particular position.

"Oh yes I would." House smirked as he pulled up her skirt.

"Don't you dare!" She squirmed under his strong arm, which was pinning her down.

"Oh Cuddy, that was the worst possible thing you could have said." He spanked her lightly, just to get things started.

"Let me go House!" She squirmed, but he knew she could get away if she wanted to, which she clearly didn't.

"I will...eventually." He pinched one of her exposed cheeks.

"OUCH!" She could feel herself getting wet. The vulnerability; surrendering herself to him was exciting her.

"You need to be punished Cuddy." House gave her a few more light pats as she squirmed on his lap.

"I have. I've learned my lesson. Now let me go!"

"Say please," he instructed, having no intention of letting her go.

"Please let me go!" She stopped moving for a moment, hoping to catch him off guard, then tried to break away, but his grip had tightened.

"You're not going anywhere until I say so." He was getting drunk on the power, not that it was a long trip.

"Damn you!" She cried out.

"I'm marrying you. So yeah, I've pretty much been damned to hell." He smiled. Tormenting her was his favorite pastime.

"Yeah, well, maybe you'll get a reprieve."

"You don't mean that." He smiled, confident now that he was stuck with her for the rest of his life. He gave her another short spanking. Her flesh made the sweetest sound when his hand came down on each cheek.

"No. But I can make your life a living hell." That she did mean. She could do a lot of damage with the rest of his life.

"I can't wait to see you try." He slapped her one more time, but this time his hand stayed on her and slowly slipped down between her legs. He could feel her tense up on his lap as his fingers began to rub against her wet clit.

"No don't..." she felt him tickling her lips gently. He was teasing her, promising something that would come slowly.

"Don't what?" He whispered in her hear, leaning down over her.

"Don't stop," she breathed as his fingers slipped inside her.

"Hadn't planned on it." She was good and wet now, so he released his death hold on her and motioned her to get up.

She did as instructed, straddling him on the edge of the bed, her thighs hugging his hips tightly.

"Loosen up," he said with a quick pat of her ass. He wanted a little room to move. She stretched her legs out to their breaking point. When she was younger she could nearly do a split on top of him, but those days were past, so this was going to have to do.

"Whatever you say," she purred.

"Really?" House wondered what he could make her do. Ah, he was a simple man with simple needs. "Take me now, woman." He fell down onto his back, his arms flailed out to his sides, waiting for her to have her wicked way with him.

Cuddy ran her hands over his torso. He was a strong man, his muscles toned and strong. She let her hands slide up and down his body as she pulled him inside her. Her head was spinning and she hoped she wouldn't pass out or worse, throw up on him. She focused on the feeling of his skin, hot and sticky against her hands. She focused on his dick throbbing inside her.

She held him inside her, slowly rotating her hips, but not allowing him the pleasure of thrusting in and out. He was groaning at the exquisite longing in his loins. He tried to thrust up into her, but she was pushing down on him, holding him in place. He shouldn't have given her free rein.

Of course, if he really wanted to, he could release his arms from her grasp and turn the tables on her, and he would, eventually, maybe, but this felt so good, and his head was spinning too much to think strategically. He just wanted to enjoy the feeling of her, the taste of her mouth on his, the feel of her breasts in his hands as she moved them to her chest.

"You want me to squeeze them?" He asked, wanting her to ask for it.

"Yes," she said as he cupped her perfect breasts in his hands, and let his fingers slid across her nipples, forcing them to harden at his touch.

"Do you want me to lick them?" He asked.

"Yes," she moaned, feeling him struggling to move around inside her.

House pulled one breast up to his mouth and sucked on it like a greedy infant. He loved her breasts, firm and natural. He liked the way her hardened nipples pushed against his invasive tongue. He closed his teeth around one.

"Ouch! Don't bite!" She slapped his hand.

"I'll do what I damned well please," he said, preparing to bite the other side.

She pushed him down hard against the bed and flung all her weight on top of him. "I said no biting," she warned, as her mouth came down on his.

"You're bossy,' he said as her lips made the slow journey down his neck to his chest.

"Let's see how you like it," she let her tongue slide across his nipple, getting it ready for her bite.

"FUCK!" House yelled, his tender nipples much more sensitive than hers had been. "That hurt."

"No shit." Cuddy laughed. "So don't do it again."

"I'll do what I want!" He grabbed her arms and pulled himself up. He was stronger than her, and it was easy to pull her arms behind her back. The more she squirmed, trying to get away, the more he was pulled into her. "Oh, yeah," he said approvingly.

Cuddy felt herself starting to orgasm. She felt the pulses of pleasure rising from her groin. Her body shuddered, unable to move, trapped inside House's embrace. She fell against him, her hair getting in his mouth. He spit it out as he panted heavily in her ear.

He was thrusting inside her with such force her whole body was lifted into the air over and over, each time falling back down to be impaled by his steel shaft. They grunted as one, over and over until he finally released his seed and fell down onto his back.

She collapsed on top of him, panting and sweaty. "Wow," was all she could say.

"Wow," he replied. It seemed to be all that needed to be said. "And this wasn't even the real honeymoon."

"I'm not sure you can handle the real honeymoon." She smiled up at him, her face glistening in the glow of the soft light.

"Honey, I'm willing to die trying."

They passed the time silently, only the sound of their heavy breathing breaking up the gentle hum of the ceiling fan, one of those elaborate palm frond style fans that wafted a gentle breeze over their bare skin.

"I'm glad you came to Atlantic City," she was kissing his chest quickly between words.

"Not half as glad as I am." To think, he was going to be satisfied with some strippers at some seedy club. This was SO much better.


	32. Getting Clean is Hard when You're Dirty

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: The Huddy are still at it. I told them to get a room, but they said they had one thanks, and would I mind closing the door on my way out.

**Getting Clean is Hard, When You're Dirty**

House woke up with a smile on his face and long raven hair plastered to his bare shoulder. Cuddy was nuzzled in his arm, sleeping soundly. He hated waking up alone, so he tickled her side. "Wakey wakey," he said into her ear as one of her slender arms flailed out against the side of his head. "That wasn't very nice." House rubbed the spot on his cheek where she'd made contact.

"What time is it?" Cuddy got up slowly, groggily. Her head was being split in two by some guy named Jim Bean or Jose Cuervo or it might have been her old pal Jack Daniels. Whoever it was, he was giving her hell.

"Time to wake up," House said, pulling his arm out from under her. "You're not as light as you think you are," he said, trying to rub away the pins and needles of his sleeping arm.

"You're not as charming as you think you are," she retorted, getting out of bed and slipping on a robe. "Especially not in the morning."

House got up and put on his own robe. It was warm and fuzzy, just the kind of robe one wanted to steal from a fancy hotel like this. He was trying to figure out how to fit it in his luggage when he remembered he didn't have any. That was going to make it a lot more difficult.

"House, we have breakfast." Cuddy had gone into the other room to make some coffee and found the table for two set with a full breakfast of eggs, pancakes, sausage, hash browns, orange juice, everything one could want from a hangover breakfast, including two Bloody Mary's.

"Mimosas." House picked up a champagne flute full of champagne and orange juice and handed the other to Cuddy. "To Cuddy flirting with rich guys and getting us free stuff." It was clear who was behind all this.

"House!" Cuddy didn't like that toast at all, but she drank to it anyway. She was starting to dread what House would say at the reception.

"What? It's not like you had to sleep with him." A light bulb went off in House's twisted head. "Oh, but what if you did? Think he'd buy us a new car? I've always wanted a Hummer..."

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Cuddy smiled at him and pulled him over to the sofa. "Any requests?"

"Surprise me." House leaned back and let her go to work. He had no idea what tune she'd picked, but he really didn't care. Whatever it was, it felt good.

A few minutes and one really good orgasm later she was feeding him some eggs. Her legs were once again wrapped around his waist as she sat on his lap. He hadn't meant that kind of hummer, but he certainly hadn't complained.

"Do you still want me to service Damien so you can get a new car?" She shoved another forkful of omelet into his mouth.

"Noph," he said with his mouth full. He wanted her all to himself.

"I didn't think so." She fed him a strawberry, watching him suckle it as he had her breasts just last night. She kept pulling it away from him, teasing him, making him work for it.

House had his hands on her slender hips and though he could have grabbed the strawberry whenever he wanted, he'd much rather keep his hands right where they were. His long fingers dug into the fleshy beginnings of her bottom. With assistance from her, he pulled her closer to him so his hands could fully envelope the sweet, round cheeks of her ass.

They made love again on the couch. His hands parted her cheeks as he let his penis rub against her. He knew that drove her wild, and it did. She threw off her robe, and pulled his down as far as she could with him still sitting, and rode him until they both were satisfied.

"How long do you think we can stay here?" House asked, never wanting to leave.

"We have to go home House." Cuddy didn't want to leave either, but they couldn't run away from real life forever.

"Why? What's so great about home?" House whined.

"I don't know. But we have to go back." Cuddy climbed off him, then held out a hand to help him up. He hated being helped, but he'd learned to let her help him now and then. She wasn't doing it out of pity. He had to remind himself of that every time she tried to do something nice for him. She wanted to help him because she loved him, not because she felt guilty about his leg. He almost believed it.

"You're no fun Mommy." House dragged his feet behind her like a child.

"Yes, well, Mommy says it's time for your bath."

There was a huge whirlpool tub in the bathroom. Cuddy ran the water while House browsed through a collection of bubble baths and other potions. "This one," he said, choosing an exotic flower blend called Tahitian Sunset.

As soon as the tub was full, House climbed in while Cuddy lit some candles. The room was light from the morning sun, but the candles matched the scent of the bubble bath and filled the room with sweetness. Then she climbed in to join him.

"Fire it up," House demanded.

Cuddy turned the whirlpool on and the water started to swirl around them.

"We have got to get one of these," he said as he felt the jets shooting water up his bum.

"Sure, I'll go give Damien a blow job. I'm sure he'd be happy to get us one."

"Yeah, you do that." House sunk his hands under the water so she couldn't see. Then he slid them around, trying to make contact with a body part that wasn't his own.

She gasped in surprise as she felt his fingers close around her ankle.

"Come here," he said, pulling her slowly toward him.

"I don't have much choice, do I?" she felt herself sliding across the smooth porcelain bottom of the tub.

"Nope." House felt her legs stretch out over his. He let his hands slide up along them. Her skin was even softer under water. It felt like glass.

"Turn around, let me wash your back." Cuddy tried to take charge of the situation and much to her surprise, House let her. He spun around nimbly, enjoying the ease of movement he found underwater.

Cuddy picked up the little scrubber and began running it slowly over his back. It felt good, first the scrubby, roughness of the loofah, then the smooth touch of her hands. House closed his eyes and let the feeling wash over him.

She took her time, careful to cover every inch of his flesh. When she was satisfied that his back was clean, she slid her hands around to his chest. He felt her bare breasts press against his back as her hands wondered over his chest. He felt her bush against his bottom as she moved in closer to lather down the lengths of his arms.

Her hands slipped gently over his hips, down his thighs. She felt him tremble only slightly as she brushed quickly passed his scar. Her hands could only travel down half his thighs, so they made their way back up, slowly sliding along his inner thighs, inching closer and closer to their ultimate goal.

House caught his breath as he felt the back of her hand brush accidentally against the tip of his penis. She was so close he wanted to grab her and force her to take him in her hand, but he waited. She always complained that he rushed things, so he tried very hard to wait patiently. But god she was taking a long time.

Cuddy could feel the frustration pouring off him. He was being such a good boy she decided to postpone his reward no longer. Her slender fingers wrapped around his length with ease. She held him loosely at first, letting him grow in her hand as she slid it up and down his shaft.

It didn't take long for him to reach full mast at which point her grip tightened, and she became more aggressive. House held the sides of the tub to stop from sliding around as she slid her hand up and down again and again.

He was breathing quickly, his body still sliding more than he'd like, the feel of the tub sliding under his ass only added to the pleasure of her hand jacking him off. He fought like hell not to explode. He wanted to cum inside her, he preferred thinking his boys were going somewhere. He tried to hold it in, while trying to make a move to get her on top of him. He was unsuccessful on both fronts.

He felt the explosion, like a torpedo barreling out of a submarine his sperm erupted out of him. He felt her kissing his shoulders and the back of his neck and that's what had sent him over the edge. She was sucking on his fresh cleaned skin as she masterfully manipulated his dick. He was putty in her hands.

"Damn!" He explained, realizing it was over.

"What?" She looked so innocent, so beautifully innocent.

"You know what," he grumbled. He had told her again and again, when she felt him about to blow, it was time to climb aboard the SS Erection.

"Oh, that," she was grinning from ear to ear, heady on the power she had over him.

"Yeah, that," he sulked.

With some fancy maneuvering, she was now facing him. "That can't be the last shot." She was stroking him again.

"What do you think I am? A sperm bank?" He could protest all he wanted, they both knew he loved every minute of it.

"You don't want to know what I think you are," she replied, her hand disappearing under the water.

House backed away, but eventually ran into the edge of the tub. She had him trapped. "Sorry, store's closed, you'll have to come back tomorrow."

"Oh, I don't think I can wait until tomorrow." Her hand made contact with his still throbbing dick.

"You're insatiable." He cried out as she ran her finger down the bottom of his shaft and tickled his balls playfully. His voice actually cracked as he forced the words out.

"You think I'm bad now, just wait until I trap you into marriage. Then you will be contractually obligated to service me whenever I want." She was doing this thing she did, sort of juggling his balls in her hand, that drove him absolutely crazy. He had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out.

"Yes, well, you have to honor and obey me, so" he squealed, "knock it off."

"I'm not your wife yet, so I don't have to do anything you say." She slid her finger a little farther back and he almost exploded then and there.

"Oh yeah?" She wanted to play that game did she?

"Yeah." She leaned in and kissed him and he melted. Her tongue was fighting it's way into his mouth and was taking no prisoners. He liked it rough. He liked it when she pushed him down and had her way with him. Of course he also liked having his way with her. It was a win win because either way, he got some.

Between the heat of the water engulfing them, the soft fragrance of the candles, and the soothing swirl of the Jacuzzi jets, House was losing himself in the moment. He felt her pressing against him, he felt her kissing him, he felt his hands exploring her soft, wet body. Everything was perfect.

He felt himself cum inside her before he even realized what was going on. He had lost count of the number of times he'd climaxed in the past twenty four hours, but he knew he should be exhausted. He knew he shouldn't be able to move, but he did.

Cuddy felt him pushing her back, she felt him grab her legs and pull them up over his shoulders. She felt herself slipping under the water and grabbed the sides to stop herself from drowning. She felt him push deep inside her, so deep she thought she would split in half. She felt him do it again, and again. She felt all her muscles seizing. All she could see was light, bright light like a million stars exploding in her eyes. All she could hear was his grunting as he pushed into her again and again. She felt the jet thrusting water right at her bottom. It made her shimmy and push herself forward, into him.

She felt his cock, hard, hot and wet filling her completely. She cried out with pleasure as he stretched her legs to their limit. She was climaxing again, for the hundredth time, or so it seemed. Her whole body twitched and shook as the wave of pleasure washed over her, but he wasn't done. He kept thrusting, harder and faster until she came again.

He finally slipped out of her and closed his eyes. He looked exhausted. She felt exhausted, but managed to shift over to his side of the tub and hold onto him. Her legs throbbed, her groin ached, and she had never felt so good in her life.

After a while he finally opened his eyes. He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her head gently. "Are you satisfied now?" He teased.

"For now," she cooed, her breath hot against his wet skin.

"For now?" he groaned.

"We are definitely getting one of these tubs. I don't care how much it costs." She snuggled against him. The water had since cooled off and she was chilled, but she didn't want to move, wasn't even sure she could. Her legs felt like they would give out if she tried to put her weight on them.

"Awesome." House really did like the tub. If the sex hadn't worked, he was going to try to convince her it was good therapy for his leg, but the sex did work, as he knew it would.


	33. Of Vows and Secrets

Now that all that unseemly smut is out of the way, let's get on with this wedding, shall we!

Oh, and **Metaphoric.Love**, thanks for the insurance money. I'm buying myself a Jaccuzi tub with it. :)

* * *

**Of Vows and Secrets**

The next couple of weeks flew by. Lo caved and enlisted Wilson's help with the wedding planning. Actually, she was working him like a slave, not that he complained. Well, he did, but not to her.

"She's got me going to dress fittings," Wilson said over pizza with his best friend. "Dress fittings House!"

"Great," House was barely listening. He'd tuned Wilson out after hearing the words wedding and Lo in the same sentence for the third time in ten minutes.

"No, House, it's not great. I was in a dress shop, and I didn't get to see anyone naked." Wilson's relationship with Lo was troubling. No matter how many times she explained it to him, he just didn't get the whole friends with benefits concept. His mind had tricked him into believing there was more to it. He kept finding ways to be needed.

"Right," House looked at a few pieces of crust in the pizza box. "You're not eating those?"

Wilson stopped in mid sentence. "Have you been listening to me House?"

"No. Are you going to eat those or not?" He was still pointing at the crusts.

"You're supposed to be my friend House. You're supposed to help me with my problems."

"And you're supposed to be a man Wilson. You're supposed to eat the crusts." House took a piece of crust and bit into it. It was the best part of the pizza, especially when lightly burnt, like this one was.

"House, have you even thought about your vows?" Wilson realized that House was the last person to go to for help, so he changed the subject, slightly.

"Vows?"

"The wedding? You are still going, right?" House was going to show up at this thing if Wilson had to hog tie him to the alter.

"Yeah, but don't these things usually come with vows?"

"Do you and Cuddy talk at all?"

"Yeah, but it's mostly just 'oh baby, more, harder, that sort of thing."

Wilson banged his head on the table, a little harder than he'd intended. He came up rubbing his forehead. "House, you're writing your own vows. Remember? It was your idea. On the ride home from Atlantic City?" Did any of this ring a bell?

"Oh, those vows. No. Haven't had time."

"You should really get going. The wedding is in three days."

"That's a whole..." House did the math in his head, counting out on his fingers, "that's a whole lot of hours."

"Yes, most of which you waste on mindless games and self made puzzles."

"My games are not mindless."

"Oh, so this morning, when you challenged Chase and Cameron to a three legged race and used your cane as a third leg that wasn't mindless?"

"No. I was teaching them that they can't take things at face value. It was a very valuable lesson."

"Yeah, worth ten bucks."

"Twenty. It was ten from each of them." House grinned. He missed his old team sometimes. Even after years under his tutelage they were still gullible as little babies.

"Nice." Wilson was mildly impressed, but then remembered he'd had a point. "But you still need to write your vows."

"When did you become the Wedding Nazi?"

"When Lo made me taste about twenty different styles of tiny pastel mints. I didn't know they came in flavors. Did you know that? Those horrible, powdery mints come in flavors now."

"What flavor did you pick?"

"I picked peppermint, but she changed her mind and is going with chocolates instead."

"Nice." House loved chocolate. He was also finding a new respect for Lo. She was working Wilson like a dog, which got Wilson off his back, mostly. If only she'd call now and summon her little helper away.

"So you should write something really nice, Cuddy deserves something nice after putting up with you all these years."

"Putting up with me? She couldn't live without me. She'd be lost without me."

"Probably true." Wilson would never understand it. Cuddy seemed like such an intelligent woman. Whatever she saw in House was lost on him.

"Could you live without me Wilson?" House batted his eyes.

"Why? Are you breaking up with me?" Wilson sounded a little too hopeful.

"You wish." House grabbed the last piece of crust and wolfed it down.

"Yeah, sometimes I do." Wilson shook his head.

Lo wasn't having much better luck on her end. "Did you write your vows yet?" She looked over her Mediterranean salad. Cuddy was reading something, fork hovering in the air, food still on it. "Lisa?" Lo snapped at her.

"Oh, what?" Cuddy dropped the fork.

"Did you write your vows yet? And what is so bloody interesting that you're ignoring your best friend, who's sparkling wit and great fashion sense should have you captivated?"

"Great fashion sense?" Cuddy was looking at her friends ridiculously trendy suit. "That thing didn't look good on Prince during the New Revolution." Cuddy laughed.

"Wow, you are avoiding the question. That must mean you haven't written your vows yet."

"Why did House suggest it? Do you think he's up to something?" Cuddy had been nervous ever since House declared he wanted to write his own vows and insisted she do the same.

"Probably." Lo thought the whole marriage was a bad idea, so she really wasn't the best person to complain to.

"I don't know what to say."

"You give speeches all the time. You're great at public speaking."

"Yes, about business. This is different." Cuddy looked worried. "Lo, ever since, that party, House has been very involved in the wedding."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Most brides loved their grooms input.

"It should be..."

"But?"

"But, he's only doing it because of Damien."

"What's Damien got to do with it?"

"House is giving me everything I want because he's afraid I'll run off with Damien." And she didn't like it. She wanted her House back. The one who gave her a hard time about everything, the one who challenged every decision she made and forced her to really think about what she was doing.

"Would you?" Lo asked hopefully.

"Of course not Lo!" Cuddy clicked a button on her computer screen.

Lo watched her intently, then put it all together. "You've been emailing him, haven't you?"

"No, not exactly."

"What do you mean?" Lo leaned over and turned the monitor toward her. Cuddy tried to stop her, but she opened up the window at the bottom. "You're IMing him?"

"He's a nice guy."

"He's a nice guy who's in love with you."

"Not really." Cuddy hadn't ever really bought into that whole thing. He was just being nice and flirting with her.

"Not really? Didn't you see the way he was looking at you?" And not me, was the unspoken part of that sentence.

"Jealous?" Cuddy heard the unspoken part as clear as she'd heard the rest.

"NO." Like she'd admit it if she was.

"He's helping me with something." Cuddy looked nervous.

"What are you up to Lisa?"

"Promise you won't tell House?" Cuddy wanted to tell her friend. Lo had worked so hard on this wedding, she deserved to know what was going on.

"Why would I tell him anything?"

"Okay, promise you won't tell Wilson who will then turn around and tell House."

"Promise," Lo rolled her eyes.


	34. The Rehearsal Dinner

**The Rehearsal Dinner**

It was the night they had all been dreading. The night of the rehearsal dinner. The night when both families came together since that fateful Thanksgiving. It really hadn't been a long time, less than a year since the Cuddy's spent one holiday with the House's, but it was burned in all their memories as something they never wanted to repeat. With, perhaps, one exception.

"Lisa!" Jakob's face lit up when he saw his daughter waiting for him on the front porch.

"Hi Daddy." She wrapped her arms around him tightly, so happy to see him, and only him.

Her mother shot her a look that would have shattered a lesser daughter. "Lisa," she snotted as she gave her daughter a not so polite smile.

"Mother," Cuddy replied just as icily.

House came up behind his betrothed and gave her a squeeze. "Oh, this is going to be fun."

"Right," Cuddy groaned as Lydia swept past her with a stroller.

"Hi aunt Lisa." Rebekkah said quietly. "We're supposed to be mad at you for something, but I'm not." She gave her aunt a quick hug as the other two children hurried past nervously.

"Thanks B." Cuddy squeezed her god daughter quickly.

"Everyone is here, can we go?" Leila wanted to get this over as quickly as possible, which was pretty much how she felt about the whole marriage.

"My parents aren't here yet," House said, as if she cared.

"They can meet us at the..."

"We waited for you, we'll wait for them." House had no great desire to wait for his parents, but if it annoyed Leila Cuddy, he would wait for them even if they weren't coming.

"Fine." Leila dropped into a chair and waited, silently fuming at anyone who got within a foot of her, who wasn't her precious Lydia or the twins.

House's parents arrived half an hour later, which was right on time. Wilson and Lo were with them. "What are you doing with my parents?" House asked nervously.

"We ran into each other out front." Lo smiled. She knew that she was the last person House would want his parents talking to. Oh the stories she could tell them.

"She didn't say anything bad," Wilson assured him quietly.

"Great. Let's go." House pushed everyone out the door. He grabbed Cuddy just as she was leaving and pulled her into his arms. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I told you House, you can't get rid of me..."

"I don't mean the wedding. I mean this," he motioned toward their families who were piling into their cars.

"Let's just get it over with. Remember, if you get through the rehearsal right the first time, we can get rid of them sooner." She smiled and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Come on, time to face the firing squad." She took his hand and led him out the door. House was barely able to shut it as she dragged him down the sidewalk to their car.

The rehearsal went smoothly. They were both saving their vows for the actual wedding, though in truth neither of them had written them yet, so they said the traditional vows for now. House sped through his like he was on fire. He wanted the night to end as soon as possible. Cuddy's death grip was starting to make his hand throb. She hadn't let go of him since they arrived.

Dinner was being held inside Skylands Manor. The dining room was set with one large round table where everyone could interact. Had Cuddy known about this ahead of time she would have requested the long, non-sociable table she planned on having at the actual reception so no one would feel the need to speak. Alas, that was not going to happen.

"Mrs. House," Leila's tone was curt, with that judgmental edge that only a mother could pull off. "Did you know that Lisa did not show up for her bachelorette party?" Leila wasn't really talking to Mrs. House, but she wasn't talking to her daughter either, so this was the only way she could think of to get her point across. "Didn't even bother to tell anyone, just didn't show up."

"That was my fault, Mrs. Cuddy." Lo was not going to let Cuddy take the blame for anything, not from that shrew. "I kidnapped her and took her to Atlantic City. I thought it would be fun." Lo was not afraid of Leila, so she made no real apologies for what she'd done.

"Fun? What about my dear Lydia? She could have been home caring for her poor babies instead of waiting around all night for the pair of you to show up."

"Then why wasn't she?" Lo hadn't expected her to accept the invitation in the first place.

"What?" Leila was furious.

"Why didn't she stay home with her babies, if they're so bloody important?"

"Why...I..." Leila was about to blow her top and Cuddy could see it coming from a mile away.

"I'm sorry mother." Cuddy said gently, trying to defuse the bomb. "I should have called and told Lydia the party was off."

"Yes, you should have!" Leila had forgotten her ban on speaking to her daughter long enough to tell her off. "Ungrateful...disrespectful..." she was now mumbling under her breath. Then she turned to her husband. "This is your fault Jakob."

"My fau..."

"You always spoiled her."

"Spoiled, Lisa? She's not the one..."

"Let her do whatever she wanted. Now look at her. She's abandoning her family for, for, HIM." She gestured toward House who was trying to eat his French Onion Soup with little luck. A long stringy piece of cheese would not break, so he had it hanging out of his mouth and down to the soup bowl when everyone turned to look at him.

Cuddy had had enough. "I am not abandoning my family Mother. You have practically disowned me. From the day I was born. Even before Lydia showed up. I was never good enough for you because I never made the choices you would make. Well, guess what Mother. I'm not you! I will never be you. I don't WANT to be you. You're only happy when you're passing judgment on someone. You don't like House because I like him. The man saves lives Mother. He saves people's lives, and you can't muster up even an ounce of respect for him. If you hate him so much, and you certainly don't love me that much, why are you even here? Why don't you just go home."

"What..." Leila was stunned. Everyone was stunned really.

"You don't want to be here. I don't want to force you to be here, so go home." Cuddy had had it. She'd let her mother steamroll her for far too long. She could see Lo cheering silently out of the corner of her eye. House was also smiling proudly at her. So was her father. That gave her the courage she needed to go on.

"You are my daughter, and I will be here to see you wed." Leila stood up to try to match her daughters height, but she failed by a few inches.

"Why?" Cuddy crossed her arms.

"What?"

"Why do you want to be here?" Cuddy was challenging her. She knew the answer, but she wanted to hear her mother admit it.

"Because you're my daughter." Even now she couldn't say she loved her. Leila was a cold, heartless woman sometimes.

"And you're afraid of what the neighbors would say if they knew you refused to go to your own daughters wedding." Cuddy wanted it all out in the open. This wasn't about her at all. This was about Leila looking like a good, loving mother to her peers.

"How dare you!" Leila was fuming.

"Well, Mother, I'm absolving you from responsibility."

The whole room was hanging on Cuddy's every word, asking the same question with their eyes. Leila was the one who gave it voice. "What?"

"You're not welcome at the wedding." Cuddy had said it. She's wanted to say it for months, and she'd finally gotten the nerve to say it, to her face, out loud, in front of her friends and family. She did not want her mother at her wedding.

"I...I..." Leila was speechless, but not for long. "You can't do that. I'm your mother..."

"I can do that Mother. It's my wedding."

House stood up and put a supportive arm around Cuddy's waist. "It's OUR wedding, and I couldn't be happier that you're not attending."

Cuddy nearly fell into him, so grateful she was for his support. He had never felt so strong to her. She felt his powerful arm wrapped around her, protecting her from whatever her mother tried to throw their way.

"This is your doing." Leila turned her wrath on House.

"No, Mother. House was fully prepared to deal with you, for me, because he loves me, and when you love someone, you accept the people in their lives, even the ones you hate."

"Well..."

"Don't worry Mother." Cuddy's tone had changed. She felt safe now, with House by her side. She didn't have to be so angry. She just needed to accept that this was the way it was, and that was okay. "You can go home and tell all your friends about your horrible, selfish, ungrateful daughter who kicked you out of her wedding. They'll all feel bad for you because they don't know who you really are."

Lo actually applauded, until her friend shot her a glance made of sharpened daggers. "Sorry," Lo smiled and didn't sound sincere at all.

"You...You..." Leila was fuming, and Jakob wasn't by her side, the way House was by Cuddy's, which only made things worse. "Well? Jakob, let's go."

Jakob looked up at her, startled. "Um..."

"Daddy can't go. He has to walk me down the aisle." Cuddy didn't care what her mother did during tomorrow's wedding, but she was going to have her father there no matter what.

"She's my little girl Leila," Jakob said apologetically. He had sworn that he would walk Lisa down the aisle on the day she was born, the first time he held her in his arms he had promised. He would be there to see her graduate from college, to walk her down the aisle at her wedding and to see her first child born. Those three things he had promised to live for. Of course, he knew that anything could happen, he could have died before these things occurred, but if he was alive, and as long as he could move, he would be there for those three events in her life, and he wasn't going to let Leila's petty controlling behavior stand in the way.

"Well I never..." Leila felt her world falling apart around her. "Come on Lydia, we're going home."

"Come long children." Lydia was already on her feet, gathering the babies things when Leila spoke. "I told you we should have just stayed home..." she was fussing with a soft blue blanket when her daughter interrupted her.

Rebekkah tugged at her mother's sleeve when words wouldn't get her attention. "I'd like to stay with Grandpa, if that's okay." She looked down nervously.

"You heard your aunt. We're not welcome here."

"Actually, Lydia, if any of the children want to stay, they are welcome. You are too, if you want." She knew Lydia would never disobey their mother, so it was a safe offer to make.

"I would never. I give this marriage a year. You'll be divorced..."

"Like you?" Lo couldn't help herself. She hated Lydia, always had.

Leila and Lydia stormed out so quickly, babies and two children in tow that they didn't notice that Rebekkah was not with them. She turned to her aunt with a defiant little smile. "I'm going to be in big trouble, aren't I?"

"Probably," Cuddy said, walking over to give her a hug.

"That's okay. Maybe she'll finally let me go live with Dad." She had tears in her eyes but was still smiling. She knew without even knowing it, how her aunt had felt growing up. The oldest daughter, an afterthought to her mother, Daddy's little girl.

Cuddy looked at her with deep concern.

"Oh, I know he's not my real Dad. We talked about it. That stupid Mark guy, Mommy's boyfriend, he's my Dad, but my REAL Dad said I will always be his little girl." She smiled so proudly. "That he loves me even if he doesn't have to."

Wilson finally looked up from his plate. He had been focusing intently on his food while the fight took place. The elder House's were missing.

"Where'd my parents go?" House looked under the table for them, then realized that he probably wouldn't like what he saw if they were down there and quickly looked toward the door.

"They left," Wilson told him. "Just before Lisa told her mother to fuck off."

"I never told my mother to fuck off."

"You kinda did," House said proudly.

Cuddy felt her father put his arms around her. "I'm proud of you Princess." He kissed her head sweetly.

"You're not mad?" Cuddy straightened up and gave him a proper hug.

"Mad? She deserved it. Ever since you got engaged all she's done is badmouth Gregory and pray that the wedding gets called off. She doesn't belong here. You should not start your marriage with that kind of negativity."

"Hear, hear," Lo held up her glass for a little one person toast.

"I love you Daddy." Cuddy squeezed him tightly.

"I love you too Princess."

She looked over at House and mouthed I love you to him as well. He smiled and said it back.


	35. Fallout

**Fallout**

Leila flew out the door in a huff, nearly knocking over House's mother. "Excuse yourself," John House said in a commanding voice. It was a big mistake.

"What?" Leila spun to face him, her eyes blazing fire. "What did you say to me?"

"I said excuse yourself. You ran into my wife. The proper thing to say is "excuse me"."

"Well your son ruined my daughter's life. What's the proper thing to say to that?"

John felt Blythe's hand fall on his arm. They had come outside to avoid the fireworks going on in the dining room. It was not their business, or so his wife had told him, but now it was, and he wasn't going to just stand around being polite.

"Did you ever think that perhaps you are the one who was ruining her life?"

"John," Blythe said quietly, trying to warn him away from an argument that had already begun.

"How dare you!"

"I've seen the way you treat her." It was too late. John was not going to be stopped.

"You know nothing about us."

"I know enough to know that she has been paralyzed by you. I watched her vanish when you showed up on Thanksgiving. The life slipped out of her eyes as soon as you started in on her."

"John," Blythe pleaded to no avail.

"She is a beautiful, vibrant, smart, successful woman, and she has found the man she loves, and rather than be happy for her, all you can do is criticize her. You're a bad parent." John should know. He'd spend the past forty plus years being a bad parent.

"Don't talk to my mother that way." Lydia had pushed the children away, she was taking them to the rental car, out of earshot of more fighting, but stopped dead to defend her mother. "She is a good mother."

John snorted his disagreement. "Lisa Cuddy is the best thing to ever happen to my son, and he loves her more than you ever have, so I will not sit back quietly and watch you try to destroy that. If you say one word to ruin that wedding, I will hunt you down and make you wish you had never met me."

"I already do," Leila said defiantly. She came from a world where men didn't hit women, so this bustling blowhard didn't scare her.

"Besides, we're not going to the wedding," Lydia snotted. "Lisa uninvited us, the ungrateful..." she realized her kids were listening and stopped.

"Good." John felt satisfied with that, though he'd really like to shoot something. "I'm going inside for a drink." He huffed off in one direction as Leila huffed off in another. Blythe tried to apologize to Lydia for his behavior, but the young woman turned her back and walked away.

Inside the small, intimate dining room House had rejoined Lo and Wilson at the table. "I think that went well, don't you?" He motioned Rebekkah over to join them, since she was trying to eavesdrop on Cuddy and Jakob. Only House was allowed to eavesdrop on Cuddy. Didn't everyone know that?

"She's going to kill you when you get home." Cuddy had found a small bench by the window and sat down.

"Perhaps, but it will have been worth it." He smiled sadly at first, but it warmed into a genuine smile as he spoke. "My little girl is getting married tomorrow. I can't believe it."

"Dad." Cuddy always got embarrassed when he gushed over her. He did it at her graduation, taking a million pictures and bragging to all the other parents about his daughter the doctor. He didn't seem to realize that pretty much every parent there had a child who was about to be a doctor.

"What? I can't be happy for my baby?"

She hugged him again. "I'm glad you stayed." She really was. She didn't think she could have gone through with the wedding if her father wasn't there to walk her down the aisle. It was a silly, antiquated tradition, but he was the only man in the world she loved as much as House and she wanted him there when they got married.

"So am I princess, so am I." He would never tell his princess about his marital issues, but this was not the first time Leila and Jakob Cuddy had disagreed to the point of not sleeping in the same room. Nor, he suspected, would it be the last.

House watched Cuddy carefully for the rest of the evening. They tried, valiantly, to finish the meal, but everyone was quiet and somber. It felt more like a funeral than the night before a wedding.

"We should go." Jakob was the first to make the move. He had the best excuse. "Bekkah needs her beauty sleep if she's going to be ready for the big day tomorrow." He looked at his granddaughter, silently telling her not to protest, that she didn't really have to go to bed, but they did have to get out of there. She seemed to understand because she groaned her acceptance and said her goodbyes.

Wilson turned to Lo with a hopeful smile. "Need a lift?"

"Are you talking about a ride home, or did you have something else in mind?" Her hand was sliding up his thigh, so it was pretty obvious what she was hoping his answer would be.

"We'll start with the ride home," Wilson blushed.

"Then when we get home, I'll give you a ride." She took his hand and walked him out the door. He glanced back at House with the triumphant look of a man about to get laid.

"Well," House looked around. They were alone. "You still wanna do this thing tomorrow?"

Cuddy smiled weakly. She was exhausted after the night's events. She look a deep breath, as though the answer weighed heavily on her. "Yes. You?" She knew better than to ask him, but she did anyway.

House shrugged. "I don't have anything better to do tomorrow. So why not?"

"You really are a bastard. You know that?" Her head fell onto his shoulder. She just couldn't keep it up on its own any longer.

"How could I ever forget with you constantly reminding me." He rested his cheek against her fluffly hair. She'd looked beautiful tonight, walking down that white carpet. They had used traditional vows for the rehearsal, and as corny as he'd always thought they were, the words were now echoing in his head.

'…to love, cherish and protect her…'Those words had never really meant anything to him before. To love her… he already loved her. He loved her more than he would ever admit. To cherish her? What did that even mean? How could you love someone without cherishing them? To protect her…after tonight she didn't need his protection. But who the hell was going to protect her from him?

He laughed at himself. Who would have thought, cynical Gregory House, the man who hated all commitment was about to get married. And to Lisa Cuddy of all people. Twenty years ago, when he first saw her on that dance floor at some cheap college dance club who's name escaped him, he simply couldn't have imagined that one day he'd be marrying her. She'd been a one night stand. It had been one fabulous night, but that's all it was. One night with a girl too drunk to realize she was far too good for him. And now he was marrying her.

"What's so funny?" Cuddy felt his body vibrate with silent laughter.

"I was just thinking about when we first met."

"At The Blind Pig?" She had fond memories of that place.

That was the name of it. "Yeah," he tried to sound nonchalant.

"All I remember about that night was waking up the next morning naked in your bed."

"Yeah," this time he was smiling and nodding his head. "Good times."

"It took you forever to call me after that."

"I didn't call you." House's memory seemed to be a little better than hers.

"Right. I had to call you."

"You were very persistent." He was grinning at the memory. He had never fully understood women's attraction to him. It wasn't that he didn't think he was attractive, but he kind of assumed his assholish nature would be a turn off. Apparently, however, it attracted them like bees to honey.

"I thought you were the man I was going to marry." She had fallen hard for the legendary Dr. Gregory House. He was everything she had heard and more. It was a big feather in a girls cap to date him. He was Michigan's answer to James Dean, all rebellious and dangerous. He was exciting as hell.

"Really?" She'd never mentioned that before.

Cuddy blushed. She'd never told him before because it was embarrassing to admit. "I was young. You were exciting and handsome and so confident."

"You wanted to marry me?" House laughed. He didn't mean to...well, yeah, he kinda did, but he tried to feel bad about it.

"I was a school girl with a crush. Don't think I've been pining for you all these years." His head was big enough without him knowing that.

"Did you used to doodle Mrs. Gregory House in your notebook? Oh, wait, you're a modern girl. You probably doodled Mrs. Lisa Cuddy-House in your notebook. How very feminist of you."

"Shut up!" She shoved him away.

"Did you put little hearts around my name?" He was never going to let her live this down.

"No." It was a bold faced lie. She used to draw pictures of him when she was supposed to be listening to some boring lecture. She used to put their names together to see how they fit. She even did this numerology thing once. They weren't a perfect match so she dismissed the whole thing as nonsense.

"You did. You wrote LC & GH 4VR. You didn't carve it into a tree did you?" He hated tree abuse.

"NO!" She could finally be honest about something. "And you wanted me just as much."

"Yeah, but not to marry."

"I hate you!" She shoved him in the arm.

"I hate you more." He shoved her back. Then he grabbed her and kissed her. It was much more fun kissing her than it was pushing her away. It had taken him years to figure that out.

"We'd better go home and get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a big day."

House chuckled. "Yeah, like we're going to get any sleep tonight." He took her by the hand and pulled her to her feet then pulled her into his arms. For years he'd had to come up with elaborate excuses to get close to her, to find ways to accidentally brush up against her, or run into her in the hallway. It was liberating to be able to hold her whenever he wanted, to brush aside her hair, or have her adjust his collar.

The intimacy of touching was probably his favorite part of being in a relationship. Sure the sex was great, but he could get great sex from a hooker. It wasn't that fun sleeping all night with another person, with the tossing and turning, and always losing feeling in one arm because she wants to curl up beside him. But being able to hold her in his arms for no reason at all was his favorite part of a relationship.

They stood for a while, arms wrapped around each other, not speaking, not making out, just holding on tightly. Tomorrow wasn't going to change anything because he wasn't going to let it. They would not end up like his parents, bitter and distant, and they would not end up like her parents, angry and clearly on the verge of divorce, even if she didn't see it. They would be what they are now, House and Cuddy, lovers, friend, sparing partners and soon, husband and wife.


	36. The Longest Night

**The Longest Night**

Cuddy tossed and then she turned. She tried tossing again, but it was no use. Finally she shot up like a rocket. Her absolutely hated the vows she'd written.

She looked over at the sleeping man beside her. She couldn't say that dreg to him. He would laugh. He was probably going to laugh anyway, but she would rather it be nervous laughter then laughing at her heart felt words.

She reached over and grabbed a pen and paper from the nightstand, and her small book light. She had gotten used to working like this, late into the night, since House moved in. It wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. The soft light was just enough to brighten the top sheet of paper without waking him up.

She stared at the empty lined paper, tapping her pen anxiously against the corner of the pad. She had to think of the perfect thing to say to him. Nothing too trite or too sentimental. House would scoff at that. And it shouldn't sound like she was trying too hard to be witty. He'd spot that in a heartbeat. It had to be romantic without being mushy and clever without being silly.

She began to scribble something down, and then crossed it off again. It was too much like the last five attempts she'd made. Why did he have to suggest writing their own vows? Why did he pick that moment to start investing in this wedding? It was nice having him participate, but really, it was a lot easier when he didn't.

"What are you doing?" House was groggy, and the sound of pen scratching on paper could have been anything to his sleepy ears.

"Nothing. Go back to sleep." She held her breath, hoping he'd follow her orders for once.

"What's that?" House, nosy even when half asleep, noticed the notepad. "Love note to Damien?"

"No." She frowned.

"What is it?" House nosed his head forward trying to take a look.

"Nothing. Just go back to sleep." She pulled the pad against her body so he couldn't see it. That was a huge mistake, because now House was more curious then ever.

"You and I both know that's not going to happen."

Cuddy did know that wasn't going to happen. "I'm writing my vows."

"NOW?" House looked at the clock. It was glowing 2:00 AM. "Shouldn't you have done that already?"

"I'm revising. Did you finish yours?" She knew the answer to that question and was not surprised when he said no.

"I'm more of an off the cuff type guy. I'm just gonna wing it." He smiled.

"You are not going to 'wing' your wedding vows House." She was terrified at the very thought of it.

"Then write them for me."

"It was your idea. You write them." Why had he come up with this ridiculous idea anyway.

"Fine." House grabbed the notepad from her and switched on the light. He read what she wrote, even though she hadn't written anything yet. "House has a staggeringly vast dick..."

"I didn't write that!" She blushed.

"I know, but you should. That's something people should know." House scribbled it down as he wrote.

"Fine, but I'm going to have to reword it a bit." Cuddy grabbed her notebook back and spoke as she wrote. "House IS a staggeringly vast dick."

House raised an eyebrow. "Nice," he said sarcastically. "So maybe I should tell everyone you like to get up on stage and take your clothes off and I can show them pictures to prove it." One point for Gregory House, not that he was keeping track.

"I'll tell them all that you have sick fantasies about me and my best friend…"

"Who doesn't?" House knew he couldn't possibly be alone there. Two-One House. He did have to give her a point for that dick bit. That was pretty clever. "You wouldn't…?"

"No, House, I wouldn't." She pouted at him.

"Pity." House thought for a moment. "What if I put it in your vows?"

"You can't put it in my…"

"I, Lisa Cuddy, take this hunk of burning love, Gregory House," he ignored her eye rolling, "as my lawful wedding master. I will obey his ever command." He held her mouth so she couldn't interrupt the moment he saw her open it. "I will strip for him nightly and perform lap dances at his whim." He could feel her dying to stop him, but he carried on. "I will perform deviant lesbian acts for his entertainment." She was struggling more so he had to press his body on top of hers to keep her from breaking free. "And I will never ever deny him access to any part of my scrumptious body." She finally broke loose.

"Scrumptious body?" She laughed as she pulled him off her. "You'll be lucky if you ever get to look at my scrumptious body again after those vows."

"Now do me." House was curious what she'd say.

Cuddy looked at him, thinking carefully about what to say. "I, lowly Gregory House, take the beautiful, talented Lisa Cuddy to be my wife. I promise to always do what she says," she shoved a decorative pillow over his mouth just as he was about to interrupt. "Because I will appreciate that she is trying to keep me from ruining my life." She could feel him scoff underneath her. "I will give her whatever she asks for because if I don't, she will get it from her rich boyfriend." He grabbed her and flung her onto her back. It never was a fair fight since he outweighed her easily, but she enjoyed making him work for it.

"Do you think I'm going to marry you and let you have a boyfriend on the side?"

"I'll let you keep your hookers," she said, watching his fingers work their way up her nightgown.

"No you won't."

"Well, I'll let you keep your porn."

"Really?" That wouldn't be so bad…but not worth giving her a boyfriend on the side. "Nope, you'll have to let me have a girlfriend. That's all there is to it."

"Do you have one in mind?" She felt his hands slip over her hips.

"There's always Cameron."

"No." She shot that down fast.

"You never liked her did you?"

"No. Pick someone else." She felt his hand slip between her thighs.

"There's always 13. She's sexy." House grinned like a horny schoolboy. "she's into chicks too, so maybe if we got you drunk enough…"

"No." She shook her head teasingly. "Pick someone we don't work with." She gasped as he pulled her legs apart. "You do know people outside the hospital don't you?"

"Of course I do." Of course it was going to take him a long time to think of one.

"You don't have to have a girlfriend you know." He was kissing his way up her leg and she realized she really wouldn't want to have to share that with anyone else.

He stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. "Oh, so you get a boyfriend, but I can't have a girlfriend? That's not fair."

"Maybe you're just not man enough for me. Ever think of that?" In response he bit the section of leg he'd been kissing. "OUCH!"

"Your first vow should be 'I will NOT berate my husband's sexual prowess'."

"Yeah, let me write that down." She didn't. Even if she wanted to, she probably couldn't. House's tongue had slipped inside her and it was affecting her ability to control her body at the moment. "Oh!"

"Yeah, you like that don't you?" House taunted her as he pulled away.

"House!" She didn't want him to stop.

"What? Was that not enough for you? Maybe you want me to call Damien over. We can double up on you." He could joke about it because for the first time in his life, he felt confident in his relationship. He knew that Cuddy wouldn't cheat on him. He wasn't sure how he knew, exactly, but he knew. Maybe it was the way she looked at him when she thought he wasn't looking. Or maybe it was the way she threw herself into his arms even though she'd been dancing with Damien all night. Whatever it was, he felt secure, and it was both terrifying in it's newness, and warm and comfortable in it's certainty.

"Maybe you should, if that's all you've got." She was teasing him, prompting him to give her more.

"Oh, that's not all I've got." House pulled himself up. "But you have to write your vows, don't you?" He was sitting as sweetly as he could, staring at her expectant face.

Shit! She'd forgotten them. "Not NOW!"

House looked at the clock. "Time's running out."

"Damn you House. If you don't finish what you started I'm calling the wedding off."

"Really?" He looked hopeful, though if she ever followed through on that threat he would be heartbroken.

"Get down there!" She grabbed the back of his head and shoved it toward her crotch. It wasn't the most ladylike move, she would admit, but she had needs, and those needs weren't going to be met unless she got a little unladylike.

House felt a tingling in his lower region. He liked it when she got rough. "Whatever you say Boss." He kissed her inner thigh again gently then began to suck on it. He imagined her in her wedding dress, walking down the aisle, the mark of his love hidden beneath the elegant skirts, just above where her stockings ended. Only they would know it was there. It would be a secret symbol of their love, more intimate than the ring he would slip on her finger, or the words he would speak in front of their family and friends.

Cuddy closed her eyes as she felt his mouth slipping up between her legs, his tongue pushing past her waiting lips. She felt the heat immediately as his tongue slipped inside her. She was a doctor, and knew the affects Vicodin could have on one's libido. She had no idea how House managed to break that rule, but then again, he'd always been a rule breaker.

House slid his hands over her legs, slipping them underneath her. Now he could control the position of her body, pushing her forward, toward his eager mouth. His tongue working vigorously, back and forth, back and forth. He could feel her body getting hotter and wetter. He felt her pushing herself forward, eager for him to go deeper inside of her.

House pulled out, knowing she'd be furious. "How are those vows coming dear?" He asked, smiling up at her from between her legs.

"Shut up!" she threw a pillow at him and he just laughed. "I'll call Damien in to finish the job." It was an empty threat and they both knew it.

"Go ahead." House stretched out over her and reached for the phone.

Cuddy stared at the receiver in House's hand. He knew she wouldn't do it. She should. Just to show him he didn't know her as well as he thought.

"Well?" House was taunting her now. He loved watching her back down.

Cuddy nodded her head decidedly then leaned over and picked up her cell phone. Damien had programmed in his number sometime that night. She flipped through the list until she came to him then hit send.

"What are you doing?" House looked panicked.

"Calling Damien." She smiled sweetly. Her skin glistened in the soft glow of the book light and the moonlight that slipped through the drapes.

"You're bluffing." She had to be, so he leaned back and waited for her to fold.

Cuddy grinned triumphantly. "You said call anytime," she said into the phone.

House looked nervous but held his ground. She was talking to herself.

"What are you doing…" Cuddy just wasn't that good an actress.

"Give me that." House grabbed the phone from her. "Hello?" He snapped.

"Road Runner, is that you?" Damien sounded half asleep.

"Who else would it be?" House looked at a proud Cuddy. She'd actually gone and called the guy. Interesting.

"Shouldn't you two be doing something more productive with your time?" Damien asked.

"I was trying to, but Cuddy insisted on calling you…" she grabbed the phone from him.

"Ignore him." Cuddy said into the phone.

"He's a hard man to ignore." God knows Damien would if he could.

"Tell me about it." He was particularly hard to ignore now because he was sliding back down her body slowly.

"So, why did you call?" Damien was slightly more coherent now and realized what time it was.

"I just wanted to say hi." And now she really wanted to hang up, but she didn't want to be rude.

"At two thirty in the morning?" Damien had answered the phone hoping it was a booty call from one of the many women who would call him for such things.

"Is that the time?" Cuddy thought more of her acting abilities than House did, but he still wasn't buying it. "Sorry."

"I'm not a sex aide am I?" Damien had seen a show once, where this one character had called a girl up while she was having sex, and well, the phone became involved in ways he could only imagine.

Cuddy laughed. "No. Not exactly." House was about to go down on her, so if Damien stayed on the line much longer..."Gotta go." Cuddy hung up as House slid back inside her. His long, wet tongue bringing her to ecstasy with expert precision.

When he was done, he pulled himself up and lay down beside her. "Are you happy now?" He acted like it was a great burden, but he had enjoyed it almost as much as she had.

"Yes. Thank you." She felt energized now.

"Then I can go back to sleep?" House was practicing his poor, put upon husband routine. He was getting pretty good at it.

"You can go back to sleep now House." She kissed him good night then propped her notepad back on her lap.

"Just say you vow to worship me and call it a night." House turned over and covered his head with his pillow because it was painfully obvious she wasn't ready to call it a night. "Wake me when we're married," he mumbled, successfully getting a laugh out of her.

"I will." Cuddy stared at him for a while, hoping the words would come pouring into her.


	37. The Calming Properties of French Toast

**The Calming Properties of French Toast**

The alarm chirped relentlessly. House groaned and rolled over. Oddly, that didn't stop the alarm from yelling into the otherwise quiet morning. "Turn it off," he mumbled incoherently, but nothing happened. "Oh for..." he turned to yell at Cuddy, but she wasn't there. "Crap." He slammed his hand down on the annoying clock then fell back onto his pillow.

It took him a good ten minutes to realize Cuddy should have been there. He knew something was wrong because if she had been there in bed with him, she would have turned off the alarm clock and started pestering him until he woke up. It drove him crazy, and he refused to admit it even to himself, but he sort of missed it a little; the way she'd start by kissing him gently, then shaking his arm, then tugging on his ear, then getting really close and yelling into his ear. That was the bit that usually prompted him into action. Left to his own devices it was another ten minutes before he got up and went to find her.

He shuffled down the hallway in his robe and slippers blissfully unaware that today was his wedding day. It usually took about a half hour and two cups of coffee before he even knew what month it was. Knowing the day at this early hour was just beyond his realm of ability.

He found her in the first place he looked. She was curled up in her desk chair, her head resting on the hard wood of the antique desk her father had gotten her as a house warming gift when she got the job running PPTH and bought the house they now lived in together.

For a moment he thought he should let her sleep, but then he remembered all the times she should have let him sleep and didn't, and he blew in her ear. She swatted her hand in her sleep. "Wakey Wakey," he said, flicking her ear lightly.

"What happened?" She jumped up and was suddenly alert.

"Nothing, yet." House smiled at her.

Cuddy looked around and realized she'd fallen asleep trying to write her vows. House glanced over her shoulder quickly, but all he could make out where some elaborate doodles and a lot of scratched out words. "The wedding."

"Glad you remembered." House would have loved it if she forgot. He'd never let her live it down.

"What time is it?" She looked around for a clock.

"Relax. We've got plenty of time." House wanted breakfast.

"YOU'VE got plenty of time. All you have to do is show up. I've got to get my hair and makeup done, and get dressed and…"

"Relax." House grabbed her head before it exploded, and kissed it carefully. "I'll make you some French Toast." She had fallen in love with his ooey gooey French Toast the first time he'd made it for her, and now called it his specialty. Although he was capable of cooking, he claimed it was the only thing he could make.

Cuddy followed him into the kitchen. He wasn't sure he was thrilled about it. She was practically spastic, muttering to herself about all the things she had to do, and peering over his shoulder now and then because she needed something to focus on.

"Sit down!" House pointed the spatula toward a chair.

"I should call Lo," Cuddy headed for the phone but House blocked her with his cane.

"I said sit down!" He could be very authoritative when he put his mind to it.

"Okay," she said as if he were the one freaking out. She sat, afraid to say anything, while he finished cooking.

"We will sit down and have a nice breakfast. Then you will drop me off at Wilson's on your way to Lo's den of whatever." House had never been to Lo's. He was too afraid of what he might find there. He'd had this nightmare once, where Cuddy had been simply bait, and she lured him down to Lo's basement dungeon where he was tortured and used to satisfy their vast appetites...okay, so it wasn't exactly a nightmare, but he still wasn't going to ever set foot in Lo's house, just in case.

"Yes, fine." Cuddy dove into her French Toast as though she hadn't eaten in weeks. House watched for an amused moment before slowing her down.

"We have plenty of time. The wedding isn't until this afternoon."

"I haven't even finished my vows." She'd been obsessing over these vows for weeks now. Lo had the wedding under control. It was so under control that it left Cuddy with nothing to do. Lo insisted that all she had to do was sit back and relax, that this was Lo's gift to her. But Cuddy was not the sit back and relax type, and since her only task was to write her vows and go to dress fittings, she had her dress fitted at least once a week and had become obsessed with writing the perfect vows.

"So?" House shrugged.

"So? House, have you given any thought to what you're going to say?" The words came out slightly muffled through the brown sugar covered goodness of the French Toast.

"Not really," House replied honestly. He knew that was going to piss her off, and he felt a little guilty pissing her off today of all days, so he elaborated. "I'm just going to say how I feel. I don't need to prepare that. When the moment comes, the words will come."

Cuddy looked at him as if he'd grown a second head that had one fat hair growing out the top of it's third eye and a mouth that was on sideways. "That's very Zen of you." House was anything but Zen.

"Lazy is the new Zen now?" House nodded, pleased with this information. He could do lazy.

"House..." She really couldn't deal with him today. Any other day, fine, she'd love to banter away, but today, just no.

House realized this, and became serious. "Cuddy, I don't care what you say to me up there, so long as at the end of it, you say 'I do'. You can call me a jerk a bastard a lazy ass miser who makes everyone around him miserable just because he can. I don't care. Just so long as it ends with you marrying me."

Cuddy was about to cry. That was the sweetest thing he'd ever said to her. "I just want it to be perfect."

"I know. So just look into my eyes and say whatever comes into your head."

"Are you sure you want me to do that?" She smiled, but it was still a nervous smile.

"I am absolutely certain." And he meant it. House could care less if she told him the truth, if she pointed out all the horrible things about him that he already knew but just didn't care enough to change. As long as she didn't change her mind and leave him at the alter.

"I'm not like you House. I don't improvise." Every step of her career had been carefully planned, every choice she'd ever made had been well thought out. She wasn't a spur of the moment kind of person, though, sometimes she thought it might be nice if she could be.

"Do it anyway." House began to clear the table. It took him a moment to realize she hadn't asked him to and that it was a warning sign. He was being domesticated. In horror, House slammed the last of the dishes into the sink and stormed toward the door. "We'd better get going."

"But you said we had plenty of time." Cuddy walked over and started rinsing the dishes. She was going to end up doing it eventually anyway.

"Plenty of time? Have you looked in a mirror today? It's going to take hours, and a team of highly trained professionals to get you looking presentable enough to marry me." He ducked as a sponge went whizzing past his head. "That didn't help." He dragged her away from the sink and out the front door.


	38. Going to the Chapel and we're gonna

**Going to the Chapel and We're Gonna get Married…**

House paced back and forth, tugging nervously at his tie. What if she didn't show up? What if she'd finally come to her senses and run off with Damien Wilde? It's what he would do. That guy was loaded.

"Would you stand still?" Wilson had been trying to pin a corsage on his friend for the past five minutes, but it was hard to pin a moving target.

"What time is it?" House grabbed Wilson's wrist and stared uncomprehendingly at his watch.

"About five minutes after the last time you asked." Wilson rubbed his arm when House released him. That was going to leave a mark, surely. "Why don't you practice your vows or something?" Anything to get him to stop pacing.

"I didn't write any." House paced a little more frantically.

"What do you mean you didn't write any?"

"I'm gonna wing it." House stopped pacing, smiled at Wilson, then resumed pacing at a much quicker pace. Winging it had sounded like such a good idea when he thought of it.

"You told me you'd written them weeks ago." Wilson's voice cracked slightly. It did that when House drove him to the brink.

"I lied." House shrugged at Wilson's naive trust.

"HOUSE!"

"WILSON!" House wobbled his head in imitation of his friend. He would have made that vein on his neck bulge like Wilson's did sometimes, but he just couldn't pull it off.

"Just…stay here. I'll go see if they've arrived yet." Wilson had to get away from him before he nailed House's feet to the floor. Watching the long legged man pace was maddening. Especially because of the limp and the relentless pounding of the cane against the stepping stones.

Cuddy looked into the mirror again. She couldn't believe it was her looking back. All those extra fittings had really paid off because the dress fit her like a glove. She looked stunning.

"You look fine, come on." Lo had touched up the bride's make up, had fixed the bride's hair, again and had even double checked the bride's stockings for runs. But if the bride didn't move her perfect little ass away from that mirror, Lo was going to kick the bride's ass good and hard.

Cuddy took a deep breath. "I have no idea what I'm going to say when I get up there."

"What do you mean?" Lo was gripping Cuddy's arm firmly and pulling her out the door.

"House told me to forget writing vows and just say whatever I'm feeling." It was a sweet thought, but now she was terrified she'd mess it all up.

"Lisa, you're getting married. You're going to feel like throwing up." Lo wasn't a big wedding person. Marriage in general seemed rather pointless to her. But if it's what her friend wanted, she'd be as supportive as her sarcasm allowed.

"Maybe I'll say that." Cuddy was pouting. This was going to be a disaster.

Lo rolled her eyes. "Greg would probably like it if you did."

Cuddy laughed. "Probably." She took one last peek at herself in the mirror.

"Oh, get over yourself." Lo slammed the door, disconnecting Cuddy from her beloved mirror. "You're not all that."

"Yes I am." Cuddy wrinkled her nose at her friend. She knew she looked gorgeous and Lo wasn't going to convince her otherwise.

"Fine, you are, but you're about to be Mrs. Gregory House and I'm going to have all the hot bachelors to myself, so I still win." Lo stuck her tongue out.

"Get in the car." Cuddy shoved Lo into the waiting limo. She always won.

House was tapping his cane against a stone wall when Wilson returned.

"She's not here yet."

"She's not coming." House had been trying to prepare himself for this moment. This was all just too good to actually happen to him.

"They're probably just stuck in traffic."

"OMG!" House was channeling his inner 'tween. "That's the worst excuse ever."

"Yeah, but it happens."

A third gentleman came over, interrupting their stimulating debate. He was dressed in a suit identical to Wilson's, but he made it work. "You really want me to wear this thing?" Damien looked at House and Wilson then felt a little better about his appearance.

"Cuddy's idea," was House's simple answer.

"You are one lucky bastard." Damien clapped House on the shoulder familiarly. Normally House would have bitten a man's head off for doing that, but damned if he didn't actually like this guy.

"So she isn't running off with you then?"

"Alas, she seems stuck on you. Silly girl." Damien laughed.

"There's no accounting for taste," Wilson threw in, feeling a bit third wheelish.

"I'd gladly fight you for her," Damien continued. "But you look like you'd fight dirty."

"I would." House smiled.

Cuddy stared out the limo window. The world seemed to be passing at a snails pace.

"There's still time to change your mind," Lo offered helpfully before getting hit in the arm.

"I'm not changing my mind."

Lo grinned. "You really do love him don't you?"

Cuddy looked at her like she'd just said this was a stick up. "Where have you been the past year?"

"Hoping it was a phase?"

"It's not a phase."

House peeked around the hedges. The lawn chairs, laid out in perfectly straight rows were beginning to fill up. Damien and Daniel were seating the guests. Cuddy had stressed out about whether to keep Daniel in the bridal party, but he had been her friend long before he became her brother in law, and she wanted her friend there for her, so he stayed, much to Lydia's dismay. Cuddy had worked it all out by having Daniel walk his daughter down the aisle, while Lydia would be paired with poor, unsuspecting Damien. Now he had no one to walk with. House offered him the ring bearer position, but Damien turned it down. He was not going to walk down the aisle carrying a fluffy satin pillow. Not even for Lisa Cuddy.

Damien was escorting Mr. and Mrs. House to the front row. "Where's Greg?" John asked with his usual military authority.

"He's behind those hedges, burning a whole in the grass." Damien held Blythe's arm as she sat down.

"He's not smoking is he?" Blythe had caught her son smoking when he was fourteen years old. When she told her husband, he forced the boy to smoke an entire pack, down to the nubs in one sitting. After that, House couldn't even stand the smell of cigarettes. Cigars, however, were another matter.

"No ma'am. He's pacing." Damien smiled. He found it endlessly amusing that House, the man Cuddy had called a force of nature, was so nervous about the prospect of marrying her.

"Idiot." John got up from his seat. "I'll go talk to him."

Blythe grabbed his arm. "Be nice John. He's bound to be nervous."

"Typical." John walked away shaking his head. No son of his was going to be nervous unless an enemy soldier was holding an M-16 against his temple and yelling something he couldn't understand.

The limo pulled into the driveway of Skylands Manor. It was every bit as beautiful as Cuddy remembered. They were escorted to a waiting room where Cuddy was immediately drawn to the 360 degree mirror in the corner.

"Aren't you sick of looking at yourself yet?" Lo started spreading out makeup and hair products onto the large marble vanity.

"I think I should wear my hair down." Cuddy sighed.

"It looks perfect. Leave it alone." Lo groaned.

"House likes it down." Cuddy was fussing with the little tendrils falling down the back of her neck.

"Oh, well, if HOUSE wants it down, then that's what he'll get."

"Don't be so bitter." Cuddy turned and smiled charmingly. She knew she was driving her friend crazy, but she wanted everything to be perfect.

"You could have told me this before I hired the most exclusive hair dresser in Jersey to come put it up for you." Lo wasn't bitter; just frustrated. She imagined wringing her friend's pretty little neck and felt immediately better.

"Are you done killing me in your mind?" Cuddy knew Lo very well. She knew when she pushed Lo to the limit.

"Almost." Lo held up a hand, imagined the last gasps of breath escaping Cuddy's lips, then put her hand down. "There, you're dead. Now let's make you perfect."

"Have I thanked you yet today?" Cuddy felt all misty.

"No, not today." Last time had been about 3am, but since Lo hadn't yet kicked the guy out of her bed, she still considered that the night before.

"Thank you." Cuddy pulled her friend into a hug.

"don't!" Lo pushed her back. "If you wrinkle that dress, who do you think you're going to make iron it out for you?" She felt like Cinderella.

"You'd do it." Cuddy twinkled.

"Shut up and turn around." Lo began pulling all the bobby pins out of Cuddy's hair.

"Greg." John's stern voice caused Wilson and House to jump.

"What are you doing here?" House grumbled.

"You're my son, and you're getting married. Where else would I be?" John was inspecting his son as he spoke. "You couldn't shave?"

"This is my signature look." House had thought about it, but Cuddy liked his stubble. She told him it made him look rugged and sexy.

"Well, it's too late now." John sighed. He never would understand his son. "Do you have the rings?"

"Rings?" House looked puzzled. He loved pulling his father's chain.

"I have them here." Wilson hit his breast pocket.

"Good. Best not to let him have them until it's time." John knew Wilson was the responsible one in that relationship. For a while he thought his son might be…that he and Wilson were…well, he'd never met this supposed Stacy person, and wondered if she might be what the kids called a Beard, but it didn't matter now. His son was getting married. It was the only normal thing he'd ever done.

"Right, wouldn't want to trust little Greg with something as big and important as a pair of rings." House snotted.

"You sure you're ready for this son?" John didn't want House to screw this up.

"It's a little late to worry about that."

"It's never too late son…" John shook his head. "Don't doom this before it even begins."

"Doom what?" House turned and mouthed to Wilson. Wilson shrugged.

John had been wrestling with what to say to his son for a while now. The whole flight here he'd been trying to think of words of advice. "Lisa's a good girl. Make sure you treat her right."

"I will," House said hesitantly. He'd never gotten a pep talk from his father, and it was making him very uncomfortable.

"And, on your wedding night…"

"NO!" That was one thing he did NOT want his father to discuss with him.

John sighed heavily. "Just treat her right Greg." He turned to leave.

Wilson looked at House. "That went well."

"Yeah. I didn't say half the shit I could have."

Jakob Cuddy walked into the waiting room. "Are you ready Princess?" He had his head turned, just in case she was in the middle of doing anything.

"You can look Mr. Cuddy." Lo excused herself. She had a feeling they could use a private father/daughter moment.

"Oh my goodness." Jakob stopped in his tracks. "You look beautiful." He was already tearing up.

"Don't cry. You're going to make me cry, and then Lo will have to fix my makeup again. And you do not want to upset Lo right now."

"I don't ever want to upset Lo." She had always scared him just a little.

Cuddy laughed.

"You're absolutely…stunning." Jakob couldn't take his eyes off her. "I am so unbelievably happy right now."

"That makes two of us Daddy." Cuddy gave him a hug. Damn the wrinkles. She loved her father more than anything and she was going to hug him if she wanted to. "Now let's go. I'm getting married." Her smile lit up the room.


	39. I Do

Sorry for the long absence. The battery in my laptop died, and I generally write on my long commute, so I was without a means to write. I now have a new, tiny little laptop, it really is the cutest little thing, so I'm back.

* * *

**I Do**

Cuddy peaked around the corner. Everyone had taken their seats and the ceremony was about it begin. She noticed the glaring absence of her mother, but surprisingly, it didn't bother her. She had cried about it last night, but today, with the sun overhead and House waiting for her at the end of the aisle she didn't need her mothers approval. She knew she was right.

"Are you ready?" Jakob felt her hand closing in on his arm. He could tell she was nervous, but he planned on being right there by her side until House took his place.

He felt a sadness wash over him. He was giving his little girl away. He knew that nothing was really going to change. It wasn't like he saw her all that much anyhow, but the tradition behind walking his daughter down the aisle was getting to him.

"Don't you dare start crying." Cuddy was barely hanging on as it was. She didn't think she could handle seeing her father's tears.

"No, of course not." Jakob pulled himself together. "Let's do this." He had a feeling he was the more nervous of the two. Cuddy seemed to be suffering from nothing more than your standard bridal jitters, but he was a wreck. The fact that Leila wasn't there seemed to bother him more than anyone. Actually, it seemed to only bother him. Everyone else seemed to not care.

House waited anxiously. The music had just started, and he felt his palms getting moist. His heart was beating at a rate that couldn't possibly be healthy, and he was finally grateful that he needed a cane, because he was resting on it so much he thought he might topple over without it. They had forgone the traditional wedding march for a beautiful Chopin piano piece. It was a piece of music they both loved, and Cuddy was happy to give House one of the few things he had requested.

"Here she comes," Wilson was excited enough for both of them. He still couldn't believe this was happening. Every time he had gotten married, House went on and on about how marriage was just religions attempt to control sex. And here he was, the eternal bachelor, waiting anxiously for his bride to walk down the aisle. Wilson felt a snicker approaching his lips and fought it off. Laughing at House on his wedding day was probably not a good idea.

Rebekkah was the first to start the slow march down the aisle. Her father was at her side and she couldn't have been happy. She walked down the aisle with a huge grin on her face, her fingers laced into his tightly. She didn't care that her mother wasn't there, she was happy about it really. If Lydia had been in the wedding, Daniel wouldn't have been, and she would much rather have her father there.

Lo grabbed Damien and Gillian, a friend of Cuddy's who was about Lydia's size and willing to pinch hit at fifteen hours notice and pushed them down the aisle. Then she turned to her best friend for as long as she could remember. "Are you ready to do this?"

"Yes."

"You know you'll never be able to get rid of him if you marry him."

"I'm willing to take that risk." Cuddy smiled. She knew Lo was just messing with her.

"Very well then, if you insist on ruining the rest of your life…"

"Just GO." Cuddy's father shoved the blonde toward the aisle. Lo stumbled a bit, getting a large gasp from those in attendance. She caught her balance, smiled, then strutted her stuff down the runway.

"She looks great." Wilson watched her with approval.

"You have very low standards."

"You don't think she looks great?" Wilson was slightly hurt.

"She's Lo." House refused to think Lo looked great, no matter how much that particular shade of rose suited her, or how beautiful her hair looked piled on top of her head like that, or how low cut that dress was…"She looks like Lo." House just couldn't see her any other way.

"She looks phenomenal." Wilson didn't listen to his friend. House was just in the marriage zone. All he could think about was Cuddy, and that's how it should be. Wilson would never admit it, but even on his wedding day he noticed other beautiful women besides the one he was marrying. Maybe if he hadn't, he'd still be married to Julie, or Bonnie or even Carrie. "She didn't come with anyone, did she?" Maybe he'd get lucky again tonight.

"Do you mind." House groaned. "I'm trying to get married here."

And that fact hit home when Cuddy stepped into view. House's breath caught in his throat. She looked radiant. She was smiling at him, glowing.

For a moment he feared he might wake up from this dream, but it wasn't a dream. He was really there, standing beside his best friend about to many his other best friend. For the first time in his long, miserable life, he felt like the luckiest man alive.

"Cuddy looks beautiful too." Wilson was having a hard time keeping his mouth shut. He chatted when he was nervous, and he was nervous on Houses behalf, and he was nervous about what House was going to say or do to screw this up, and he was nervous that Lo would go home with someone else, and he was just nervous because he was a nervous kind of guy.

"She's stunning." House had to be very conscious of not standing their like some cartoon parody of a lustful man, mouth hanging wide, eyes bugged out with big hearts for pupils. Stay cool, he told himself over and over. He placed his cane in front of him, his hands strategically placed in front of his crotch, just in case.

The trip down the aisle seemed endless for both bride and groom. They both wanted to get this over with, not because they didn't want to enjoy the wedding, but because they both feared that something would happen, that if they took too long, someone would come in and stop the wedding. They were both waiting for both shoes to drop.

Jakob had to keep holding his daughter back. It was like she was running a marathon, trying to get to the finish line as quickly as possible. "Slow down Princess. You don't want him to think you're too eager."

Cuddy laughed a private little laugh. "That's the same thing you told me when I started dating."

"And it's as true today as it was then."

They reached the end of their long journey and Jakob kissed his daughter before releasing her to the man who had better treat her like the princess jakob always told her she was.

"Nervous," House asked, taking Cuddy's trembling hands in his.

"A little, you?" Cuddy knew the answer to that. She could feel his hand shaking with hers.

"Terrified." House hated to admit it, but he was too nervous to lie.

"Good." She was absolutely glowing. House took a closer look and realized she must have put some kind of special moisturizer on, because no one's skin could be that radiant.

"Good?" That had thrown him. Neither of them were paying much attention to the judge's ramblings about the sanctity of marriage.

"Yes, it means this actually matters to you." She had always suspected he was just marrying her to make her happy and that he didn't care either way.

"When have I ever done anything just to make you happy," House scoffed.

"There's a first time for everything," she said with a knowing grin. He couldn't hide from her anymore. She knew he wasn't the ass he wanted people to think he was.

The judge, a generous donor to the hospital, and close friend of Cuddy was now talking about love and commitment. Everyone but the bride and groom were listening closely. They were far too busy gazing deeply into each others eyes and trying to read every blink and flicker.

"Do you know your vows yet?" House asked quietly.

Cuddy shook her head. She had decided to take House's advice and take a leap. She deeply regretted that right now.

"Well, you'd better think of something fast." House smiled mischievously.

"Now, I believe you'd each like to say a few words," the judge looked first to House.

"My mother taught me to be a gentleman, so, ladies first." He looked at his mother for approval.

Cuddy leaned close to him. "Age before beauty," she whispered.

"Oh, she's shy," House informed his audience, though they all knew her better than that. "So I guess I'll have to go first."

It was as if the entire garden tensed up. Even the flowers seemed to be holding their breath in anticipation of the disaster that lay ahead.

House looked deep into her eyes and took both her hands in his. This was it.

"I could stand up here and promise to love and cherish you, but those are just words, and words are meaningless. I could say I love you, and you would believe me, because I can be very convincing when I want to be, but I could just as easily say I love Wilson, or Judge Thalberg or a good glass of single malt Scotch. I do love a good single malt, but that's not important right now.

"Its our actions that really matter. It's what we do to show our love and not how much we talk about it that matters. Today I am taking action. Today I am doing something to assure that you know just how much I love you.

"I am committing to a life with you. I am not going to sugar coat it with flowery words and death do us part decrees. We will fight, we will disagree, we will want to kill each other more often than either of us will admit, but I will show my love for you every day by taking actions to keep you in my life. I would be lost without you Cuddy."

Tears were running down Cuddy's cheeks as she stared into his eyes. She knew how hard that was for him to say, to admit, not just to her, but to his parents, to his friends and colleagues and to strangers that only she knew.

House slipped the ring on her finger, his hand holding hers gently for longer then was necessary.

"This ring is a material representation of my desire to be with you for as long as you can stand to put up with me."

"I love you House," she whispered to him. It was something no one else needed to hear.

"I love you too Cuddy," he whispered back. Sometimes it was also nice just to say the words.

"And now, would you like to say something Lisa?" Judge Thalberg turned to the bride expectantly.

"I'm not sure I can follow that." A part of her hated him right now, for leaving her so unprepared, but she couldn't possibly hate anyone who said the words he'd just said.

"I dare you," House mouthed quietly to her.

"I have waited for this day for a long time. I spent years dreaming of this moment, but those dreams now pale in comparison. Twenty years ago, when I was still a college freshman, and you were already a rebellious intern, I made a promise to you." She noticed his puzzled expression. "I never told you about it, but I promised that I would look after you, that I would always be there to take care of you.

"People like you are rare, House. You're special and I always wanted to be a part of your life, I wanted to be…"

"The wind beneath my wings? House smirked.

"Don't interrupt!" She snapped. "I wanted to be needed by you, loved by you."

"You are," he interrupted again.

"STOP interrupting." She was going to hit him but realized everyone was watching. It was too late, she'd lost her flow. "I vow to always be there for you, to always pick you up when you fall and stop you from falling when you walk that line between saving lives and destroying your own. I want to be the one you need, because I need to be the one you want." Oh, that as bad. This was what she got for not being prepared. "So, with this ring, I promise to love and support you forever." She shouldn't have said forever. It sounded so high school girlfriend.

She slipped the ring onto his finger. His hand was quivering and sweaty. "You're mine now," she whispered soft enough so that Thalberg couldn't hear her. She smiled playfully. She was so cute when she did that.

House smiled back. "That goes double for you."

Cuddy looked at him, then started to laugh. "That makes no sense."

"Shut up and kiss the groom." House pulled her into his arms and planted a big, inappropriate kiss on her. Cuddy didn't mind. She was far too busy swooning to remember that her friends and family were all watching.

"With the power invested in me by the state of New Jersey, I now pronounce you husband and wife." Judge Thalberg realized he didn't need to add the kiss the bride part, since they already were, so he just stopped and waited for them to finish.

Everyone cheered. Jakob was wiping away his tears, Blythe was sobbing into her husbands shoulder, women were blowing their noses and wiping their eyes while the men they were with comforted them. Wilson was hiding his glistening eyes from Lo who would never sleep with him again if she knew he was such a cry baby, and Damien was watching wistfully as the woman he had a not so secret crush on headed back down the aisle with her husband.

Lo was the only one not moved by the romance of it all. It wasn't because she wasn't thrilled for her best friend, she was, but she had to focus on the reception now. She had to usher the wedding party to the far garden for photos, then get them inside where she had a speech she had to give, and had to make sure catering had everything right. She watched House and Cuddy walking hand in hand, being congratulated by everyone they passed and she smiled. The wedding had been perfect, and thankfully, it was now over. Time to party.


	40. Picture Perfect

**Picture Perfect**

Lo had picked out the perfect spot in the garden for their pictures. There was a small babbling brook at the far end of the property that tumbled over rocks on it's way out of sight. The brook was lined with beautiful trees and blooming wildflowers. Cuddy would love it.

"This is beautiful," Cuddy said after making the long trek down to the spot. She was smoothing out her dress as House finally pulled up beside her.

"Yeah, whatever." He wasn't thrilled about walking the half mile down to the brook. If they'd gone to Sears they could have had the guy pull down the babbling brook backdrop and saved themselves a lot of exercise.

"Shut up House." Cuddy wasn't going to let him ruin this. Just because he'd made it out of the ceremony in one piece didn't mean he was free to be his usual jerky self just yet.

"Shutting up," House said zipping his lip with his hand and tossing the key over his shoulder. He wasn't sure why the zipper had a key, but it clearly did.

"I want the two of you to stand here," Lo shoved them into position then beckoned the photographer, a close, intimate friend of hers to come and start snapping.

Gary the photog, was a tall, attractive fellow, Lo hung out with no other kind, with a passion for light. He paced back and forth in front of the happy couple, looking through his lens the whole time, searching for just the right light. "Ah, cara mia, this will do perfectly." He wasn't really Spanish, or Italian or French or anything exotic. He hailed from Syossett, Long Island, but he did enjoy putting on airs.

"Who is this putz?" Wilson asked the elder, scruffier Dr. Cuddy who was standing beside him.

Jakob chuckled. Lo had always amused him a lot more than she did Leila. "He's one of Lorena's special friends."

"Special friends?" Wilson made a face. Did Jakob know that he was also one of her special friends? Did she consider him a special friend? How many of these special friends did she have?

Cuddy and House struck several poses at Gary's instruction. He was shot off two reels of film on just the two of them. "Now I should be wanting the parents of the bride."

Everyone took a collective nervous swallow. Jakob plastered a fake smile on his face and strode over. "That would be me." There was a moment, just a brief glimmer of a moment, when he optimistically imagined Leila striding out of the bushes and announcing that she was the mother of the bride, but it didn't happen, and he quietly took his place by his daughters side.

After a dozen shots of her and her father, Cuddy motioned Bekkah and Daniel over. "You're my family. Get over here." She smiled and wrapped her arm around the lanky girl as Daniel stood behind.

House watched, standing beside his own parents. He knew what was coming and he dreaded it. He didn't need pictures of him and his father. It was a stupid tradition and he was about to say so, but then he realized that Cuddy's heart must be breaking, not having her mother here, and it would only hurt her more if he, with both of his parents present, refused to take pictures with them.

When Gary called the House's over for their turn, House swallowed his pride, put the past behind him and walked toward the spot Gary pointed out. Cuddy looked so proud of him. It was a nice feeling.

"Stand up straight," his father instructed as they all took their places. "And fix that corsage. It's leaning to the left." House would really like to have leaned to the left, since his father was on his right side, but he stood up straight while his mother lovingly fixed the flower in his lapel. "Don't fuss over him Blythe," John went on.

Blythe sighed and shook her head. She leaned up toward her towering son and whispered in his ear. "Don't mind him Gregory. He really is happy for you…"

"Stop lying for him Mother." House straightened up and looked in the camera. When he thought a picture wasn't being taken, he looked toward Cuddy. She was watching him, smiling beautifully. The shots of him, looking off into the distance with nothing but love in his eyes were some of the best shots Gary took that day.

"Now I want some pictures," Lo said, the obligatory shots of the whole wedding party now out of the way. She practically shoved everyone else out of the way and got some of just her and her best friend.

When they were little girls they used to dream about what their weddings would be like. When they were very little and very naive they imagined having a double wedding. Over the years Lo had given up on the romantic dream of love and marriage. It wasn't that she didn't believe in love, she did, very much. It's just that she accepted that it didn't have to be forever and she didn't see the romance in turning love into a binding contract.

Cuddy was different. She pretended that it didn't matter to her. All through college she played the field and said she didn't want to settle down, but Lo could tell she didn't mean it. When Cuddy fell for a guy, she fell hard. She had countless true loves but none of them had stuck. None until Gregory House. Lo smile and Gary shot the most beautiful picture she'd ever had taken of her. The man was good at what he did.

Cuddy watched Damien hovering on the outskirts, looking nervous and disappointed. "Oh, if you want your picture taken just ask." She walked over and grabbed his arm then pulled him to the sweet spot. "You can even tell your friends you're the groom," she said softly.

"I'll tell them you couldn't handle me and fled."

"If I ever meet them I'm telling them you cheated on me, you cad."

Damien smiled wide. "I like that." He let his hand slide down her back, precariously close to her ass.

"You would." She let his hand wonder, wondering what House would say if he saw what was happening.

House was watching them closely. He liked Damien, a lot, but he didn't entirely trust him. "That's enough fondling my wife." Oh, that sounded funny. My wife. That's what she was now, and he had every right to keep other men away from her. He smiled as he slipped his arm around her shoulder.

"Get one of the three of us," Cuddy told Gary quickly, before either man had a chance to think about it.

House pulled her close to him and Damien took a step in the same direction. He was watching House carefully, making sure he didn't cross the line. He could read the amusement in House's face, so he leaned in and kissed her cheek. House did the same, and the photo of the two men each planting their lips on her respective cheeks now holds a place of honor on the bookshelf in Cuddy's office.

"Okay, break it up." If Cuddy didn't know any better, she'd say there was a hint of jealousy in Lo's voice.

"Wait." Cuddy pulled herself away from the man sandwich and walked over to Gary. "I'd like some of the best man and maid of honor." She looked over at Lo pointedly and the blonde shook her head emphatically. "That's you and Wilson. Get over there." Cuddy smiled sweetly but there was a threat hidden behind it.

Lo looked at Wilson who looked far too excited. She trudged over reluctantly. "This is just going to lead him on," she explained to Cuddy as she brushed past the bride forcefully.

Cuddy just smiled angelically. That had never stopped Lo before. Besides, the blind optimist in her hoped that her best friend would fall in love with House's best friend and that they would live next door to each other and their kids could play together and all the things they'd dreamt of as children would come true. It was her wedding day. She was allowed to be delusional.

Wilson put his arm around Lo and grinned at the camera. This was definitely going I his wallet. Maybe he could make a screensaver out of it. Lo forced a smile onto her lips. It wasn't actually that hard. She liked Wilson. He was a sweet guy. If she ever did settle down, Wilson was the kind of guy she would settle down with, but she wasn't going to settle down, and she would only end up breaking Wilson's heart, and he was too nice a guy to do that to.

"Now can we go to the reception?" Lo looked at her watch. They were running late.

"What's the hurry Lo? Your date charge by the hour?" House laughed.

"You might be my best friends husband, but I'll still hire a hit man to take you out." Lo smiled sweetly. It was a sickeningly sweet smile actually.

House turned to Cuddy. "I am not putting my life insurance policy in your name."

"I have nothing to do with this plan. It's all Lo." Cuddy tried to sound guiltier than she was.

"Let's go, before Lo dehydrates from lack of alcohol."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you." Lo trailed behind the newlyweds.

"It's nice to see nothings changed," Cuddy mumbled as she walked arm in arm with her father.

"You chose both of them, so don't come complaining to me when they finally kill each other."

"You're a big help."

"You're his problem now sweetheart, not mine." Jakob smiled at his daughter. She would always be his problem. No matter how old she was, she would always be his little girl.

"I love you Daddy." She leaned over and kissed his cheek as they walked.

"I love you too, Mrs. House." He grinned proudly as he strolled along with his daughter.


	41. Raise Your Glasses

**Raise Your Glasses**

The reception started like all receptions. Everyone wanted to come over an congratulate the bride and groom and get pictures and catch up with people they hadn't seen in ages. House hated every second of it, until the food came out.

What had started off as a buffet had turned into a five course meal once Lo took control of the wedding. The portions were small but the food was prepared beautifully by an up and coming chef she had met at a food and wine festival in Manhattan a few months ago. Gaston was grateful for the opportunity to show off his skills to such a large and influential group of people. Cuddy, through her work at the hospital, knew some very good people to know.

The sit down meal was the one idea House had that he hadn't mentioned to Cuddy. He knew she wanted the buffet so people could mingle and talk, which was exactly why he wanted the sit down dinner, so people wouldn't mingle themselves over to talk to him. He was surprised when Lo agreed to the change and more surprised that she agreed to do it behind Cuddy's back. Maybe she like him a little more than she let on. Nah

They both agreed to forgo the cake cutting nonsense. Cuddy would have killed House if he smashed the cake in her face and ruined her dress, and House knew he wouldn't be able to resist doing just that. Instead, a dessert tray went around with an assortment of Gaston's finest. Denise Darling would have been appalled.

Wilson's palms were sweating. He had to make his speech soon. Lo had instructed him to give it right after dessert was served. He swallowed hard then clinked his champagne flute with his fork. Everyone knew what that meant, and all eyes turned toward the Best Man.

"As you know, I'm the Best Man," Wilson smiled nervously. "Um, James Wilson, House's closest friend." He could see some signs of disbelieve from the crowd, most of whom found it highly unlikely that House had any friends. "And, like many of you, I thought this day would never come." He laughed cautiously. "But it has, and this confirmed old bachelor is off the market. Lisa, you have accomplished the unthinkable." He smiled at her, and she smiled back encouragingly. "And I couldn't be happier for the both of you." He had skipped a huge chunk of what House had written for him. "I wish you both a long and happy future together." He held his glass up high. "To Mr. and Mrs. House."

"To Mr. and Mrs. House," the crowd responded, all taking sips from their glasses in unison.

Wilson sat back down and waited for House to attack him for leaving out all that stuff the later had written about how wonderful he is and how amazingly lucky Cuddy had been to snag him.

"Now it's my turn," Lo rose confidently. "I have known Lisa Cuddy for more years than either of us admit to being alive." The crowd chuckled. "And I have seen her go through countless men," another polite chuckle. "But none of them stuck and that's because Lisa has extremely high standards. That's why I can't believe she ended up with this guy." She tossed a thumb in House's direction and the crowd laughed uncomfortably. "But in planning this wedding for them, I think I've come to see why." She smiled at House and he became really uncomfortable. He was going to get up and stop her, but one look from Cuddy told him what a bad idea that was.

"In his own, often disturbing way, he loves her, and she loves him. They challenge each other in ways I don't believe anyone else would have the guts to. They're not afraid to get nasty, and yes I mean that both ways." She smiled suggestively at the crowd until they realized her meaning. "I've seen him break her heart, but I've also seen him come back and help pick up the pieces, and that is why they work. That is why they are one of the lucky couples who are actually going to make it. And I couldn't be happier for the both of you." Lo held up her glass, but then she looked over at House and gave him a quick warning. "But if you hurt her I will make your life a living hell until the moment I kill you." She turned back toward the silent crowd. "So let us raise our glasses and help these two crazy fools celebrate their love with lots of food, drink and dancing." She downed what was left of her Champaign and sat back down to a loud roar of whooping.

"That was, interesting." Cuddy leaned over and kissed her best friend on the cheek.

"It was all true." Especially the threat, but she didn't have to tell Cuddy that.

Dessert was mostly finished now, and Jakob walked over to his daughter. "May I have this dance, Mrs. House." He held out his hand and waited for her to rise.

She blushed. She worried that she would blush every time someone called her that for quite some time.

Jakob had requested an old traditional Jewish ballad for their first dance. It was the same song Leila had danced to with her father the day they got married. He wished his wife was here consciously, but subconsciously he was glad she was not.

John was glaring at his son. House knew perfectly well that he should ask his mother to dance. "Impertinent boy."

"John, you know he's self conscious about dancing since…"

"Since he gave up on life?" John had always resented his son for what he saw as giving up after the Infarction. A sore leg was no excuse to stop living. John House had seen men get both their legs blown off by grenades and those men dusted themselves off and went on living. One even went on to compete in marathons.

"John," Blythe chastised her husband, again. "You know it was hard for him. He was so athletic. He had to give up a lot of the things he enjoyed."

"He didn't have to Blythe, he chose to." John had been focused on his wife and hadn't noticed the tall figure standing over him.

"I didn't choose this, Dad," House spat with much vile. "It was done to me." He already regretted Wilson's talking him into coming over here. "Mother, would you care to dance?"

Blythe looked worried. She always looked worried when she looked at him. He hated that. "You don't have to Gregory."

"Yes I do." He took her hand and helped her to her feet. He wanted this wedding to be perfect for Cuddy, so he was going to go through the motions. He had popped a couple Vicodin on the walk over to her table, so all should be well.

House used to love to dance. As a child his mother taught him to waltz and Fox Trot and Quickstep. Blythe had loved all things creative, art, music, dance, and had tried to encourage her son to love them too.

"Look," Jakob spun his daughter around so she could see her husband, dancing with his mother.

Cuddy looked into her fathers eyes. "Would you mind?"

"Not at all Princess. This is your day." Jakob slowly steered her toward her husband.

House looked relieved. It wasn't that he didn't love his mother, it was more the way she looked at him, the sympathy in her eyes always made him feel guilty, even on those rare occasions when he had done nothing wrong.

The two couples switched partners and Cuddy melted into her husbands arms. They barely moved, just swaying in place, arms wrapped tightly around each other. It was enough.

Jakob danced his partner back to her own husband, who reluctantly took over dancing duty while Jakob went back to his table to relax. He was never much of a dancer, even though Leila pulled him onto every dance floor they ever came in contact with.

The music changed but the House's didn't change there gentle swaying. They didn't even notice that the music had picked up a beat. "Did you get the wedding of your dreams?" House asked into her ear.

"I got the husband of my dreams, and that was all I ever really cared about." Cuddy nuzzled her head into his shoulder. She loved snuggling up against him. He was so tall and strong she felt protected in his arms.

"Hmph." House pretended he wasn't buying into her schmaltzy sentiment, though he was secretly pleased as punch.

Lo avoided Wilson and quickly grabbed Damien. "Let's dance."

"Not right now," he said dismissively, his eyes on the love struck Wilson. "I need to go do something."

Lo brushed herself off. It was his loss really. She was considering sleeping with him tonight, but now, it wasn't going to happen. She turned to Gaston, the chef. "Wanna dance?"

"Sure." Gaston jumped at the opportunity. He had a crush on her. She had become something of a patron to him, getting him into all the good parties, introducing him to all the right people. She was financially backing his new restaurant. He owed her a lot more than just a dance.

Damien strode over to Wilson at the bar. "Not dancing?" He ordered a scotch and soda.

"No." Wilson hadn't taken his eyes off Lo. She looked amazing tonight.

Damien laughed. "Man, you've got it bad."

"Got what?" Wilson tried to look like he had no idea what this guy was talking about.

"I don't know what you see in her." Damien shook his head. Lo was the kind of woman he could be best friends with, hang out and get drunk at parties and cause mischief, but she wasn't lover material, at least not for him.

"She's amazing," Wilson said, a slight hint of awe in his voice. "She's so smart, and successful, and adventurous and…"

"Sorry I asked." Damien sipped slowly on his drink as Wilson went on.

"Did you know she met the Dali Lama?"

"Really?" Damien nodded disinterestedly. Who hadn't?

"She's traveled the world. She likes art. I like art." Wilson sounded like a love struck teenager.

"Look, Jimmy." Damien was the kind of guy who felt instantly at ease with anyone. He didn't need to be told when he could call someone by a familiar name, and no one ever minded. "Lo is the kind of woman who doesn't take a guy seriously if he's too into her. You know?"

"No." Wilson shook his head.

"Okay," Damien tried another approach. "You've slept with her, right?"

"Yeah," Wilson shook his head with a proud grin.

"And she knows she can have you whenever she wants." Damien could just tell.

"Well…" Wilson didn't want to sound too easy.

"So she takes you for granted." He knew this from experience.

"I see." Wilson thought about this and it did make sense.

"I…" Wilson wanted to protest strongly, but Damien silenced him with a look. Damien was a nice guy, but the bald head, rippling muscles and tattoos made him look pretty intimidating.

"You will never be anything more than a back up fuck to her." Damien took a long sip to give Wilson time to digest this.

"I don't want to be that."

"You want to be her boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"Then you need to back off. Give her time to miss you, to realize what a great catch you are." Damien looked at him. "You are a great catch, right?"

"The greatest." Wilson boasted. At least, none of his wives had complained, until he divorced them.

"Then you need to give her time away from you, time to realize she misses you. As long as she knows that you will show up at a snap of her fingers, she will never take you seriously as a love interest."

"But what if she realizes she's fine without me?"

"Then you never had a chance in the first place." Damien would never understand people wanting what they couldn't have…then he looked over at Lisa Cuddy, he wasn't ready to call her House yet, and reality slapped him hard in the face. "Just be her friend for a while. You might find that that is enough."


	42. Wedding Presents

**Wedding Presents**

The party started to wind down. Distant relatives were the first to go. Elderly aunts who needed to get home and take their pills, cousins who had tried to distance themselves from the family, and other assorted guests who just didn't feel like sticking around all made a mass exodus once the first brave soul got up to get their coat.

That was just fine with the newlyweds. House was practically pushing people out the door. "Thanks for coming. Hope you left a nice gift"

The band had left hours ago, and the few brave souls who remained had had congregated into small groups at the tables for assorted chit chat over coffee. Lo, Wilson and Damien had confiscated the House's and were protecting them from facing any more well wishers.

"When do we get to open our presents?" House was ready to end the night, but one of his more defining traits was his curiosity, and he was curious to see just what his friends and family thought of him.

"If you want to open them, House, go ahead." Cuddy didn't care. She had designed her home exactly as she'd wanted it, and no sterling silver butter dish was going to make her change her mind.

House made a bee line to the biggest box, sitting beside the present table. He already knew the small basket was filled with cards with money from people who couldn't be bothered to think of a gift. It would be easy to determine his worth to them. It was clearly written in dollar signs. The varying sized packages all wrapped in pretty pastels were what really interested him.

"Oh, this one is from my parents." House had moved on from the big box, which ended up housing a non-committal high end blender. House held the much smaller, more elegantly wrapped package from his parents up to his ear.

"Why are you opening that now?" John and Blythe hadn't left yet. They were catching up with some distant cousin of Blythe's.

"Because Cuddy said I could." House grinned sheepishly as he tore open the opalescent wrapping.

John furrowed his stern brow. "You're married now, son, call her by her first name."

"That'd be weird." House wrinkled his nose as he pulled out a handmade photo album. "What the hell is this?" he turned it over in his hands.

Blythe had come over to see what was going on. "It's a photo album…"

"I can see it's a photo album, but that's a rather cheap gift. I'm your only child. I thought you'd splurge a bit more than this."

Blythe ignored her son's rudeness. She was used to it. "It's really for Lisa, I suppose." Blythe took the book from her son and handed it to her daughter-in-law. "It's pictures of Gregory's life."

"Oh, Mom," House groaned.

"Don't you oh Mom me Gregory. This is priceless. You can pass it down to your children…"

"Stop right there!" House didn't want her having any allusions.

"What did I say?" Blythe didn't quite pull off innocent.

"Don't go getting your hopes up about grandchildren. I explained to you, more then once, that I am not reproducing. Ever!" House had his back to Cuddy, so he didn't see the funny little twinkle in her eye, but his mother did, and she smiled. "Stop smiling you senile old woman."

"Don't talk to your mother like that," John snapped.

"Oh John," Blythe put a hand on his arm. "He's just teasing me." She smiled at her son. "I would love to have grandchildren, but I will still love you, even if you don't give them to me."

House rolled his eyes and went back to present unwrapping while Cuddy started flipping through the photo album. Blythe hurried over to her to give a running commentary, even though she'd written a short essay about each picture for future reference.

"Oh, look how cute he is in his little school uniform." Cuddy gushed over pictures of a tiny little Gregory House.

"Yes." Blythe smiled warmly, fighting back a tear. "He was in Catholic school for three years until he got kicked out."

"Why did he get kicked out?" Cuddy looked over at House who was still tearing through presents, though she knew he was listening to them.

Blythe looked over at her son. It was hard to believe she once held him in her arms and changed his little diapers. It was hard to imagine House was ever a child, but she knew. She had been there, and she had proof. He wasn't always the jerk he pretended to be now. "He made a rude gesture to little Mary Emery during the annual Nativity Play. I don't think he even knew what it meant but…"

"Oh, I knew what it meant." House injected.

"You were only eight Gregory, how could you possibly…"

"Dad's old magazines; the ones he kept hidden in the rafters in the garage…"

"I did no such thing!" And how dare Greg go snooping around where he didn't belong.

"Oh, Gregory," his mother sounded so disappointed. All these years she'd told herself her son had made an innocent mistake, even though she always knew better. Would it have been so hard for him to let her keep her delusions?

"Oh please!" House wasn't about to get a morality lesson from a woman who used to send him to his room early the night his father came home from service. Like he didn't know what they were doing while he was locked up in his room.

Cuddy quickly turned the page, hoping to avoid a family fight. "Who's this?" A pretty young girl in pigtails and MaryJanes was standing next to House, her arm around his shoulders.

"That's Stephanie Price. You remember Stephanie?" She looked at House who just grunted a reply. "She was Gregory's first date." Blythe actually blushed a little. "He was ten years old and thoroughly convinced he was ready to date…"

"I hope he didn't give Stephanie the same gesture he gave Mary," Cuddy snided. House glared at her and Blythe just ignored her.

"…but just a few seconds after this picture was taken he pretended he was too sick to go out.

"I WAS too sick to go out." House corrected.

"Whatever you say dear." Blythe leaned in toward Cuddy. "He was fine. Went out and played ball later that afternoon."

Cuddy laughed sweetly.

"Don't listen to the old lady. She's senile." House tossed another, less pricy blender on the pile of open gifts.

"Oh," Blythe moved on, ignoring her son. "This is his first car. It was a '65 Mustang." She thought back fondly on the joy on her son's face when he first saw it. "He built it up…"

"I built it up," John corrected her. "HE was too busy goofing off."

"I wasn't goofing off," House snotted. "I was studying."

"Well, you weren't rebuilding your car, which is what you were supposed to be doing, so you were goofing off."

Blythe could see where this was headed and quickly closed the book. "You can look at these later. It's getting late. I think John and I should head out."

John, thankfully took the hint and followed his wife out. "Make sure he treats you right," he said to Cuddy as they shared a hug.

"He will," she assured him.

House was done with the presents. "Nothing much worth keeping." He shrugged and sat down next to his wife.

"Oh, I'll be keeping this." Cuddy was still holding the photo album.

"I can't believe she gave you that." House pulled it out of her hands and started flipping through it. He hadn't realized his mother had such an extensive collection of his life. She had even put the washed out ticket stubs from his first Stones concert. He must have left them in the pocket of his jeans when she washed them. House snorted reminiscently.

"I'm glad she gave it to me." Cuddy took it back. She was a little worried House might destroy it.

"Well, I guess that's it." House had pocketed all the checks and cash, and put aside anything he thought worth keeping. It was a very small pile.

"Not quite." Damien had been sitting quietly behind Cuddy, peeking at photo album over her shoulder and far more subtly than Lo had been doing.

House looked at him expectantly.

"I haven't given you my gift yet."

"You're paying me to give her to you?" House asked hopefully.

"Would you?" Damien might just do it, if he thought it would work.

"Nope." House put an arm around his bride. It had taken him far too long to capture her. He wasn't about to hand her over to someone else.

"Didn't think so, or I would have offered." Instead, Damien slipped an envelope into House's hands. "Hope you like it."

House tore it open and read the folded itinerary. "I've never even heard of this place. Is this some kind of joke?"

"No joke. It's a private island my family owns. I've made all the arrangements. All you have to do is show up."

House looked at Cuddy. "Our own tropical island?" She nodded. "For how long?" Forever wouldn't be a bad option.

"Two weeks." Cuddy wrestled with how long they should go. She would love to stay forever, but her hospital…

House looked at Damien.

"You can have the island for as long as you like." Damien seemed to have switched teams.

"Damien!" Cuddy's head spun to face him.

"What? I'm a romantic at heart." He smiled charmingly.

House was grinning slyly. "And when can we leave?"

Cuddy opened her mouth to set a date but Damien beat her to it. "The plane is ready to take off on your command."

"Awesome." House grinned. There was no need to pack.

* * *

Thus, finally, ends the third installment of the trilogy, but gives birth to the unexpected fourth installment, the smut filled Honeymoon to Remember.


End file.
